Does the "perfect" pair think it's better for you to just be good friends? While you may believe that you will never find someone better, there are ways to move forward. Falling out of love is as unique to each person as falling in love, but keep reading to learn some healthy ways to sever emotional ties.
Part 1 of 4: Accepting Suffering
Step 1. Allow yourself to suffer for awhile
Falling out of love involves a process of mourning the loss of the relationship. It is normal to feel this loss deeply. By trying to act normal and pretending nothing happened, you will have even more emotional problems. The healthy way to start falling out of love is to be sad for a while. Give yourself time to process your grieving feelings.
If you can, take a few days off from work and do something that comforts you (as long as it's not harmful). Watch sad movies, sleep or grab some ice cream. If the pain becomes unbearable, remember that it will eventually get better
Step 2. Reflect on the relationship
To completely get over the end of a romantic relationship, you'll need to acknowledge the existence of good and bad things about this romance (because they always do). Appreciate the good things, but don't forget the bad. Think about the new opportunities that will arise in your life from now on.
- At the height of suffering, you are likely to idealize the person and forget about their flaws and weaknesses. It's important to remember both.
- Try to be grateful for the ways the relationship has changed you and helped you to grow as a person, but also recognize the aspects that have hindered your growth or made you into someone you didn't want to be. Take these lessons with you as you grow and learn.
Step 3. Be alone for some time
Don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship or try to be constantly distracted by friends and activities. You need to process and deal with pain if you are to be able to fall out of love in a healthy way. Divide your time between thinking about the things you want and need and how to go after them, and seeking emotional and social support from friends and family.
Of course, if you need someone to talk to, there's nothing wrong with spending time with your closest friends. Find someone who is understanding and allows you to vent about the relationship, but who also tells you the truth about how you see the situation. If you are open to advice, you can use the good advice of a trusted friend to reassess this loss and look to the future. Don't spend too much time mulling over the breakup and thinking about what went wrong or what the other person is doing right now. Instead, focus on yourself and how you can move forward
Step 4. Get the feelings out
An important part of the recovery process is being able to express your feelings. You don't have to share emotions with anyone if you don't want to, but the simple act of letting them out can help.
- You could write in a journal, create short stories or poetry, draw or paint, compose or learn to play music, or start practicing spoken poetry. All of these creative efforts will let you express the pain while creating something beautiful out of this difficult experience.
- If you're uninspired or not the artistic type, visit a museum, go to the theater or a concert. Sometimes, seeing or listening to another artist's interpretation of the end of relationships helps us understand that such an experience is universal and connects all of humanity and, as painful as it is, makes life worth living. After all, if you've never lost someone, you've never really loved them.
Part 2 of 4: Starting Over
Step 1. Save important objects
When trying to move on and return to normal life, it's important not to act on impulse and get rid of anything that reminds you of that person. Keep some memories of the best part of your experiences with her, such as the shell you found on the beach or a photograph you took together at a New Year's party to maintain a positive and healthy image of the relationship.
- While keeping some memories is a good idea, you may not be ready to see them right now. Put all these objects in a box and then store it somewhere hidden. You can get them out of there when you're emotionally recovered.
- This includes digital files, which can also be recorded and stored outside of your computer.
Step 2. Get rid of everything else
Once you've decided which things you want to keep, get rid of everything else. In order to get over someone for real, you will need to avoid constant reminders of that person in everyday life.
If you have a lot of "ex" stuff at home, give it back. On Facebook, untag yourself from photos you have him with, delete photos on your own profile that remind you of him, and get rid of any general digital files like old voicemails. Studies show that keeping these types of items prolongs the grieving process and makes recovery more difficult
Step 3. Don't pry into his life
To forget someone, it's important to cut all ties, at least until you feel that you've reached a safe emotional state and that you can be friends with them again (if you want to). In addition to being an emotional state, love causes chemical changes in the brain similar to drug addiction, and each time you see your "ex" or are reminded of his or her existence, you will satisfy the addiction just enough to reinforce it.
- Don't go out for coffee with him, don't call, don't text, don't ask friends about your ex's life. Stop thinking about him and start thinking about yourself. Experts recommend a break of at least 30 to 90 days on all interactions with the "ex".
- Stop following or befriending him on social media. Keeping track of his life, intentionally or unintentionally, is not a healthy habit and will make it harder to get over the end of the relationship. Break all social media ties with him (at least for now) so you can think about healthier things like taking care of yourself.
Step 4. Avoid mutual friends for a while
Hanging out with mutual friends right after trying to cut off relationships will make it more emotionally difficult.
- Explain that you need to spend some time away from them until you feel a little more stable. Good friends will understand.
- This can include mutual friends on Facebook, especially if they are in the habit of posting a lot of photos of their "ex". Seeing and hearing little reminders of the relationship can prolong the grieving process. If you can't cut ties with mutual friends on Facebook, temporarily block them until you've had time to heal.
Step 5. Wait a while to establish a friendship
If the relationship went really well and things turned out well, or even if you've always been good friends, it's still a good idea to wait awhile before starting the friendship over again. Spending time together immediately after breaking up will make it very difficult to get over that person.
- Many people recovering from an intense love relationship may take several years to become close friends with the "ex". Perhaps you need to wait until both of you are in love with other people and in stable relationships before you feel comfortable being friends again.
- For other people, it is impossible to develop a friendship, especially if the breakup was not a mutual decision.
Part 3 of 4: Focusing on Yourself
Step 1. Explore yourself
Without that relationship to affect your judgment, you can develop a much better image of who you are as a person. Explore your strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps you want to rethink your life priorities and goals. Perhaps you believed you wanted one thing when you thought you would be with the other person for the rest of your life, but now you want another.
- Friendships are good things to explore right now. Perhaps, while you were in love, you were neglectful of certain friendships and don't want to lose them. This is a great time to set things right.
- Think of the person you were before you met the "ex" and go back to being yourself. Maybe he didn't like theater and you do, maybe he liked your hair long, but you prefer it short. You may have paid little attention to hobbies, friends, or certain aspects of your personality when you were in a relationship, and now that you're single again, you should feel free to decide which traits of your old self you want back.
Step 2. Be independent
Passion tends to make you very dependent on the other person, but if you want to be happy and luckier in future relationships, you will need to develop the ability to be alone. By being more self-reliant, you will have more confidence and remember that you are strong and capable of doing things for yourself. Start doing activities on your own right now. Think of yourself as free. Do things you've always wanted to do but never had time for.
Try going out alone to dinner or watching a movie at the cinema. This is even better if you eat something you think is good or watch a movie you like but your ex hates
Step 3. Try new activities
These new things will not only make you feel happy that you are going out and enjoying different experiences, but they will also help you to forget about that love and learn to be happy on your own. You can take up a new hobby, become a volunteer, or learn a new skill online or on your own. You never know what you'll like to do in the future.
- Travel as much as you can. Traveling is a great way to develop new memories and experiences, both positive and negative. With new experiences to focus on, you will begin to forget about past experiences and problems (or at least think less about them).
- Remember, traveling doesn't necessarily mean taking the next plane to Paris, you can also travel locally! The important thing is to get out of the house, visit new places and do things you've never done before.
Part 4 of 4: Moving Forward
Step 1. Accept that it wasn't meant to be
An important part of overcoming the end of a relationship is accepting that romance was not meant to be. You will need to understand that if the person failed to love you or was unhappy with the relationship, things would not magically improve and you would be unhappy. You deserve a relationship where the other person loves you as much as you love them. A relationship in which you complete each other in a unique way.
Be grateful for the good things that come out of this relationship, such as the opportunity to get to know yourself better and learn what you need in a loving partner. When you feel gratitude for having loved another person, you will be able to heal yourself from this suffering once and for all, because you will know that it served a purpose
Step 2. Meet new people
Unless you want to stay single, you will need to leave home if you want to find a better partner. This can take time and you shouldn't be in a hurry. Don't force yourself to do anything! Just leave when you feel like it and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
You can meet new people in bars or clubs, attending a church or a civic group with similar interests, or doing volunteer work. Also, keep your eyes open at work, school, or the community to find people you may have ignored in the past. Be friendly and receptive to new people
Step 3. Get back to dating
Falling in love, or at least realizing that it's possible to fall in love with other people, is an important part of overcoming an old love. You don't need to date seriously. In fact, it's better to just date casually for a while. Many people need a period of recovery and it's best not to break someone's heart for being unable to make a commitment.
You will know you are ready to love again when you truly love and respect yourself. The truth is, we attract people who treat us the same way we treat each other. If you're full of insecurities and feeling sorry for yourself, it's impossible to find someone who loves you for who you are
Step 4. Understand that you don't have to force yourself to get over the end of the relationship
While a broken heart can be very painful, it doesn't mean you need to fall out of love. If love was true, you may never stop feeling it. However, it is possible to leave that feeling behind and live life fully, without being dependent on it, and find a new love.
- Don't let your heart fill with hate or negative feelings. Never try to move on by forcing yourself to hate the person you once loved. If he hurt you or hurt you, you have every right to be angry. However, it is healthy to forgive the other person, not for their sake, but for yours. Keeping so much hate in your heart is bad for you and can ruin your ability to enjoy life and maintain healthy relationships in the future.
- Don't find fault with the "ex" and don't make a list of everything that was wrong. Don't force yourself to hate him or think you're better off without her. This will only create negative emotions within you and close you off from positive experiences.
Step 5. Fall in love again
Falling in love again is the final piece in healing a broken heart. A new romance will renew your faith and show how incredible love is. Even more important, you should find love in someone who can reciprocate your feelings in a way your "ex" couldn't. You deserve it!
- When you finally find someone who knows you and loves you for who you are, don't feel guilty about being in love with someone else. You won't be betraying or belittling past feelings by finding a new love, even fairy tale books have more than one story in them, and our hearts are books with many pages.
- Still, if you don't fall in love again for a long time, that doesn't mean something is wrong. Some hearts take longer to heal. Just focus on being happy.