Sure, you're good at walking through a crowded room and introducing yourself to a girl to get her attention. But do you ever feel that after a few minutes the subjects are over, and you have nothing to talk about? Or have you gathered the courage to talk to the girl of your dreams, but it looks like the cat ate your tongue when they started talking? Regardless of whether you're outgoing or shy, you can keep the conversation flowing once you start following the steps here in this article.
Step 1. Start with simple things to get her talking
Pay attention to the setting, and tailor your invitation to the circumstances. For example, don't ask her anything about astronomy when she's shopping for shoes. Here are some tips for getting to talk:
- If you want to start a conversation with a girl you don't know, try making a recommendation. For example, if you see a pretty girl in the cafeteria who seems to be undecided about what to order, recommend her favorite drink or tell her you'll guess what she's ordering just by watching her.
- When you already know the girl, start with something you know. If you're at school together, then comment on classes, or talk about extracurricular assignments. If you work together, then start the conversation about some news from the office, or ask for help with something you're working on.
- Ask for small favors. For example, ask her to look at your things (like your cell phone) while you go get something to drink. Girls will feel more involved with you if they do you any favors.
- Praise her. If she looks beautiful that day or if she said something smart during class, tell her. Praise your hair, smile, or outfit. Avoid commenting on her more feminine characteristics and be honest!
Step 2. Ask a few questions
You want to show her that you are interested while at the same time deciding if she is worth your interest. An excellent question will make her think, laugh, and like you all at the same time.
- Avoid questions with “yes” and “no” answers. A question like "Did you like the new movie that came out this week?" will answer either “yes” or “no” but may not allow for a longer conversation. Instead, ask what movies she has seen and why she likes them. That kind of question will have a much longer answer from her.
- Girls generally like guys who take the initiative. Rather than waiting for her to ask questions, be proactive and ask first. Once she has answered your question, nod your head and then give your own opinion. You want a balanced conversation in which she expresses her opinions while you do the same.
- Discover the things she loves. Ask her why she likes what she likes, or why she thinks what she thinks. Ask something you really want to know to learn more about her, rather than asking empty questions just to keep talking. If you're not sincere, she'll catch on, and your conversation will go down the drain.
People love to talk about themselves. If you find out what she likes, the conversation will flow easily and naturally. This is the easiest way to build a connection
Step 3. Make a good impression during the conversation
You want to find out as much as you can about her, but you must also show your best side during the conversation.
- Talk about something that makes you appear confident and persuasive. When you're talking about something you really understand, you're doing your best. If you love music then talk about your favorite bands. If you have something you love to do, talk to her about it.
- Give her the same amount of time. You definitely want to share something about yourself with her, but if you only talk about you, she will find you selfish and self-centered, and stop talking to you.
- Don't give opinions about things you don't know. The goal is to impress the girl with your intelligence, your conversation, and your acumen. If you babble about something you don't know, you won't sound very smart.
Step 4. Accept breaks
You won't be able to think of something to talk about all the time during the conversation, and there's no problem with that. Breaks are a natural part of conversation. Make her feel comfortable with the idea of taking infrequent breaks when you're talking.
- Smile at her, take a sip of your drink, or look around until you have something new to talk about. As long as you feel confident and interested, she will eagerly await the next step in the conversation. If you look nervous or keep looking down, then she will feel uncomfortable, and will probably go “see you around later”.
- Use pauses in the conversation. When you stop talking, make it sound like you're thinking carefully about what she's going to say. She will try to figure out what you are going to say, and she may also feel compelled to fill the silence with new topics.
- The speed with which one person speaks naturally is synchronized with the speed of the other person. This means that people unconsciously imitate the speed of another person's speech. So if you speak slowly, she will speak slowly, and the conversation will last longer. The key to speaking slowly is to be confident, not nervous.
- Think of breaks as a chance for her to impress you. Don't feel like you have to push subject after subject to keep the conversation going. During the break, you silently invite her to take the initiative. If she does talk, it is because she is enjoying talking to you.
Step 5. Keep the conversation light
Don't focus on some controversial subject or anything that makes you uncomfortable. Also, don't gossip about other people, because that will make her think you're not really nice.
- Use your sense of humor. But don't go on a joke that shocks or embarrasses you. Take it easy before you say something she finds mean or offensive.
- Practice telling funny stories. More than just jokes, people love to hear stories about funny things that happened to you.
- Get to know pop culture. Stay tuned for what's new in the world of celebrities, and what's new in film and music. When you know what's going on in the outside world, you'll always have something to talk about. What's more, you can still impress her with the number of things you know.
Step 6. Focus on body language
As far as you're concerned, always make eye contact, sit up straight and smile warmly. When you do these things, she will see that you are focused on her.
- Watch the way she uses her body. If she makes eye contact with you, lightly touches your arm, or leans toward you while you're talking, then you can be sure she has feelings for you.
- Fancy body language. Do not cross your arms, stamp your feet, sigh or moan audibly. All these tics are signs that you are bored or not satisfied with her.
- If she constantly looks around, stirs her drink, or looks at her watch, or seems to be thinking of a way to escape, then you may be losing her interest. You might try something like “Are you having a bad day? You seem so far away.” Or, if the conversation wasn't all that interesting, just politely say “Nice talking to you” and walk away.
Step 7. Keep your attention on her at all times
Let her know you think she's important. Don't be shy about talking a little about yourself, but focus on her mostly.
- Turn off your phone while chatting with a girl. If you go outside to take this call, you can come back and see that it's not even there anymore.
- If you meet friends, introduce them to them, but stay focused on the conversation between the two of you. Try giving your friends some subtle warnings so that they realize this is not a good time to talk to you, perhaps at another time.
Step 8. End the conversation in a good tone if she has to
Say you enjoyed talking to her and getting to know her. If you really felt a connection, ask for her number. The next morning, send a message saying that you enjoyed the conversation between you, and wish her a good day. You may get a second chance to chat if she replies to this message.
- A good rule of thumb is to wait at least a day before calling her, especially if you approached her as a stranger. She shouldn't think you're thrown, and you don't want to look needy. Give it a one-day wait.
- When you call her, keep the conversation short and gentle. Unless she's really enjoying the conversation, just ask her if she wants to go to the movies or go out for coffee. You must impress her in person, where you can better repair her mistakes if she says something wrong.
- Keep up appearances until you know she likes you. It can feel a little awkward if you push too hard, so try to find a good balance. And at all times, keep the conversation flowing.
- You'll always feel a little nervous when trying to carry on a conversation with a girl, but you'll feel more confident if you start talking to a wider variety of them. At some point, the more conversations you start, the more likely you are to meet an amazing girl.
- Remember that talking to a girl is a risk-free activity. If you don't jump at the chance to start a conversation, you'll never know what you missed. If the conversation flows well, you can create a deeper connection with the girl.
- If you are from another country or culture other than the girl, talk about your race/ethnicity/culture or introduce it in your language. For example, if you are Asian, and you are trying to talk to a girl who is American, introduce her to the Asian language or talk about how your culture is different.
- be nice and be yourself
- Remember not to gossip or badmouth anyone, just focus on them. Gossip can make you look girly. If she somehow starts gossiping, then you're possibly heading to "Friendzone". Possibly. It doesn't mean you're in it.
- Keep mints or gum nearby. That way you can feel confident that your breath is fresh while you're talking to her.
- Make eye contact, even if she's wearing a short dress. If she catches you looking at her breasts, the conversation between the two of you won't last long.