The only thing worse than a couple's fight is dealing with the angry, sulking guy after the argument. It's not easy going through your day normally knowing the guy is mad at you, even if you know it's your fault. Still, this doesn't have to last, as you can resolve the situation by choosing the right time to talk and being honest with your conversation.
Part 1 of 3: Reconciling with your boyfriend after a fight
Step 1. Give the boy time and space
If you just had a fight and you're reading this text, you're probably a little desperate to fix things. If the guy is really mad, though, you'd better give him some space. Obviously, you shouldn't wait too long to reconcile things, but wait a few days at least, until he seems more willing to talk. Even if you're in a hurry, trying to speed up the process is likely to cause more fights and misunderstandings.
- In case he ignores her and gives a complete ice, a sign that he is not ready to talk. Don't force the bar.
- Only let him talk about what happened when he seems willing to talk and keep eye contact with you.
Step 2. Choose the place and time to talk well
After a while, when your boyfriend seems more willing to talk, find a quiet place where they can be alone to talk for real. Pick a good time where he doesn't seem stressed about anything, as getting the timing right can make things work better.
- Make it clear that you would like to talk rather than surprise him with a sudden conversation. Even if he's not too excited to talk, he'll certainly appreciate the warning.
- It's important to talk in an environment where you won't be interrupted by friends or family.
Step 3. Sincerely apologize
If you feel like you've stepped on the ball ugly, it's better to open up for real. It's not enough to say "I'm sorry I got mad…" and blame him or say he overreacted. Look him in the eye, get rid of distractions and calmly apologize. It's a good idea to explain exactly how you feel and say what caused the problem, as well as how upset you were that you hurt him. It all depends on what you are feeling and what you are willing to feel.
Obviously, if the guy was to blame for the fight, don't apologize just to get over the situation. Think carefully about whether you really want him to continue in your life before you reconcile with him
Step 4. Listen carefully if he wants to speak
If you've done your part and he was willing to listen, now it's your turn to pay attention to what he has to say. Look into his eyes, stand still and listen carefully to what he has to say. You're likely to be surprised by what he's feeling. No interrupting him or acting like he doesn't agree, after all, we're talking about his feelings. Show that you care and are able to listen first.
- Even if you feel like he's not understanding what happened, listen to his side of the story. Then you can talk more deeply and reach a consensus.
- If you listen carefully, you may find that his side of the story is more complex than you imagined. It's even possible that you realize that you've hurt him deeply, even unintentionally.
Step 5. Be affectionate with him
Now that you've made peace, go on with your lives, but do your best not to repeat the same mistakes from the past. Hug or kiss him, as physical closeness will help in reconciliation. The important thing is to do this only when you've gotten over the situation, without making you uncomfortable. Obviously, you shouldn't use affection to win him back while he's still mad, as this is not a good long-term solution.
When they are about to reconnect, physical contact will help to strengthen the relationship. Even a pat on the hand, a squeeze on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek can reinforce your reconnection
Step 6. Remind him how much you care for him
Once you're getting love and affection back, you can reconnect intimately again. Don't be afraid to tell him how important he is to you, how upset you were by the fight, and how happy you are to have him back. Be very honest and, if possible, craft your sentences well to declare your love for his sense of humor, intelligence, or some other aspect of his personality.
- Obviously, no humiliating yourself and saying you're completely in love if that's not the case. Be honest with your feelings.
- Make it clear how sad you were after the fight and how hard it is to go through life without him.
Step 7. Make a romantic gesture
Don't think only men need to be romantic! You can do that too, but it's important to find something that will win back your boy. Put together a playlist for him, buy tickets to his favorite band's concert, write a letter or take him on a surprise date. Small gestures can help your boyfriend see how much he hates fighting and how much he means to you.
Obviously you don't have to spend to show your love, and no money in the world will solve your romantic problems. What matters is the gesture
Step 8. Do something he always wanted to do
Another good option to win back your boyfriend is to do something that excites him. For example, if he has always wanted to practice climbing, look for a local gym that offers this sport and go with him. Does he always ask you to watch Corinthians games and you never agree? Call him to go to the stadium and accompany him on his journey. Does he want to see a new restaurant that has opened? Surprise him and book a table!
- The most important thing is to come up with the idea on your own. That way, you show that you've been paying attention to his tastes.
- Remember to do this only after you've reconciled your relationship with the guy, or your plans could go down the drain.
Step 9. Take extra care for a while
After they get back together, be a little cautious and avoid touching sensitive subjects, especially if one of them was the one that sparked the fight. Keep your relationship lighter and more fun, at least for a while - the idea is not to look like someone else just to please you, but rather to avoid starting fights whenever possible.
If you want to move the relationship forward, wait a while before saying something like "I love you" for the first time, moving in with the guy, or taking a trip. It's not good to do these things right after a fight
Step 10. Don't weigh your hand
Reconciliation is important, but everything has its limits. If you're trying to get back together with your boyfriend by sending him love letters and letters, calling him all the time, cuddling him and asking if he still loves you. These things will only make the relationship more insecure and will make it difficult for you to recover after the argument. Take it easy and trust that your relationship will grow stronger over time.
If he's already forgiven you but needs some space, respect him and trust him to come back when he's ready
Part 2 of 3: Reconciling with a friend after a fight
Step 1. Don't gossip to other friends
When one of your friends gets mad at you, it's normal to want to tell other friends of yours about the argument. It is best to avoid this unless you are looking for advice on how to resolve the issue. Trust me, if he finds out you've been badmouthing him behind his back, it will only make things worse.
It's better to say good things "behind" him, so that this message gets to him. This will increase the chances of a forgiveness in the future
Step 2. Be honest about what happened
Men have a hard time being open and honest, but if you want your friendship to grow, you have to be honest with the guy. Let him know what caused the fight and tell him what you would have liked to have done differently. This will make him respect you more and increase the chances that they will remain friends in the future.
Say how you feel and what you hope to get out of the conversation. No paying blasé just for being afraid to show what you're feeling inside
Step 3. Apologize and resume friendship if both are ready to take this step
Tell him that you felt bad about the argument, that you hate being in a fight, that you truly value his friendship, and that you can't imagine yourself without him. If you've really made a mistake, it's time to take responsibility for it so you both can move forward.
Be honest and say on the tin: "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry." No lip service! Show that you are sincere
Step 4. Embrace him
If you are close friends, there is nothing wrong with hugging him after you make up. If you're both excited about getting back together, hug him tightly to show how much this relationship means to you. A lot of guys aren't so verbal when it comes to talking about friendship, and a good way to reinforce the value of this relationship is with a nice long hug.
If you've never hugged before, relax and act like it's commonplace and normal. No nervousness at this time, huh?
Step 5. Be a little more affectionate after reconciliation
After they rekindle friendship, make an extra effort to be affectionate, but don't make it look like you're doing it just to make up for the fight. Do little favors for him, like bringing him coffee or helping him prepare for a test. Do your best to treat him with respect, without offending him or making nasty comments.
Is there anything he really wants to do, like watching a movie or going to a show? Invite him to go with you
Step 6. Don't let the problem repeat itself
Do you want to make it clear that you learned from the mistakes of the past? Be more careful in the future and avoid fights with your friend, especially if the argument happened because of something you did. Control your attitudes and learn to read a guy's body language to see when he's annoyed about something.
If the fights keep happening, it's a sign that your friendship is problematic and not flowing. If you really care about the guy, do your best to change
Part 3 of 3: Knowing what not to do under any circumstances
Step 1. Don't apologize by message
One thing to avoid at all costs is to apologize virtually, whether by message, via Facebook, email or any other form of that type. Trying hard to talk in person shows you care and are brave. Obviously, if you guys are too far apart, a phone call might be enough, but do your best to apologize in person and demonstrate that the guy is worth the effort.
- If you apologize by text message, the guy will think you don't care enough to put in the effort in the conversation.
- It's possible he won't even respond to your virtual apology.
Step 2. Don't ask him if he's still mad, as this tactic doesn't work
It's okay to be nervous about whether or not the guy is mad, but asking this question over and over will only make it worse. A lot of people think asking it out of the box can speed up reconciliation, but that will just keep reminding the guy of everything that happened and make the effects of the fight last longer.
Trust me, your gut will tell you he's stopped being mad. Asking it a zillion times won't change anything
Step 3. Don't pay lip service
You want to regain the guy's trust and make him stop being angry, not make up a little excuse that will make it clear that you're just asking for forgiveness so that he'll stop being angry. For example, never say "Yeah, I think I'd better apologize" or "I'm sorry" in a passive-aggressive way. Make it clear that you are sincere and that you are sorry. If you don't sound sincere, your apology will have no effect.
- Make eye contact, turn your body toward the guy, and show how much you're hurting from the whole situation.
- Never make excuses for your behavior. Take responsibility for what happened.
Step 4. Choose the right time for the chat
It's not a good idea to talk to the guy at the wrong time. For example, don't apologize when he's doing something important, like studying for an assessment or preparing for a job interview. Speak only when he is not stressed and seems willing to talk. Avoid asking if he is angry in front of others, as this shows he is not taking the issue as seriously as she asks.
If you're going to apologize at a bad time, you're only going to make things worse. The guy will be more irritated by the fact that you weren't tactful when it came to looking for him. Don't start off on the left foot
Step 5. Don't try to reconcile things too soon
Nobody likes to know that someone else is mad, but if the guy is really nervous, it's not a good idea to try to fix things in the same day. Give him a little time to calm down before trying to talk and pick up where you left off. When he speaks right away, he may not be ready to listen and become even angrier.