It's hard to be absolutely sure if someone is trying to avoid you, it may just be a part of life's adversities that keep paths from crossing. Some signs, however, are pretty obvious: saw your friend somewhere and he didn't even look at you, or left a message on social media and he never bothered to reply? Try to put yourself in that person's shoes to understand if there's a reason they want to avoid you.
Method 1 of 3: Identifying the behavior
Step 1. Analyze the lack of communication
Did the guy stop talking to you, even sporadically? Does he usually only get in touch via social media, messages or email, but never in person? If there's a friendship or something else, and the person just stops talking, it's a sign that they're avoiding you.
The situation may be simpler than it sounds: your friend may be very busy. If he sends you a message like “Sorry I didn't return your calls, I'm in a troubled period in college. Shall we meet next week?”, you can breathe a sigh of relief. But if he continues to get these messages week after week without a decision to date effectively, or if he doesn't get any messages at all, it's another sign that he's dodging
Step 2. Note the excuses
Does he find justifications for not being with you, like the busy work routine or the busy social life? When a person always has an excuse on the tip of his tongue to cancel plans, it's good to stay alert.
Don't be so harsh. Sometimes unforeseen events do happen, and your friend can be truly overwhelmed. When the person makes up too many excuses, they may even be dodging, but that doesn't mean they don't want to be with you
Step 3. Make eye contact
The next time you meet him in person, look him in the eye. If he avoids contact, looks away quickly, or rolls his eyes, there's something wrong there.
Step 4. Send a message and wait for the reply
A simple message like "Hey, how are you?" no response means the person is not in the mood for a chat. Send another message a few days later, but no accusations or judgments, just trying to get a conversation going. If the guy still doesn't respond, don't push it. Respect his decision and don't insist anymore.
- Some messaging services show when the person has read what you've written. Use this feature to find out if you are being ignored. Reading all messages and not responding is a sure sign that he's not in the mood for conversation. If the message doesn't show up as read, try to see the last time he was online.
- Take his habits into consideration. A person who doesn't go on social media frequently may end up missing some messages. However, if he is the type that is connected all the time and still does not respond, it is an indication that you are being ignored.
Step 5. Observe the answers
During the conversation, do you notice that he gives laconic answers and has no interest in continuing the conversation? Maybe he's trying to get off the subject and get out of here.
An example: you arrive and say “Hey, it's been a while! How is it going?" and the guy just says “Fine”, it's a sign that he doesn't feel like talking to you at all
Step 6. Notice how he treats you in front of other people
If he talks to everyone in the group but you, it's a sign that he's dodging. This doesn't mean that you're refusing to have any kind of contact, but that your presence is irrelevant to him. Try saying something directly to the guy and see how he reacts. A short, blunt response, or total lack of communication, are clear signs that he is not interested in taking this relationship forward, whether it be friendship or love.
- Compare the kind of treatment given when you are in a group with his behavior when you are alone. He may be the type who feels shy in the presence of other people, but who loosens up more when you're alone.
- Does he leave the scene when you arrive? A sign of disinterest greater than that, impossible.
Step 7. See if he respects your opinions
During meetings or conversations with friends, does he ask for your opinion or pay attention when you speak? Lack of interest means you are ignoring her and not interested in her point of view.
Step 8. Don't accept less than you deserve
You don't have to put up with the whims of someone who doesn't consider you a priority in life. The guy may be afraid to commit and want to take things without major involvement. Some simple ways to see your importance in his life:
- The relationship doesn't move forward: there's always too much drama involved, it stagnates or you feel down.
- People only show up when they want something: money, attention, sex or someone to listen to their problems. Are you not being used?
- Plans are always made at the last minute. He only shows up at your house or texts you late at night, without planning anything in advance.
Method 2 of 3: Understanding Behavior
Step 1. Reflect on whether the guy has reasons to want to avoid you
Some fight or disagreement may have caused this separation, or perhaps it was something offensive that you said without realizing it, or he simply doesn't feel comfortable in your company. Think about your behavior towards the boy and try to identify possible reasons that could be the cause of this distance.
Step 2. Look at the patterns
Analyze the circumstances that made you feel ignored and see if there is anything in common between the situations. It may be that the person only avoids you in the presence of other people or in certain places.
- Does he ignore you at certain times or when you are doing specific things? Let's assume you've recently started experimenting with drugs. Maybe that's the reason for your friend's departure.
- Does he avoid her when he is in the company of certain people? Maybe it's not you he wants to avoid, it's someone who hangs around with you. Or maybe he doesn't like the way you behave when you're with a certain group of friends. Another possibility is that he is a shy and introverted person, who prefers to be alone with you, but disappears when you are surrounded by people.
- Does he shy away from your company when he's trying to work or study? He can enjoy your presence in a more relaxed and social time, but not when it involves work or study.
Step 3. Look at the ways you get in touch
If he tends to be very present in person but never responds to your text messages, this may not be the ideal way to communicate with him. This can happen for a number of factors, one of them being that the person is too busy with work, study and training, and doesn't have time to develop a long and in-depth message conversation.
Step 4. Remember that people distance themselves
Have you noticed any changes since your friend started distancing himself from you? If so, how significant were these changes? He may have started hanging out with a new group of friends, become interested in someone else, or even become more involved in a hobby or sport. The closeness between friends is a lovely thing, but over time people change and distance themselves, and that's absolutely normal. If he decided to move on, do the same.
- You too may have changed. It is possible that the person is acting as he always did, but you may be different now. New friendships, a new habit that bothers your friend or lack of time to be with them are things that cause people to drift away.
- Each going one way doesn't mean they can never be together again, but it's a decision for both of them to make if they want to try to keep the relationship alive.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing With Rejection
Step 1. Confront the guy
If you're sure he's avoiding you, talk to him about it. He may be acting this way because of something you did wrong or because he is having a personal problem. In these cases, the best thing to do is to be objective and explain that you are uncomfortable with the situation.
- In an uncertain scenario, say “I've been wanting to talk to you about this for a while. The feeling I get is that you're avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?".
- bluntly apologize for whatever you did wrong and try to remedy the situation. Say, for example, “Things have been a little weird between us since last week's fight. I value your friendship very much and prefer to try to work things out and move on well. It's not worth ruining so much friendship time by a silly argument”.
- The best way to have this conversation is alone with the person or through a mediator such as a therapist. Choose the most suitable way thinking about your well-being and that of your friend.
Step 2. Ask a mutual friend for help, but don't talk behind the other person's back
If you have a mutual friend, ask for help to resolve the situation. Say “Do you know why Pedro is upset with me? He's been avoiding me lately.”
Don't spread gossip. If you really value this friendship, be careful what you say. Anything negative you say may end up reaching his ears, and that will only further inflame the situation
Step 3. Give space
Sometimes people need to face their problems alone before reconnecting with others. In many cases, pressuring someone to go back to what they were before only pushes them further away. Be patient, open and go about your life normally. When your friend is ready to be with you again, you'll be the first to know.
- Make your intentions very clear. Say “I know you need space, so I'm going to step back a bit. When you need me, the door will always be open”.
- Open your heart. It's hard to get on with life when you love someone a lot. Take a break from the relationship, reminisce about the good times and try not to hold on to grievances.
Step 4. Let it roll
It's not easy to give up on someone, especially when it's someone you've given your time and attention to. At some point, however, you have to accept that things are never going to be the way they were, and that's part of life. Getting stuck in the past mulling over what happened will make the process much slower and more painful. Forget it and try to go on in peace.
Forgetting doesn't have to be forever. Just following the current flow doesn't mean you can never have contact with that person again, it's just a phase where you need to emotionally let go of someone who isn't open to having you in life right now
- When the situation persists for a long time, it's time to let it go. If he can't make time to be with you, maybe he's just lost interest. Accepted.
- Does the person feel uncomfortable when you're around? This is an indication that she is not very keen on your presence.
- Worry doesn't help at all. If you're feeling uncomfortable with having someone avoid you, ask a close friend to ask the guy why he's upset with you.