It's between the ages of 13 and 16 that puberty happens, that moment in the lives of boys and girls when a change in style marks the transition between childhood and adolescence. Piercings represent a new way of expressing yourself through the look, they give another dimension to clothing, changing the individual style of the wearer. The problem is that doing this before age 18 requires express parental permission, which seems almost impossible to achieve; luckily, it's not for that. Read on and you'll see some methods that will get your parents to consent to you getting a piercing.
Part 1 of 3: Preparing to Talk to Your Parents
Step 1. Research about piercings
The first step in getting your parents' long-awaited permission is to know which type you want. The most popular are on the ear, lips, tongue, navel, septum and nostrils and for each there are different models, sizes and colors. You can find these lists on the internet or at piercing studios.
- For example, if you want to get an ear piercing, you'll have to choose from 10 to 15 different places it can be positioned, including the entire lobe and upper cartilage, inner shell, and so on. Know exactly what type of jewelry you want to wear and where you want it to be.
- As for the shapes, you can choose between barbell, closed loop, open loop, curved barbell, plug, reamer, etc.
Step 2. Find a good piercing studio
Search for piercing studios on the internet until you find one that is close to your home and analyze the ratings given by clients (usually it varies between one and five). Establishments that score less than four should not even be considered. Once you find a location, go in person and observe the cleanliness of the location and the attitude of the staff. Ask other customers in attendance questions about personal experiences and write them down.
Step 3. Ask your friends about their experiences
Some may have a story or another to tell, whether it's about buying the jewelry or how it was to convince their own parents. They will be able to give an informed idea of the pain they felt, their jewelry preferences and places to pierce, and which studio they pierced.
Write down all this data. You can jot down these and more reports from your friends to use when you want to argue with your parents
Step 4. Write down why getting a piercing is so important to you
Be objective and clear to describe the reasons that make you want or need it so much – they can range from superficial reasons to very serious reasons. Note both the practical reasons (because the jewelry is beautiful, for example) and the emotional ones (I feel like a better person with him). After you've written your argument, refine it and take out the parts that might cause your parents to deny your request and the parts that don't matter. Formulate your line of reasoning in coherent sentences, with nouns, adjectives and verbs.
For example: “I want to put a black stent on my earlobe because it's a beautiful accessory and it gives me extra self-confidence to be more independent”
Step 5. Rehearse your arguments
You can do this in front of a mirror, or for one of your friends. Try to memorize each one as much as possible, because when you argue you will be more eloquent and it will be easier to convince your parents. Use a firm but respectful tone and use specific words and terms. Instead of just memorizing a line, include your own thoughts. Make the argument convincing. Practice three or four times.
Step 6. Gather material to present to your parents
You will need an image of the jewelry you have chosen, photos of the establishment, brochures and information about the practice, medical statistics of possible infections, etc. The idea is to be even more ready than you need to, after all, if they ask questions, you have to know the answers.
Mind you, don't use medical statistics that go against your arguments. If all the stats you found about piercing a certain body part are negative, ponder and choose another area of the body; infection is serious
Step 7. Wait until the time is right
Ideally, your parents are in a good mood when you start the conversation. Furthermore, you you will also need time to think through everything you have discovered from your research; a rash decision is never beneficial. Waiting a week, a month, a year may be necessary to prepare and decide what you want to do.
If they start screaming and fighting, don't confront them. They may have other reasons and problems to deal with, don't overload them and try to understand them
Part 2 of 3: Starting the conversation with your parents
Step 1. Say you want to have a serious conversation
Let them know it's not a joke, use firm language, be assertive – say in person you want to talk, speaking by written message is not a good idea. Choose a day and schedule a time. Don't talk too much or beat around the bush. Simply say you want to talk about something serious to yourself and set the best time for everyone.
Say “I want to talk to you about an important matter. It's nothing serious, but it's important to me and I want you to listen to what I have to say.”
Step 2. Everyone sit in a comfortable place
Good places to have such a conversation are the living room and your bedroom. Dim the light to make the environment less stressful. Turn off your phone and ask them to silence theirs too. The TV should be turned off and you should be seated close to each other so that no one's voice needs to change.
Having pillows and cushions spread out to sit on can be even better. Ideally, all of you are very comfortable
Step 3. Start by talking about all the right things you have done
It could be your grades at school, events you worked for, or family members you helped. This is a good way to break the ice and show that you are more mature and full of achievements. This will soften the tone of the conversation in the transition to the topic of “putting a piercing”, which is controversial in nature. Once your parents are engaged in the conversation and with all your improvements fresh in memory, they may be more receptive to your requests.
- List all the good grades you have gotten at school. Talk about how you don't bother with your homework and still help colleagues do their homework as well.
- Volunteer activities, such as donating blood and cleaning beaches, will show your parents the responsible young adult you have become.
Step 4. State your case
You can read their arguments or speak in your head, gesture like an Italian to add emphasis and emotion to your side. Use logical and cohesive sentences and remember not to stray from the subject; if your parents interrupt, remind them that you're still talking and that they can ask what they want later (kindly and respectfully). Make your point, provide evidence and repeat your argument.
Step 5. Try not to get emotional and avoid being irrational
Crying, whining, and grimacing will only show that you are still a child incapable of dealing with your own feelings, so you are not yet mature enough to decide to get a piercing. You must remain calm and calm. Speak from your heart, but don't let it dominate your head. Show yourself a thinking being, a rational adult, who uses facts to support his own arguments.
Step 6. Show them the collected materials
Give the collected pictures and information sheets for your parents to read. You can introduce them as you mention them in the conversation, or give them all at once at the end. Show them which leaflet is about what so they don't get confused. They will have to look at this material again later, they better know what to expect.
If you like, you can read the handouts with them, or let them read it and ask them what they want
Step 7. Ask if they have any questions or answers
This is a dialogue, not a monologue, so they should join the conversation. Whenever they ask a question, have an answer ready; if your parents notice weakness in argumentation or lack of research, they will have serious doubts that you are ready to get a piercing. When you don't know an answer, talk about the sources of the information you've collected so they can look up those answers for themselves and realize you know what you're talking about. Don't leave them thinking “But what if…”.
Part 3 of 3: Strengthening the debate with a foundation
Step 1. Take your parents to the chosen studio
Sometimes all they need to see you're ready is a little push. Show them where the establishment is, take them inside and present them to the bodypiercer. Show that the place is properly sanitized. Show off photos of other customers' piercings, they will even be able to chat and exchange information about the level of professionalism of the employees.
Step 2. Make agreements
Your parents may have no problem getting you pierced as long as you agree to some rules, which can range from raising your grades in school, helping with more housework, or fighting with your siblings less. Together, write a document with the terms of the contract, what the conditions and deadlines are; if you can meet them, you can get a piercing.
Step 3. Always remind them how important this is to you
It may be that one conversation is not enough, some parents are more stubborn, others are even more resistant to listening to what their children have to say; don't be put off by it, if that's your case. Spend the next few days and weeks mentioning how important this is to you, write reminders with more pertinent arguments – you can even schedule more conversations like this.
Step 4. Invite them to get you pierced
Instead of making them worry about the “dangers” of piercing their nose, for example, ask them to come along. They will certainly be relieved to be there with you for the day, maybe even thrilled enough to get a piercing themselves and a beautiful family moment will be created.
Step 5. Save to buy the jewel
A big sign of maturity is taking responsibility for your personal finances, at least. Most parents don't make enough money for extravagant things like this. Get a job and save your money, you should have enough for the professional and the jewel. Tell your parents that you will bear all related expenses.
Step 6. Go further with your daily tasks
The reality is, you don't even have to talk to show them your maturity level. Wash your clothes, wash the dishes without being asked. Take out the trash on your own, go get your little brother from the soccer school. Spend more time with family on Friday nights, go out to dinner with them. Be part of the family and show that you take responsibility too. They can reward you for your new stage of evolution.
- Speak clearly when talking to your parents. Focus on your goal.
- Your research must be detailed. You will need to know what type of piercing you want, the establishment where you will be piercing and any possible medical consequences.
- After the initial conversation, take a break. Give them a month to reflect.
- Buy a fake jewelry to see how it will look before getting a permanent piercing.
- Don't piss off your parents. Okay, perseverance is a remarkable quality, but hitting the same key too long is childish and they'll see it. You must make absolutely no excuses for them to deny your request.
- Watch out for infections. The piercing hole must be very well taken care of, always keep it clean and disinfected.
- Prepare for rejection. Some parents just don't want to know and say no to this type of request.
- Depending on the type, piercing can cause different pains. It's a good idea to talk to a doctor and a professional bodypiercer to get a feel for the pain and recovery process.