Convincing parents to let you sleep over with a relative or friend is not always an easy task. Sleeping in someone's house can be fun and is a way to get even closer to the person. Parents are concerned, so they sometimes say “no” when you ask to sleep out, but there are ways to get them to change their minds.
Method 1 of 3: Talking to Parents
Step 1. Show that you are responsible
It's important to show that you're prepared, and sometimes a good example says more than a conversation. For a few days, try to show more responsibility. When your parents realize your degree of maturity, they may grant you more freedom.
- Most parents know that at some point their children need to be more independent, but it is important that children also understand that parents have their concerns. They want to know where you walk all the time. Alleviate their anxiety by showing maturity and independence.
- Do your duties without anyone having to ask.
- Do your homework as soon as you get home.
- Take the initiative to share your daily life with them, talking about what happened at school and among your friends.
- Say “please” and “thank you” at mealtimes.
Step 2. Choose the right time to chat
After showing your parents that you're more mature, bring up the subject of sleeping over at someone's house. Choose a time that is flexible for both you and them; that is, don't leave it to talk after 11:00 pm knowing that your parents need to get up early the next day to work. Try talking right after dinner or on the weekend.
- Try to be as mature as possible when broaching the subject. Speak politely, like "Mom, Dad, I need to talk to you guys about something I've been thinking about."
- Good manners at this time can impress them. Say something like "Can we please talk after dinner today?"
Step 3. Focus on the present
Your parents may react negatively if you compare yourself to other families, friends, or siblings. The focus of the situation is on you.
- You might be tempted to say something like "Peter's parents let him go!" or "You let Carol sleep at her friend's house when she was my age." That kind of comment won't change your parents' minds. For them, what other people do or don't do is irrelevant. The rules they make for you are for your own good.
- Talk about your maturity. Highlight important points such as your grades at school and your good behavior. Say something like “I get good grades and never get into trouble. I think you should have more confidence in me.” You can also explain why you so want to spend the night at someone's house. Try saying something like “I love playing with Sofia and her friends at school. It would be really fun to be with the guys without being at school, and this is a good opportunity.”
Step 4. Share the event details
Parents always want to know where you are, what you are doing and with whom. Not revealing this type of information will only keep them from allowing you to sleep in someone else's house. Take the initiative to say where you are going to be, who is going to be there and what you are going to do. Your parents will feel much safer to let you go if they know exactly what it's about.
Step 5. Question the denial
If despite all the arguments they won't let you go, ask the reasons for their refusal. Don't yell or get frustrated so you don't end up generating an argument. Wait a few days until the dust settles and you have time to think about how to approach the subject again. After thinking, bring up the question to see if you are more successful this time.
Method 2 of 3: Addressing Concerns
Step 1. Emphasize the benefits of sleeping at a friend's house
Parents do not always realize the importance that sleeping out has on their child's growth and development. Talk about the benefits of the experience.
- It helps to have confidence. Sleeping outside forces the child to leave the comfort zone, experience different customs, practice good manners and respect, and comply with the rules of the other person's house. Sleeping in someone's house also helps you learn to be a good guest. Tell your parents something like “I think it's going to be good to experience new things. Sleeping at my friend's house will teach me to be a good guest”.
- It helps to develop social skills. Interacting with other children or teenagers of the same age is important for growth. This attitude also teaches the child to be more independent by experiencing new things outside of their own home. Try saying "I love hanging out with you guys, but I'd like the chance to spend time with people my own age too."
Step 2. Make a commitment
If you want to convince your parents to let you sleep over at a friend's house, you need to make a commitment, for example, to call or text every few hours just to let them know it's okay. This will make them feel more secure.
Step 3. Talk about health concerns
If you have any serious allergies, illnesses, or chronic conditions that require treatment, such as asthma, bring them up before your parents. Say how you think about taking care of yourself when you're away.
- Having a solution to your parents' objections can be the threshold between “yes” and “no”. Rebutting with relevant arguments is important in any negotiation, and with parents it could not be different.
- Rehearsing what to do in a situation your parents fear can help. An example of a dialog:
- Son: Well, I'm a little worried about eating peanuts.
- Father: Me too. You've had very serious allergic reactions. What are you going to do if that happens?
- Son: I already put the anti-allergy in my backpack and told my friend's mother that I have allergies. I think everything will be fine.
Step 4. Provide contact information
Your parents are sure to be worried about where you are. Provide your parents' contacts to your friend's family and vice versa. If an emergency occurs and your parents can be reached, they will be more relaxed and the possibility of letting you sleep out is greater.
Method 3 of 3: Trading Effectively
Step 1. Observe your parents' mood
If their mood is good, the “no” can turn into a “yes”. Boost their enthusiasm by doing their homework before someone asks, saying funny things or listening to music together.
Talking about social events, such as school parties or family gatherings where your parents had fun, can help keep them in a good mood
Step 2. Observe their routine
If you find that they are more in the mood in the morning, try talking after breakfast. At this point their mood is likely to be better. If they tend to be more active at night, leave the conversation for after dinner.
Step 3. Ask for something bigger first
A few days before asking to sleep over at a friend's house, ask for something else they'll likely deny. For example, ask to adopt a dog from the animal shelter or ask for your own car. A few days later, when asking to sleep out, they will be more likely to make this concession after they have refused the previous request.
Step 4. Summarize their directions
Explaining in your own words everything your parents said demonstrates that you understand their side. This will help to change their minds and let you sleep in someone else's house. Your parents will see that you are mature enough to listen and understand their point of view.
- If they don't, ask what you can do to change their minds.
- Remember that your behavior in someone else's home will determine whether or not you can repeat the experience.
- Introduce your parents to your friend's family to make them feel more secure.
- Be sure to inform that you are in a quiet part of town. People worry about violence.
- Let your friend know who will be at your friend's house so that your parents can feel more reassured about your safety.
- Introduce your friend to your family so they can meet the host in person before they let you go to their home.
- In order not to blow your friend's expectations down, don't make arrangements with him before talking to his parents.
- Try not to argue before asking someone to sleep over. The argument can put your family in a bad mood.
- If you ask kindly and respectfully, your chances of getting permission to go are greater.
- Let me know in advance. If you make last-minute plans, chances are your parents won't let you go.