Being beautiful is a cruel requirement even for babies. Everyone feels ugly from time to time, but there are people who are sure of it 100% of the time. Feeling like that doesn't mean you have to be unhappy; learn to improve your self-esteem, practice your charm and, first of all, love yourself.
Part 1 of 3: Seeing yourself
Step 1. Challenge the standards of beauty
Incredibly, the standard of human beauty hardly portrays the human figure as it really is; therefore, the way we see ourselves has almost nothing to do with reality. Establishing a form unattainable for most people, this aesthetic standard further deepens the social abyss marked by sexism and racism and excludes the physically handicapped and the elderly. Challenge yourself when you feel ugly; what makes you feel that way, a standard of beauty that abhors the vast majority of humans?
- Television contributes a lot to people wanting to be prettier, younger, blonder, thinner, etc.
- Some highly featured aspects in advertising pieces have little or nothing to do with what is considered attractive in real life.
- The amount of digital retouching done on photographs of normal people is staggering. They remove wrinkles, dark circles, birthmarks, cellulite and other asymmetries and transform the person into what looks like a doll. In real life, a person without any skin tags would be very weird, scary even.
- Different types of beauty serve different purposes. Runway models have to be very thin so their bodies don't distract from the clothes.
Step 2. Get new referrals
Very few people are different from the rest, so they are considered exotic. Most of us lowly mortals are alike in many ways. Look for people who look like you, it's harder to see yourself correctly if you're surrounded by very different people. It's like the ugly duckling story; he wasn't really ugly, but he was being judged in an environment that had nothing to do with him as a puppy.
- Look for photos of people you think are beautiful and who have something in common with you. Look for images of people with similar hair, similar build, similar skin, similar eyes, nose, and mouth.
- Look in magazines and on the internet.
- Find photos of people with the same background as your ancestors.
- Search for images of beautiful people at different times. You'll get a good sense of how the standard of beauty constantly changes with time and place.
- Display all these photos in your bedroom.
- Dress up as one of those icons for the next costume party.
Step 3. Accept praise
Say “thank you” and return the compliment whenever someone says something nice about your appearance. You don't need to agree with the person, who is finding you beautiful is her. Trust her to be sincere.
- When someone says they're into you, believe me too.
- People with low self-esteem have a hard time accepting invitations to go out for obvious reasons. Don't belittle yourself, go for it!
- When it's time, ask the person who invited you what attracts them to you. The answer may surprise you.
- Say what you like about the person too. Knowing how to give compliments is very attractive.
Part 2 of 3: Letting Go of Negativity
Step 1. Baptize your feelings
When negative thoughts start, name them. Ask yourself "Why did I start feeling this way?" and notice what triggered the train of thought; excessive advertising, someone who was rude or mean, tired, hungry, etc. Recognize feelings of "I'm ugly", "I need to lose weight" or "Why can't I be like beautiful people?" when they arrive.
- No need to struggle with ideas. Give them a name and let them go.
- If they don't go away on their own, order them to go: "Because-I-can't-be-like-beautiful-people, go away. You too I'm-ugly. You always bug me when I'm tired, but I'm about to go to sleep and I won't pay attention to your litanies".
- Before making any changes, love yourself. Trying to “solve” the problem without thinking about your value as a human being will get you nowhere and you won't see much change. Accept your body and your feelings.
- Ask yourself: “Do I deserve to be happy? Do I care about me?”
- If you can answer both questions in the affirmative, you are on the right path.
Step 2. Ignore the backbiters
When someone insults you or tries to fix what isn't wrong, ignore it or shut up. Usually people with this level of interpersonal relationships have serious problems. A happy, healthy, self-assured person would never waste time insulting others. When this happens, don't give in to the urge to respond equally, ignoring is much better. If you really need to answer, let it be something succinct like “Mature up” or “Go get treatment”.
- Don't be offended by the insult, don't take it seriously and feel what you have to feel. It is important to remember that you are sad because someone was rude and tried to make him insecure. Name these feelings too.
- Do not have jaguar friends, those who like to criticize and make others feel bad. Surround yourself with nice and kind people.
- Don't be offended when someone gives you a tip about beauty. Someone who knows lots of tricks about hair, makeup, skin care and styling has what it takes to be a good friend. With all this new knowledge in aesthetics, even your self-esteem will gain.
Step 3. Use charming expressions to talk about yourself
When you get a visit from those unwanted mental friends, send them away. Treat yourself like a dear friend – would you call a friend ugly? Would you criticize everything he does? Do you only care what your friends look like?
- Write yourself a letter describing yourself as a friend would. When you find yourself forcing or changing something, stop. Try to see yourself as the people who love you see you and write it down.
- How many times have you heard the term “ugly”? It is relatively rare to hear and is often spoken by children in full mental formation, frustrated teenagers and insecure adults. People who know you would probably be surprised and sad to know that you think that way about yourself.
- Would you describe a dear friend as ugly? Would that be the first feature that would come to mind about him?
- Unless you really hate yourself, you would hardly think that of others.
Step 4. Get help
Seek professional help if you cannot like yourself at all and if you begin to manifest desires for self-harm. Notice if you're depressed, running away from activities you used to enjoy, if you're anxious at the thought of socializing or going to a work environment. Get help if this is happening.
Try to remember if people describe you differently than how you look, or if you think about your appearance for more than a few minutes a day, and see a doctor if the answer is yes
Part 3 of 3: Feeling great
Step 1. Discover a passion
Doing something you love can give your life new meaning. Think about what you really like to do. Write down your thoughts from time to time and try to identify talents as you read them. Some writing activities that can help you discover what you love are:
- Think about childhood dreams. What did you most love to do as a child? Did you like dodgeball? Did you dance, draw, what did you do? Write about the things you enjoyed doing.
- Make a list of people you admire. Try to make a “Top 5” of the people you most admire. Write down what fascinates you most about them and how you could incorporate it into your life.
- Reflect on what you would do if you knew you would be successful. Stop and imagine: suddenly you can do anything and you will succeed. What would you do knowing that? Write your answer.
Step 2. Hone your talents
Now that you know what makes you happy, it's time to add it to your routine. A passion can become a hobby and you can even change careers.
- If your dream is something difficult to achieve, like being an actor, start taking acting classes to have more contact with the performing arts and relax. The result of this can only be good.
- Notice how you feel when you use your talents. See if you're happy and entertained. This feeling is confirmation that you are doing something you love; however, if you feel lazy or bored, this might not be your thing.
Step 3. Assume your power of attraction
Beauty and attraction are different things. Although beauty contributes a lot to a person's attractiveness, there are several qualities and aspects of a person that strongly influence their charm.
- Intelligence, kindness, healthy appearance and humor are good examples of what is attractive.
- Being attractive is about being balanced, having a realistic self-image, being emotionally stable, and caring for yourself with love.
Step 4. Be flashy on the outside too
There are many lovely physical manifestations besides appearance. Walking, posture, smiling and laughing are very sensual aspects of a person. Walk gracefully and relax in elegant positions. Whenever you can, stay upright.
- Smiling is one of the most striking and attractive features that exist. When entering a room, smile at people and make eye contact.
- The red color is considered attractive. For whatever reason, people seem to like her. Add red elements to your clothes, like sneakers or a scarf to stand out.
- Lighten up your makeup. While putting on a little mascara doesn't hurt anyone, putting on too much makeup can interfere with your naturally attractive looks. People are interested in the real appearance of others, so use makeup to highlight your good points and not as a mask to hide.
Step 5. Always dress well
Dressing up is good for self-esteem. Shower regularly, wear clothes that fit your body type. Do not wear clothes that are too tight or too loose, look for pieces with cuts and colors that emphasize your strengths. Also, prefer the ones that say something about you; if you like rock, wear clothes of that genre, for example. If you like accessories, wear scarves and incorporate hats into your look.
- On days when you feel worse, strive to look even more tidy. Dress like you are going to a party, it will make your day better.
- Clothes don't have to be expensive.
- While highlighting the best aspects of the body is a rule of thumb, hiding any part of the body is out of the question. This is your body and it's here to stay, highlight whatever you want.
- Develop a hair, skin, and clothing care routine. Remember to have fun in the process, this is not a must.
Step 6. Take care of your health
Sleep well, eat right, and exercise at your own pace. Get the famous eight hours of sleep if you're an adult or nine if you're a teenager. Fatigue can cause weight gain and other health problems, so sleep.
- Have a balanced diet and a good eating routine. Eating a variety of foods will help you be healthier. Eat fruits, vegetables, lean proteins (like eggs, chicken and beans) and complex carbohydrates like brown rice and pasta.
- Move yourself. An adult needs 150 minutes of light aerobic exercise or 75 minutes of intense aerobics per week.
Step 7. Beware of eating disorders
They are dangerous if not treated properly, so get help if you are fighting this.
- Anorexia is a common disorder. Some signs include cutting down on food all the time, thinking about food all day, feeling guilty when you eat, and feeling fat even if others say no. Excessive exercise can also be a symptom.
- Bulimia is a disorder in which a person binge eats and vomits later, overexercises, or uses laxatives to get rid of calories. Obsession with the body, guilt over eating, feeling out of control over one's food, and eating inordinate amounts are all signs of bulimia.
- Binge-eating disorder (or BED), which causes a person to binge eaters, is a very serious eating disorder. See a doctor, especially if you overeat and don't vomit afterwards.