How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship: 11 Steps

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How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship: 11 Steps
How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship: 11 Steps

Video: How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship: 11 Steps

Video: How to Recognize an Abusive Relationship: 11 Steps
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Are you involved in a weird and destructive relationship? Are your old friends distancing themselves while relatives say you don't seem to like yourself? Before regaining individuality and strength, it is necessary to determine whether the relationship is really taking something away from you; if the answer is yes, it is necessary to put an end to this cycle of destruction.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Revealing Manipulative People

Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 1
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 1

Step 1. Check if any of the signs of abuse or manipulation are present

Read the topics below and answer them honestly, without justifying your partner's behavior - don't say "he's not always like this" or "it's only happened once or twice" - because if it's already happened, it's a serious problem. Just answer “yes” or “no”; even three or four positive answers mean it's time to go find someone else who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Your partner:

  • Make fun of or embarrass you in front of friends and family?
  • Does it minimize your achievements or not encourage you to achieve your dreams?
  • Does it make you feel unable to make decisions?
  • Do you use intimidation, guilt and threats to get your complacency?
  • Does it say what you should and shouldn't wear?
  • Tell me how to leave or comb your hair?
  • Say you're nothing without him or he's nothing without you?
  • Treat you rudely without your consent, pinching, grabbing, pushing or even assaulting you?
  • Do you make several calls a night or show up to make sure you're where you said you'd be?
  • Do you use drugs and alcohol as an excuse to say unkind things or to abuse you?
  • Does it blame you for the way you act or feel?
  • Do you pressure to have sex, even if you still don't feel ready?
  • Does it feel like “there's no way out” of the relationship?
  • Does it prevent you from doing other things you enjoy, like being around family and friends?
  • Don't let them leave a place after a fight, or leave you somewhere after a disagreement, just to “teach a lesson”?
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 2
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 2

Step 2. Watch for stories or rumors about your partner

Have you ever heard multiple versions of the same story? Do friends tell you things about him that you never knew about or your partner always denied? “Half-truths” and selective memories usually mean that the person is “shaping” the truth for you, which is a serious indication of manipulation; find out what is really a lie and what is true.

  • By controlling and manipulating, the partner will not lie, but will speak only “half-truths” and omit facts. When you analyze it closely, you can see that there are strange things to get you to think better, but not enough to reanalyze the entire relationship.
  • If this happens more than once, Stop and remember this is not the first time you have had this reaction. Begin to analyze the discrepancies between what this person says and compare them to their friends' statements. When you find many differences, talk to your partner about the issue; if his reaction or responses aren't satisfactory, it's time to seriously re-evaluate the relationship.
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 3
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 3

Step 3. Keep friends close, especially if your partner is trying to get you to distance yourself from them

Isolation is a tactic to dominate you, and the abusive partner will even look for a way to make it look like the decision to stay away from them is yours. Make sure your partner is always talking behind friends' backs, joking about your family, or arguing with you on nights when you go out with friends. If so, the relationship is harmful and should be avoided at all costs.

  • Controlling people love to cause tension and drama and will “shake up” the situation in many ways. Provocations, acting in a passive-aggressive way and initiating conflicts are some of them; then, as if they were innocent children who did nothing, they will raise their hands and point their fingers in the direction of their friends and relatives.
  • It's much easier for the person to manipulate when you determine that there's too much tension between your partner and loved ones, meaning that you'll soon have no one to turn to for help but him.
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 4
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 4

Step 4. Dismiss excessive possessiveness and jealousy behaviors.

It's nice when your partner protects you, but overdoing it is always scary and uncomfortable. Is he “interrogating” and asking where you were when you were five minutes late getting home or when you left without telling him? Does the handler ask very aggressively about why talking to a certain individual? Or say you don't care about him just because he went out with friends once?

A little jealousy is normal, and for some even “cute”, but it shouldn't affect daily relationships, as it is a sign that your partner doesn't believe you. It's not worth it to nurture affection for a partner who doesn't trust you

Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 5
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 5

Step 5. When you find yourself in situations where you don't have an advantage, distance yourself

For example, your partner may be two hours late, but are you “attacked” for being five minutes late? Or if the handler flirts with another is “just a joke”, but when you greet someone, you are accused of being unfaithful? Does the manipulator complain if you save money, but also if you spend it? In other words, it's always your fault, which is something unforgivable and something that can't happen. These are ways that this individual uses to mess with his head, very common in manipulative relationships. Since he's always right and you're always wrong, get away from him as soon as possible!

Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 6
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 6

Step 6. Ignore the manipulator's false attempts to be “nice”

This happens after a person has done something unforgivable and then wants your forgiveness. Pay attention and check if his inappropriate behavior reoccurs as soon as he believes he has already "hooked" you again and counts on your "complacency".

At this point, the controller may even start to cry, saying that he wants your help to change, especially when you say you will no longer tolerate such behaviors. Most likely, the partner will give away gifts and expensive things to try to impress and gain a second chance. If he betrays your trust again, cut off relationships and distance yourself

Method 2 of 2: Putting Yourself First

Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 7
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 7

Step 1. Be honest with yourself, even if it's painful

It's not going to be cool; after all, manipulative relationships never are, but you need to “recycle” to know what concerns and feelings you'll never understand. Is this relationship healthy or not? Try to be as objective as possible, analyzing how things have changed since you met the person.

Be honest: does sex interfere with your judgment? Regardless of whether your partner is great in bed or not, that should never be the only reason to bond with him

Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 8
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 8

Step 2. Think about how it makes you feel

The person who should be most valued in your life is yourself, isn't it? Don't think your feelings are exaggerated, unimportant, or biased; when you are uncomfortable in the relationship, it means that the other individual is not treating you well. Stay away from him and that's it. This is even more valid if by identifying the following situations:

  • Feeling scared by how your partner will act or react.
  • Feeling responsible for your partner's feelings.
  • Make excuses to justify the handler's behavior to other people.
  • Believing that everything is your fault.
  • Avoid anything that might cause conflict or irritate your partner.
  • Feeling that your partner is never happy with you.
  • Always do what he wants and never what you want.
  • Staying with your partner because you're afraid of what he might do when they break up.
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 9
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 9

Step 3. Analyze the rest of your relationships

Are your relationships with relatives and friends increasingly strained whenever the handler's name is brought up, or when you talk about friends and family with your partner? if all who care about you show concern when the subject's name is spoken, something is wrong.

  • Does the partner make you show your good or bad traits? It is necessary to love yourself always because you are an amazing person. If you don't feel that way, most likely their negative energy is manipulating you to the same low level as this individual.
  • Be aware of the way he behaves around his family and friends, especially if he speaks ill of them and argues with them at all times.
  • Deciding that it's “easier” to ignore friends and family is to determine that this monster has managed to manipulate you and win. It is critical to end this toxic relationship.
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 10
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 10

Step 4. Ignore your own excuses as you are being biased because of love

Falling in love intensely isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's not healthy to have eyes only for that person for a long time, as you can "play blind" to signs that something is wrong, even when friends and family warn them. thing. It's important to take time to reflect and know what's right and what's wrong. Step away from the relationship for a few - in whatever way you can - and ask yourself:

  • Are you always apologizing or defending your partner's behavior towards you? In healthy relationships, this shouldn't be normal, as the other person should be good enough to show that it's obvious why they're together.
  • Do you hide things from people? Privacy is necessary, of course, but don't “hide the monster” under the bed. The problem is not withholding facts, but rather that you are seeing someone who is not a good person, demanding that you keep certain secrets.
  • Do you always do what your partner wants? Surely you are not in a serious relationship to suffer with another "boss" also ruling your life, right? Everyone has the right to have an opinion and have them respected. Forget about people who don't take you into consideration.
  • Lost contact with friends and relatives? Regardless of the passion you have for the person, never lose contact with great friends and family because of the boyfriend. If he's manipulative, he'll try to isolate you because of how easy it is to control your actions, especially if he's the type who always badmouths your friends and relatives.
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 11
Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship Step 11

Step 5. Stop hating yourself for loving him and end the relationship as soon as possible

Recognize that the person is amazing - on the surface - and that you shouldn't punish yourself for being attracted to them. It's normal for manipulators to have traits of intelligence and charm, and that's exactly why they can control other people. The best thing to do is to cut off relationships with these individuals, as they are shallow and not worth your time. Furthermore, this is the fault of the manipulator, not the manipulated; this is only happening because you are better than him, which is all the more reason to let him see ships.

It is necessary to understand that the manipulator uses your love for him against you, trapping you in the relationship. It's not your fault for loving him; he who must be held responsible for using his love to his advantage to gain control

Tips

  • Don't be mean to your partner. You don't have to be like him to run away from the relationship; just say there is no match and you don't want to continue dating or marrying. Full stop. It is unnecessary to keep explaining all the “warning signs” in this article, as this type of person will never recognize that they are wrong. It's like teaching a pig to sing – you'll waste your time and the pig will get even more nervous.
  • If the handler has already threatened you, take it seriously and have a security plan. Never underestimate what certain people can do to keep someone in their power. Do not hesitate to call the police if you feel it is necessary.
  • Confess mistakes to friends and family. apologize for for them - never to the manipulator - for marginalizing them and not considering the bad opinion they had about that person. Also say that you should have listened to them while expressing all the hurt and anger you felt, as your friends and relatives will be happy to share this moment. Say that you cut off the relationship with the person and that the relationship is over, for everyone's happiness.
  • Don't despise the opinions of friends and relatives, as they only want you well. One person can be ignored, but not all; Are they saying that their behavior is weird lately, or that they seem to be different but not in a positive way? Has someone you love ever shown displeasure with their partner?
  • Establishing control is subtle and usually occurs over time. The whole purpose of the article is to help you examine your relationship and look for signs that this is happening, as they can be subtle. A sign by itself may not be a problem, but several of them are reason to talk about it with relatives and friends. If they say they've noticed these signs, it may be time to reassess the relationship - if possible, out of the partner's control.
  • When such manipulators seem to say one thing but do another, open your eyes and don't listen to what they say. Make your decision based on his behavior and conduct rather than listening to what he says. Often the apologies aren't sincere - what controllers really mean is "Sorry I don't like it, but I'll do it again."

Notices

  • People who control and manipulate others are influenced by external factors such as abusive parents or mental and clinical disorders. There is no way to change or “save” this type of person, no matter how much you care about them. The best help options are to refuse to be a victim and direct them to a location for professional help.
  • Watch out for aggressive behavior and threats, including to friends and relatives or committing suicide. Don't rely on your own judgment to determine whether the threats are serious; call the police immediately. It's probably just a difficult person, not dangerous, but it's good not to risk. If necessary, obtain a restraining order and call the police. ever that it is infringed.
  • Compassion is not an easy feeling to be understood or accepted by these people, which will only hurt you even more in the end, as well as being used as a weapon by the manipulator. Separating relationships with him may seem cruel, but it ends the fights and confrontations, forcing them to go on with their lives or seek help.

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