No woman wants her husband to call her fat, but if that happens to you, try to control yourself. Instead of kicking back, take a deep breath, think about how to talk to him and confront what he said with patience and calm. However, if he continues to be rude or defensive, or if he is typically controlling, it's time for you to reflect on whether this relationship is healthy and fruitful. You are the only person responsible for assigning yourself a value, no one else is in control of your body and your choices. Seek support and fight for no one to stop you from being happy with yourself.
Part 1 of 4: Responding Without Aggression
Step 1. Stop and breathe before answering
Being offended by anyone is already a trigger for anger, but if that person is your husband, it can be the trigger for a real battle. Before reacting on impulse, stop for a minute, take a deep breath, calm down, and try to think clearly.
- You can say “After this, I need a few moments away from you” and walk away; don't get into any kind of conversation with him until you calm down.
- Take a deep breath five times, visualizing something positive about yourself or your life; don't dwell on what your husband has just said.
Step 2. Think before you act
Like any normal person, you will be extremely upset and go into defensive mode. However, as natural as this is, reacting aggressively will only cause more conflict and frustration. Strive to be calm and choose neutral words to express how you feel.
- Pay attention to his general behavior. If you notice that he underestimates you and wants to make you feel bad, say “I know where you are going. You want me to hate myself, but I'm stronger than that.”
- On the other hand, if he is usually a caring person, but he said it without thinking and in a moment of frustration, say “What you said makes me hate my body and I feel diminished. Is there a way to solve this problem without offending me?”
Step 3. See if you can talk without fighting
Instead of pointing fingers in each other's faces, try to approach the conversation objectively. Use it as a communication tool; don't use blunt words. Be more neutral than that.
- Maybe it's a case of rethinking whether you can talk about what you feel, especially if he never expresses himself or doesn't let you talk about what's bothering you.
- Consider whether they can talk about sensitive subjects without feeling emotionally broken or disrespected.
- When you talk about it, try to reach a consensus rather than attacking each other.
Part 2 of 4: Believing in yourself
Step 1. Remember that you determine your worth
No one can control your self-esteem for you, and even if your husband's approval is good validation, he can't change how you see yourself.
- Of course, hearing him say you're beautiful makes a tremendous difference to self-esteem, but don't just rely on what he has to say to make you feel good about yourself and how you look.
- Develop your self-confidence and self-love. Repeat self-assertion phrases such as "My value doesn't depend on the numbers on a scale" or "I'm more than my looks show."
Step 2. Prioritize your goals over what your husband says
If he calls you fat, don't panic. If you already have plans about your own appearance, don't let them out of your sight. Don't let your husband control your will to win them over, nor let him interfere with your happiness and your life.
- Set goals that are positive for your health and physical appearance.
- Know what makes you feel special and important, defend yourself and your needs.
- Find ways to be happy with yourself, think about the things and activities that make you really happy, no matter what your husband says.
Step 3. Take care of yourself
Being cursed and offended can make her flinch or attack back. However, don't waste so much energy on negative feelings and thoughts; think about what makes you feel good and the best aspects of your life. Make time for yourself and do the following:
- Just think about the positive attributes of your body and personality and write them down in a journal. Write at least three different things.
- Do things your husband and family don't participate in. Go out and explore a new place, go to dinner with your friends, do something from your wish list before you die.
- Prefer activities that promote a feeling of peace and love for your body – good ideas are yoga and meditation. Get a massage or anything that leaves you feeling satisfied and refreshed.
Part 3 of 4: Recognizing an abusive relationship
Step 1. Find out if this type of behavior is common in your husband
Does he always call you fat and humiliate you? Is swearing and belittling you a habit? Do you often feel helpless and ashamed about yourself?
- If you notice that your low self-esteem and lack of self-esteem are a result of his ignorant behavior, your relationship is likely to be abusive. No one has the right to degrade you, especially your husband.
- Try to keep a record of how many times he puts you down and makes you feel bad each day, week, or month. Remember that being systematically insulted means your relationship is not healthy.
Step 2. Notice whether you feel respected in the relationship
It's not just love that makes a marriage, there are many aspects involved and the most important of them is respect. You must have space to feel and say what you want, after all, you are as important as he is in this relationship. Read the following questions and see if you are respected:
- Do you trust your husband?
- Do you feel safe to talk about whatever you want?
- Do you feel loved for who you are and for the things you do?
Step 3. Detect signs of verbal abuse
One of the aspects of abuse is control and one of the ways to exercise it is by humiliating the victim – like calling her fat, for example. An abuser will use a variety of excuses to validate their behavior, including blaming the victim.
- Think carefully about your relationship and find out if he dominates, humiliates, isolates, threatens, intimidates, or routinely blames you.
- Consider whether you are safe in your home or whether you need to walk on eggshells in dealing with your husband.
- Know that you are not alone. Be brave and face the fact that you deserve better.
Part 4 of 4: Getting support
Step 1. Talk to a social worker
In a situation like this, it's normal to get lost and feel unsafe. In that case, you should look for a social worker; it can help you differentiate an abusive relationship from a healthy one.
- Find out about the Maria da Penha Law. Call 180 and find out how you can proceed. This is the telephone number of the Secretariat for Women's Policies and they will help you to take the most appropriate action.
- Look for a shelter for women victims of domestic violence, find out how the law can help you.
Step 2. Do couple therapy
If your marriage isn't exactly abusive, but you fight constantly, going to a therapist can help you communicate more clearly. View it as a tool for growing and improving the relationship and not something to be ashamed of.
- Therapy should be a priority, seize this opportunity to improve the health of your marriage and to have more confidence in yourself.
- It is possible that your husband does not agree with the therapy; in that case, the best thing you can do is go alone. A therapist will help you deal with and overcome the challenges of your marriage.
Step 3. Get in touch with friends and family
Seek their support and understanding. Choose people you can really trust, talk to them about your relationship issues and what your husband has said. Probably one of them will have something valuable to teach.
- Don't isolate yourself when someone (be it your husband or anyone else) insults you. Talk to the people you love, go after friends and relatives who want to see you happy.
- Develop your strength and wisdom through others who have suffered from self-image or a dysfunctional marriage.