You may have been wrong but are willing to step forward and ask for forgiveness… it's the right thing to do! An apology letter is an excellent way to make amends for a mistake or to help someone, even if the mistake was not intentional. If you want the excuse to really have an effect and not cause even more wounds, the ideal is to follow the advice below. Start at Step 1 to learn how to write a nice apology letter.
Method 1 of 3: Forming Your Excuses
Step 1. State the letter's intentions
It's a good idea to start by saying that you intend to apologize through the letter, which will give the person a chance to emotionally prepare to read the rest. You don't want the individual to be confused about why they receive the letter or what will be said in it.
Say something like "I would like to apologize through this letter"
Step 2. State what your mistake was
Now that you've acknowledged that you were wrong, say what the apology was and why it was wrong. Be objective and descriptive, exposing everything you didn't do right; in this way, the person receiving the letter will truly understand your actions.
Write something like: "What I did over the weekend was totally inappropriate, disrespectful, and extremely selfish. Your marriage should be all about your happiness and celebration of your love. By declaring myself to Jessica, people's attention shifted to me. I tried to steal your moment and it was wrong."
Step 3. Recognize how you hurt the person
Show that you know you hurt her and that you understand what it was like to put a knife through her heart. This is a good time to mention, too, that it was never your intention to hurt her.
Say: "Joao told me that the way I acted not only ruined your marriage, but is also affecting your honeymoon, making it not the unforgettable experience it should be. I hope you understand that this was never my intention. I just wish you could remember everything that happened before this moment and keep the good and happy things that I ruined with my selfish actions. I stole your pleasant memories. Although I can't really know how you're feeling, I sure do know that what I did was one of the worst things I could have done to you."
Step 4. Express all your gratitude
If you prefer, although it is not mandatory, acknowledge all the effort and good things that the individual in question has done for you in the past. This shows that you are grateful for all of this and that you are really feeling bad about what happened.
Write something like: “For me, mostly, it was a really terrible thing I did, considering how openly he accepted me into his family. Not only did he show his amazing and beautiful love to my brother, but he also supported me with his great kindness, something I never expected. Hurting him like that was an insult to all the things you've done to me and I deeply hate myself for it.”
Step 5. Accept responsibility
This is one of the most important parts of an apology, but it can be the most difficult to say. Even if the other person made a mistake, this cannot be acknowledged in this letter, but that you admit responsibility for the mistake openly, without reservation. Maybe there was a good reason to do what you did, but that shouldn't stop you from recognizing that your actions hurt someone else.
- Write a sentence similar to this in your own words: "I'd like to try to offer an explanation for what I've done, but there's no excuse. My intentions, while good, don't matter here; only the wrong decisions I've made. I admit I have totality. responsibility for my selfish actions and the terrible pain I caused you.”
- Don't make excuses for your actions, but explain your reasons very carefully. If you really feel that it is necessary or that it would improve the situation, you can demonstrate why you are making these decisions. This should only be done if you feel that understanding your way of acting can give a little comfort to the person who is resentful.
Step 6. Offer a solution that will lead to change
Just saying you're sorry isn't enough. What really makes an apology valid is finding a way to solve the problem later; it is even better than saying that this will never happen again. By offering a plan for change and demonstrating how it will work, the individual will realize that you really want to improve the situation.
For this, write: “But just apologizing is of little use. You deserve much more. When you get back here, Jessica and I would love to throw a welcome bash in your honor. It will be the biggest party ever and will be 100% dedicated to celebrating the unconditional love you share with my brother. If you prefer not to have a party, no problem: I just wanted to find a way to help you create good and happy memories, like the ones I ruined”
Step 7. Show your desire to better interact with her in the future
Do not ask her to forgive you directly, as this causes you to demand something, whether intentional or not, from the person you have failed before. The best thing is to express what you really want, which is better interaction between the two of you in the future.
Write the following: "I can't wait for your forgiveness, but I certainly hope you receive it. All I can do is say that I really want things to be good between us, for you to feel good and even happy when I'm around. I want to recover the incredible relationship that we had before. I hope that in the future we can overcome this event and create good memories together again."
Method 2 of 3: Apology Appropriately
Step 1. Don't promise changes if you're not 100% sure you can keep them
This is very important because if you made a mistake that you think you can repeat or that stem from personality or values differences, don't make any promises to change, after all it's likely that you will make the same mistake again and future apologies, for anything, don't they will appear sincere.
Step 2. Be careful with the vocabulary used
Apologizing takes skill; Of course, we never want to ask someone's forgiveness and many times we will feel that we don't deserve it. So, if you want to apologize properly, be careful with the words you choose. A few sentences and words will sound like apologetics, but in fact they will only make the situation worse by showing that you are not being sincere. It's easy to use them unintentionally, so always be careful when writing your letter. Some examples are:
- "I made mistakes…"
- Statements with if: "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings" or "If you felt bad about this, I didn't mean to…"
- "Sorry if you interpreted it that way."
Step 3. Be sincere and honest
When apologizing, your words should come straight from the heart, expressing genuine feelings. If you can't do this, in some cases it's better to wait until you really regret what you did before writing the letter. When writing it, do not use too formal language and avoid clichés, let alone copy a letter found on the internet. The words should be specific to your situation so that the person receiving the apology knows that you really understand what happened and why it was a bad experience.
Step 4. Don't write about expectations and assumptions
The letter should not be rude, demanding or likely to create more problems. Try not to look like you want to blame others so you can be forgiven, and don't make assumptions either, saying you know how the individual is feeling or why he's angry, because in the end, you may just end up showing how you didn't understand nothing that happened. It's best to keep your tone humble, using the appropriate vocabulary, that makes the person in question feel like they're in control of the situation. This type of vocabulary is best suited to make the person forgive you.
Step 5. Wait a day or two before sending it out
If possible, "hold" the letter for a day or two so that you can read it better when the emotion of writing it has passed.
Method 3 of 3: Formatting the Letter
Step 1. Choose the best way to start the letter
In this case, the ideal is to start with "Dear….". Don't over-embellish the vocabulary at the beginning of the letter and give a greeting that is as basic as possible.
Step 2. Finish the letter elegantly
If you don't know how to complete it, stick to the basics; "Sincerely" or "Affectionately" are good choices. However, you can also try using something more creative if you want the letter to be a little less formal. Try using phrases like "I sincerely thank you for reading what I wrote" or "Again, I apologize for the trouble my actions have caused and I hope I can make it up to you."
Step 3. Make a more formal letter
If you are writing a letter in a professional and formal way, it should have a more elaborate content, in addition to printing and formatting it properly, adding date, name, company you work for, your signature (by hand) and many others formatting details associated with a formal message.
Use a more formal vocabulary to suit the situation if you wish
- Try to make it clear that it was your fault, not trying to focus on someone else. This shows responsibility and maturity.
- The letter should be brief and to the point, getting straight to the point and with you taking full responsibility.
- If you have difficulty writing the letter, ask a friend or relative for help. They will know what is expected of you and will be happy to help.
- When you apologize, you may need to swallow your pride. It gets you nowhere, as good relationships are often priceless.
- Your letter should not be too short. Two or three sentences won't do you any good in this case, but it's not necessary to go too long either.