A sibling can be a great friend for a lifetime, but conflict is common from time to time. Deal with the problem calmly and rationally so as not to make things worse. Learn how to get your brother to stop bothering you and thereby improve and strengthen your relationship.
Part 1 of 4: Lowering the Tensions Between You and Your Brother
Step 1. Ignore your brother instead of responding in the same tone
If you can't handle it, pretend it doesn't exist for a while. The strategy is only valid for short periods and serves so you don't get angry and don't make the situation worse.
- Being quiet is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes good self-control and strength over yourself to resist provocations.
- Know when to fight over something and when to let it go. You can't start a conflict every time your brother bothers you, especially if he acts that way often.
- By not reacting the way he wants, that is, getting angry, he ends up getting tired and gives up trying to get him mad.
Step 2. Stay calm
It's normal to be tempted to pay for annoyance in kind, but that kind of reaction only makes a bad situation worse. Any time you start to get angry or want to say harsh words or do the same thing as he does, remember that the best way to solve the problem is to remain calm.
- Inhale deeply and exhale slowly. Just focus on breathing to calm yourself down.
- Count to ten before reacting. Breathe in and out during this time and think of a way to express yourself calmly and rationally.
- Take a light walk or move away from the site for a few minutes if you need more time to collect yourself. Let me know that you will be back and that you are leaving to better reflect on what you want to say.
Step 3. Make a deal with your brother
Whenever you can negotiate a solution that is good for both of you, propose it. Sometimes you have to compromise a little or even prioritize his needs. It's a good way to reverse the situation and avoid new conflicts.
- Ask your brother directly what he wants from you.
- Show him that you listen to him and try to rephrase the sentences he says. Say something like this: I know where you are going. You are feeling ____ when I ____.
- Look for a solution that works for both of you. Exchange ideas to reach a consensus and stick to the agreement.
- Understand that no one gets everything they want all the time. So the goal should be to find a solution that satisfies both equally, even if it's not ideal.
Step 4. Give him positive attention
It is common for a sibling to annoy the other simply because he is bored. Maybe it's your case or he needs your presence more. Don't fight with him or pay him back, but propose to do something fun and productive with your little brother.
- By doing something nice with him, your brother must stop bothering him and you will be closer than ever.
- Call him for a walk or ride his bike. If they are very young, don't forget to ask their parents for permission. Another possibility is to do some activity inside the house, such as watching a movie, putting together a puzzle or playing video games (which can lead to other fights).
Step 5. Don't take name-calling or annoyances personally
It's very hard not to be offended in some cases, but in the end, he's your brother and he likes you. Say you were angry and look for a solution.
- Keep in mind that your brother probably doesn't mean to hurt you. Sometimes people, especially younger ones, lose track of the effect of their attitudes.
- He should forget about all the bad things he said in less than an hour, so don't dwell on your feelings.
- When you let your brother irritate you, it gives you the image that he has control over you and continues to do so.
Part 2 of 4: Dealing with Envy
Step 1. Check whether envy is the cause of the behavior
If your brother is jealous of some aspect of your life, he may express frustration with a bad attitude. In this way, talk to him about it, showing that the feeling damages your relationship and hurts him.
- Remember your situation and the times your brother has bothered you. Is he jealous of your grades, material possessions or lifestyle?
- He probably has an unconscious need to express his frustrations.
- On the other hand, if your brother is jealous because you spend too much time with someone else or doing something, the best thing to do is make more time for him. Just be sure to create limits and ask your little brother to respect them.
Step 2. Find a way to make him happy
It's likely that all the problems have to do with your spending so little time with your brother. Find a way for him to feel better about himself to lessen or end negative feelings.
- Even if you can't help your brother get what he wants, it's possible to make him happier. That way you put a brake on his attitude, even if it's only temporarily.
- Recognize the good things your brother does. If he's jealous because you play on the football team, show him he's good at school or another sport.
Step 3. Motivate your brother
Help him get what he wants to stop feeling jealous of you and change his attitude. It's not always an easy task, but it works sometimes. Also, when he sees your willingness to help him, he should be less resentful towards you.
- If he's jealous of your high grades, give him a hand.
- The reason is your performance in sports? Train with him and help him develop the necessary skills.
- Is he jealous of the fact that you have a girlfriend and he doesn't? Try to arrange a date for your little brother.
- No matter the reason, show him he can have what he wants. By helping him with his goals, your brother makes a greater effort to change the situation.
Part 3 of 4: Asking Parents for Help
Step 1. Check if your sibling's attitude needs parental intervention
It's normal for siblings to accumulate a lot of fights when they grow up together. But there are cases that go beyond the acceptable boundary and become bullying or progress to a very serious act. Thus, it is better to rely on the support of parents to mediate the conflict and take necessary action.
- Teasing with your brother from time to time is normal. However, if he is tormenting all the time and for several days or weeks, it could be a case of bullying.
- Does your brother not apologize or try to make up after the fight or is he still aggressive all the time? It's a clear sign of bullying.
- When a sibling has an advantage, such as being older, older or more popular at school, the situation can escalate into bullying.
- Do you think you are suffering from his aggression? Talk to parents right away.
Step 2. Ask the parents to mediate the conversation
Is the situation out of control and you haven't been able to make a deal? Maybe it's good to have parental intervention. This way you can express thoughts and feelings safely and in the presence of someone who is not directly involved with the subject. If there are conflicts, the parents will find a way to keep the peace or take action.
- Tell your parents to talk to both of them individually and then all together.
- Encourage them to look for a solution that makes everyone happy. The ideal is to arrive at a situation that is good for you and your brother.
- If you can't reach an agreement with your brother, your parents' final word must resolve the conflict.
Step 3. Ask your parents to enforce rules
Don't they know about your brother's aggressive, uncomfortable, and troublesome attitudes? Report them. Tell them to be fair and apply the same rules to both and oversee compliance so there is peace.
- Perhaps the parents are not aware of the situation or the seriousness.
- It's easy to miss something because of work and distractions. So show your parents what's going on when you can't work it out yourself.
Step 4. Plan a family activity that brings everyone together
Maybe it doesn't stop your brother from pissing off, but it strengthens the bonds. It is also an important respite from the tensions that have developed at home.
- Sometimes going out with your little brother and sharing a nice experience helps to bring them together.
- At the very least, it will serve to make your brother forget about the problematic behavior.
- Use family time to understand what makes everyone happy and try to incorporate those things into your everyday life.
Part 4 of 4: Creating Boundaries Between You and Your Brother
Step 1. Spend more time away from each other
It's really bad being around your brother when he's pissing off. Do your parents ask you to take care of the little brother or to go out with him? Ask to spend more time alone or with friends without your brother.
- One of the causes of fights between siblings who are always together is an increased sense of independence and individuality.
- Show your parents that you value their time together, but that you really need a time to yourself or to talk with friends.
- Tell him you will stay close to your brother anyway. In fact, the time will be shorter, but the quality will be higher.
Step 2. Avoid babysitting your brother
Depending on your age and conditions, your parents may often ask you to look after your little brother, which can prevent you from having your own space. Talk to your parents to find alternatives.
- Indicate hiring a nanny. If your parents don't like the idea, ask for something in exchange for your work, such as compensation or special permission.
- Offer to babysit your brother once or twice a week if you can be alone for the weekend or go out with friends.
- It's best to talk only with your parents and without your sibling's presence so you don't hurt his feelings or have to listen to objections. Younger children don't usually understand easily why someone older has more responsibilities and freedoms.
Step 3. Ask them to respect your privacy when bringing someone home, such as a friend or girlfriend
It's really bad when the brother is bothering a guest.
- Tell your brother to stop. If he doesn't listen, call his parents.
- Invite friends over to your house when little brother has gone out or is busy with his own colleagues.
- If your sibling doesn't stop or the parents don't intervene, lock the door to preserve your privacy and tranquility.
- Talk to your parents before you lock the door so they don't get angry or suspect you're doing something wrong.
Step 4. Ask your parents for a room of your own
Sharing a room can be really cool when the two people get along. However, when this is not the case or you need your own space, it is important that everyone has their own room. If there is no other room, look into the possibility of installing a screen.
- Depending on financial conditions, it may not be possible to have a separate bedroom. In that case, look for other ways to solve the problem.
- Doesn't it have a room that is used only to store boxes and little-used objects? Talk to your parents about the possibility of turning it into a bedroom.
- When you ask the parents, talk about the privacy issue. It's unlikely they'll try to give you a room because of just one fight.
- Say something like, "I know we don't have a lot of space here, but I'm older now and it would be really nice if I could have a room all to myself, because I need more privacy."
- Are your parents thinking about moving? Talk about the importance of having a room for each child. So they can take this aspect into account.
- Give him something to occupy him and not be bothering him.
- Do not fight. What he wants is to make him mad, so why give him that taste? If it's difficult to control yourself, take a deep breath and say that you want to spend some time alone.
- Do his favorite activity and after he's finished ask him to spend some time alone. Maybe you can get some space.
- Try to be nice to your little brother. Remind him that you are part of the family and that you can support him if he ever gets into trouble.
- Tell your brother that he wouldn't want to be treated the same way he treats you. Maybe he doesn't realize that his attitude is very bad.
- Be mature and show how to behave in the right way. It is not to teach a lesson, but simply to act correctly and be a good example.
- If nothing works, just ignore it. He will be bored and should stop bothering him.
- Arouse in him some of the interests you have. So you can create a stronger bond.
- Show that you support him. When he attends an important event, come and cheer for him!
- Whenever he irritates you, remember that envy or jealousy must be the cause.
- Don't go down to his level. Tell an adult everything. If your brother is lying and says he didn't try to hurt you, take a photo or video next time for proof.
- Give him a fun task to do and stop bothering him.
- Don't swear so you don't have problems with your parents.
- If your brother starts touching you and physically fighting, tell him to stop right away and see your parents. Fighting back only creates resentment and anger.
- If he starts hitting you, call your parents. Don't get involved in the fight, because both will end up being punished.
- Don't imitate bad behavior. Did he call you names? Call your parents and get out.
- Do not curse or hit your brother.
- If you are being assaulted and no one can or wants to help you, go to the police.