The loss of a family member is probably one of the most difficult emotional experiences we need to go through. The death of a brother or sister is accompanied by unique thoughts and feelings, and it can be a complicated and confusing situation, whatever your age. What is the best way to deal with an event like this?
Step 1. Accept that there is no right or wrong way to handle this
You may feel insensitive or disbelieving at various times, and even that you should feel sadder even though you can't. At other times, the urge may be to scream and scream, run away and be isolated, disappear. These are all normal sensations and there is no problem experiencing them. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way.
Step 2. Keep talking about how you are feeling as much as you can
It may not always be easy to put into words what is going on inside you, but try to explain it to others. Close friends and family will always want to help you as much as possible, but they won't always know how, so by telling them how you are feeling and how you need them to act around you, you will help them find the best way to help you. support.
Step 3. Know that you may also need some time alone
While it's good to keep talking to others as much as possible, you may also need to find a time when you can be alone to process your own thoughts and feelings. This behavior is perfectly normal. Sometimes you may find that when you go to a certain place, your thoughts are rearranged - it could be a place that was special to your sister, the place where they rest, a quiet park or even your own room. Another activity that can help you is to write down everything you are thinking and feeling, if it helps you organize your mind better.
Step 4. Create memories or objects to celebrate and remember your sister
This might include making arrangements for the person's funeral, helping to choose songs or texts to read (sometimes even you want to read something yourself). You may not feel comfortable contributing too much to the ceremony, and it may only be after the memories related to it stop being too painful. There are several ideas related to items you can create to keep her memory alive; scrapbooks, boxes of individual objects, photo albums, poetry, music she liked and more. The more personal they are, the better they will be for you when you want to spend time reminiscing about your sister and all the happy times you spent together. It might also be nice to take the time to do projects with other members of your family, helping you to deal with this - they can be tasks that are unrelated to your brother or sister, but that can occupy and distract you while you are in an environment surrounded by others. people who know what they're going through.
Step 5. Remember that you are not the only person in mourning and other people's actions will also be influenced by this
Other siblings, relatives, cousins, grandparents, friends and uncles will also be touched by your sister's death in different ways. Don't forget this detail and treat their desires and emotions with the same respect you would like to be treated. In many cases, other individuals will ask you how your parents are coping with this loss, which may seem a little disrespectful and offensive as it gives the impression that people are ignoring your feelings. However, they are just trying to help and may not be comfortable asking you directly how you are doing. But remember that your emotions and your ways of dealing and mourning the person's death are just as valid as those of others.
Step 6. Look for a support group or other professional help
This is an impactful event in your life and there is no shame in seeking outside help. Many support and support groups exist because many people find comfort in talking to individuals outside the family and friendship circle. From group meetings to private sessions, specialized telephone numbers and internet forums on the subject, there is no shortage of places to go if you feel like it. Your doctor will be able to guide you in the best direction.
Step 7. Specifically ask them not to feel sorry
Friendly looks from time to time are nice, but most people who've been through such a tragedy don't appreciate the pity as much of the population thinks. If you clear this up right away, people will avoid doing something you don't like, especially in this time of suffering.
Step 8. Whenever you talk to someone, don't act abnormally or bring up the subject
This results in pity on the part of the other person, which is undoubtedly undesirable.
Step 9. Grieve, but not too much
This also includes not wallowing in your self-pity.
Step 10. If someone gives you a gift that reminds you of your deceased sister/brother, don't throw it away
Keep it for later, when the pain has passed a little longer, you will want to remind the person, and a gift that brings you memories of them will be a perfect thing to see right now.
Step 11. Create your own "memory"
Photo albums and clippings, dedication sites and many other options are great to keep that dear person constantly in your heart.
- Don't be afraid to cry.
- Know that you will never get over the person's death, as you will probably always want to remember them, feeling sad that they are gone. However, over time, you will find a sure way to keep it in your memories, but you will also move forward. Happy days will come again.
- Talk to the person you lost as if they were in the room with you. Tell how you feel and how you are facing your death. It's a way of saying everything you didn't have the chance to say before her death.
- People want to help you; ask for assistance if you need it.
- There are many websites that offer advice and support. They can be about grief in general, specific sibling support addresses or even specifically for the cause of your brother/sister's death.
- Beware of things that remind you of the person. In the first days, you need to be "alone", without objects, music, photos, in short, anything that brings back memories of your brother/sister. So, after a while, when you start to miss him/her, dig up that old photo album you never looked at and start flipping through.
- Try to get on with your life. There's not much to say about it - it's self-explanatory. You need to stop hiding in the shadows of grief and show the world that you can handle death!
- Surround yourself with close people and support each other as much as you can.
- Try not to put more pressure on yourself as this event is traumatic, devastating and exhausting. It's okay to cry and feel the pain, but remembering the good times will also help you a lot.
- Find ways to share the person's memories and celebrate their life.