Sibling fights are inevitable, frustrating as that is. If you want to stop fighting, there are some strategies to implement before, during and after the problem. With a little effort, you'll get along well!
Method 1 of 3: Preventing Fights
Step 1. Put yourself in the other person's shoes when you are frustrated
Before fighting, think about why your brother is in a bad mood. Ask yourself if you did anything to annoy him. Perhaps the irritation is not about you; understanding your siblings' thoughts can avoid an argument.
Step 2. Talk about what's bothering you
Sit down to discuss the matter with your brother so that he understands you. Keep your voice calm and listen carefully to what the other has to say. It's important that both of you open up.
- When your sister says something, pay attention to her, taking the focus off the TV or cell phone. It's important that she feels you care.
- Avoid touching on subjects that will start fights, such as grading or romantic relationship issues.
Step 3. Create a system to prevent the reoccurrence of fights
Show your brother that you love him, and after talking about what bothers him, come up with a plan to reduce your arguments. Think about healthy solutions and choose the best option.
- Perhaps the ideal system is to take turns to choose the TV program to watch. If necessary, write a "contract".
- If your brother monopolizes the bathroom in the morning, ask if he can shower at night so you can get ready for school in the morning. If he doesn't agree, shower at night or wake you up early.
Step 4. Stop and relax so the fight doesn't get worse
Take it easy during an argument by taking a deep breath and counting to ten. When you start to get defensive, chances are your brother will do the same. Take time to relax and resume the conversation later.
- Pause for as long as necessary.
- If necessary, set aside a break period and give each other space. Think about your emotions individually, without taking it out on each other.
- If you have trouble relaxing, try listening to music or going for a walk. By getting distracted, you will be able to resume the conversation more calmly.
- If you want to do something kind for the other to calm them down, talk in a neutral setting in the presence of your pet. Believe me, the animal's influence will relax them both.
Step 5. Ignore rude comments to avoid a fight
Siblings often argue, this is normal. If he says something too heavy, try to ignore it and let it go. By adding more wood to the fire, you will only make things worse.
- Instead of hitting in the same coin, don't say anything.
- If your brother teases you, just ignore him.
- If ignoring doesn't help, gently ask the other person to stop doing what they're doing.
Method 2 of 3: Looking for a Resolution
Step 1. Apologize
The ideal is to apologize during the fight, but this is not always possible. Instead of fighting and arguing, take responsibility for your behavior and apologize for what you did. Even if it's not wrong, you can apologize to calm things down.
- You will feel better after the apology.
- Remember, your goal is not to win the argument, but to get along with your brother.
- Say something like "Look Carlos, I don't want to fight. I'm sorry I pissed you off" or "I'm sorry for the things I've done."
Step 2. Talk about your feelings in the first person
Find out what's bothering you and tell your brother how you're feeling. Always start by saying "I" to open up and avoid further arguments. You are not the owner of reason; accept this.
- You can say something like "Célia, I was really hurt when we fought because I borrowed your shirt. I asked for it before I took it."
- Another option would be to say "I feel kind of angry when you make fun of me even after I ask you to stop".
Step 3. Think back to the past and look for repetitive patterns
Analyze your latest fights: are they similar? Are there any common feelings or themes? Think about how you've handled problems in the past to get an idea of why you're fighting today.
- Think back to the last time you fought your brother over the TV control. Why does this keep happening? Is it because you can't agree on what to watch or because you always want to be right?
- Maybe you keep fighting because you think you're right; in this case, it is still possible to prevent the fight from continuing indefinitely, just prevent it from even starting.
Step 4. Agree together in the future
Talk about how to stop fights from happening, whether it's telling a joke or leaving the other person alone. Find what works for both of you and get your hands dirty.
Are you irritated by your brother's teasing? This will make you defensive right away. Ask him to stop teasing and do your part, not expecting him to be mean. Now the two of you will be able to have fun together
Step 5. Ask your parents for help
If the fights don't stop or you can't reach an agreement, it's time to involve the adults. They will be able to offer the voice of reason and solve the problem of your discussions.
Say something like "Mom, Carlos keeps changing the channel when I'm watching cartoons. I've politely asked him to stop, but he doesn't. Can you help me?"
Method 3 of 3: Maintaining the Relationship
Step 1. Respect your siblings' personal space and privacy
As much as they are from the same family, they don't need to know everything about each other's personal lives. Respect your siblings' bedroom, cell phone and diary.
- By demonstrating that you remember their personal space, you will demonstrate that you love and respect them.
- Don't read their journal and don't go through their stuff.
Step 2. Express your feelings in a healthy way
When you feel nervous or irritable, the chances of starting a fight are greatly increased. Deal with your emotions in a healthy way, without taking it out on others.
- Vent to a friend or a parent when you are stressed. That way you will relax and not fight with your brothers.
- Instead of yelling at your brother in a fit of rage, write a letter. It's a safe place to voice your true feelings without hurting the other person. Once you've put everything you're thinking about on paper, you'll be able to discuss what you're feeling more calmly.
Step 3. Do something kind to show that you care about your brother
It's easy to forget the friendship you have if you're fighting all the time. Show your brother that you value him by doing something nice without asking for something in return.
For example, buy him an ice cream when he's out on the street. Another option would be to ask him to play video games with you
Step 4. Spend time together whenever possible
It doesn't matter if you share a room with your brother or if you live on opposite sides of the country, it's important to spend time together. Instead of fighting, try to have fun to strengthen the relationship.
Do an activity that pleases both of you, whether it's playing soccer in the street or watching the latest superhero movie at the cinema
Step 5. Build trust by keeping your word
If you say you're going to stop teasing your brother, do it. Always keep your promises and you will earn his trust. This is very important for maintaining a healthy, fight-free relationship.
- If they agree that fights start because you're too bossy, try letting the other person make the decisions once in a while.
- If your sister doesn't trust you because of hand games and wrestling, avoid them.
- Be nice to your siblings, even if they don't do the same to you.
- Praise your siblings for building trust between you.
- Remember that everyone reacts to situations in their own way. Talking without thinking can hurt the other person.
- If you accidentally say something mean, apologize immediately.
- If you're not getting along with your brother, talk to your mom or dad.
- Solve the problem with words, not violence. Talk calmly, without hurting the other person.
- Don't gossip, or you will lose your brother's trust.