How to Know if the Relationship is Over: 14 Steps

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How to Know if the Relationship is Over: 14 Steps
How to Know if the Relationship is Over: 14 Steps

Video: How to Know if the Relationship is Over: 14 Steps

Video: How to Know if the Relationship is Over: 14 Steps
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You've realized that your relationship isn't what it used to be. The same person who caused the feeling of "butterflies in the stomach" now only causes nervousness. It is important to bring an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship to an end, however difficult it is to admit that it is over. You may think this is all just a bad time - and maybe it really is - but certain points signal that the end of the relationship is inevitable.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Reflect on communication between both parties

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 1
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 1

Step 1. Record how often you and your partner fight

Fights can be a healthy and productive way to communicate and resolve conflicts, but when they are incessant and take up most of the couple's time, they are a sign that the relationship is nearing an end.

  • Fighting over irrelevant issues can be a way to get attention or take out anger, and it also signals some dysfunction.
  • Ending fights with anger, resentment, bitterness, and an unwillingness to reconcile also indicate relationship failure.
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 2
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 2

Step 2. Notice how often you talk about your feelings

Communicating your needs and feelings and, in turn, understanding your partner's is the foundation of a healthy relationship. If you find that your partner is oblivious to your feelings or vice versa, the relationship is likely to be sinking.

  • Miscommunication starts with something simple. For example, when one of the parties loses the desire to ask how the other's day was. Little by little, this can evolve into total disregard for the other's feelings.
  • If you find yourself not paying attention to what your partner says or vice versa, communication between you is not efficient (which can lead to a lot of problems).
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 3
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 3

Step 3. Watch how you discuss the future

Refusing to make plans is just an avoidance of the fact that you have no intention of continuing with your partner. It also assumes that the future you envision doesn't include you, a sign that maybe it's time to end.

  • If you've never talked about marriage or kids, start thinking about the possibility that your current partner isn't the right person for you.
  • If you've already stopped planning vacation trips or New Year's Eve parties, or if you've avoided confirming attendance at a wedding party because you weren't sure the relationship would last until then, maybe it's time to break up.
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 4
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 4

Step 4. Consider the level of verbal affection between you and your partner

Communicating with affection is the basis for the relationship to be sustained and flourish. The absence of verbal expressions of love can indicate that a party is unwilling or unable to think of anything nice to say. The lack of tenderness in the words is a strong indication that the relationship is about to end.

The absence of compliments, love notes and messages, and saying "I love her" out loud indicate that the relationship is in trouble

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 5
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 5

Step 5. Notice how you talk about your partner to other people

Those involved in healthy relationships are excited to praise their partner's attributes and achievements. If you talk about your partner's negatives to your friends, your relationship may be frayed, as this is a sign of loss of respect and perhaps other more serious issues.

There's a difference between reporting transient problems in your relationship to your friends and saying you're unhappy, sick. If you find yourself complaining about your relationship frequently, maybe it's time to break up

Part 2 of 3: Reflect on your thoughts and feelings about your partner

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 6
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 6

Step 1. Understand the level of enthusiasm your partner arouses

In the early days of dating, your partner made you feel butterflies in your stomach; now his presence barely evokes any emotion. If you feel bored with your partner (or if just the thought of meeting them is enough to make you bored), maybe your heart isn't as involved in the relationship anymore.

No relationship is always exciting, but it's natural to feel some excitement before special occasions (home shows, get-togethers, etc.)

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 7
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 7

Step 2. Assess your sexual attraction to your partner

Physical attraction is just as important to men as it is to women, especially during the first seven years of a relationship. Most of the time, physical attraction is what drives the couple to get together. If you currently ignore or feel repulsed by your partner, your relationship is unlikely to last long.

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 8
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 8

Step 3. Imagine the future without your partner

List your dreams and expectations for the future. Is your partner part of any of them? To imagine that the future would be easier (and even more desirable) without your partner is a sign that your relationship may collapse.

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 9
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 9

Step 4. Find out if you still have common interests and goals

As much as you shared goals, beliefs and interests at the beginning, this may have changed. As the relationship progresses, so does each of its parts - and in the process, the ideals and goals of each may drift apart. Assess whether you and your partner are still in tune and still have common goals.

  • When conversations are always trivial or irritating, or when it is impossible to reconcile goals and beliefs, it is impossible for the couple to establish a common goal.
  • Having goals and interests apart from your spouse is perfectly healthy. The problem starts when each other's values and beliefs start to diverge and the couple loses what they had in common.

Part 3 of 3: Assess the Context of Your Relationship

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 10
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 10

Step 1. Assess the frequency and intensity of your sex life

Prolonged "droughts" and lack of interest in sex suggest the presence of greater problems in the relationship.

  • Try to remember the last time you guys had sex. Did you feel like you were just fulfilling an obligation? Did you get pleasure or satisfaction? If sexual intercourse has ceased to be spontaneous and has become an imposition or occurs very sparsely, it is unlikely that the relationship will persevere.
  • See a doctor. In women, decreased sexual drive can result from hormonal imbalances (which mainly happen during pregnancy and menopause); in men, it may be due to low levels of testosterone.
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 11
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 11

Step 2. Assess the loyalty between the two parties

Infidelity can destroy a relationship because it erodes the trust and loyalty both parties have worked hard to forge. It is possible to survive infidelity, but when it becomes routine for one or both parties, it is time to end the relationship.

  • Unless you have agreed to keep an open relationship, infidelity is a difficult hurdle to overcome. When one or both members of a couple become unfaithful to the point where it becomes expected or acceptable, the relationship is unlikely to survive.
  • Flirting is a form of infidelity, depending on the intentions of those who practice it. When you flirt with another person for affection or because you imagine yourself having an affair with them, you are emotionally betraying your partner, and you need to know why.
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 12
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 12

Step 3. Identify what your partner adds to your life

Just as we must surround ourselves with positive people and choose friends wisely, we must invest in relationships that bring something good to our lives. If your relationship seems like an obstacle or a burden and doesn't do you any good, it's a good idea to think about separation.

Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 13
Know if the Relationship Is Over Step 13

Step 4. Find out if your friends and family like to get along with you and your partner

Your friends and family know you well and wish you the best. Most of the time, living with them has a positive effect on the relationship, as they offer support in difficult times. If they avoid being around when you and your partner are together, maybe the relationship won't last.

It is normal for family and friends to withdraw when they feel that their partner is not living up to their expectations. Animosity is another reason that might explain the alienation. However, it is important to distinguish silly feuds from genuine disgust, from a total lack of interest in getting close to your partner

Step 5. Take into account everything you participate in together

While it's important to maintain some independence, the fact that the lives of spouses don't overlap in any area signals a problem. If you always go out with your friends without your partner, if you're out of touch with his or her routine, or if you never include him in your weekend plans, the relationship may be about to end.

Tips

If you want to stick with the relationship despite having some of the above problems, you can! It may be necessary to seek couples counseling or therapy, but as long as you both want to improve the relationship, it is perfectly possible to get through difficult times

Notices

  • If you can't end the relationship out of pity for your partner or because you imagine he's never going to meet someone else, you're just prolonging the pain. It's impossible to predict other people's futures, and you cannot be responsible for how your partner will handle life after you break up.
  • All of the topics listed above point to some dysfunctionality in the relationship. If neither party expresses interest in overcoming these problems, the healthiest option is to dissolve it as soon as possible.
  • After realizing that there is no reason to continue in the relationship, try to end it immediately. While separation is painful, the sooner a difficult relationship ends, the sooner its parts can regain their peace and move on.

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