Nobody said being a good parent was easy. No matter how old your child is, or how many children you have, you have to know that a parent's job is never done. To be a good parent, you have to be there; be a good tutor and role model and be sympathetic to your child's needs without letting yourself be controlled. If you want to know how to be a good parent, just follow these Steps.
Part 1 of 4: Be there
Step 1. Make time for your kids
Your kids don't care if you've just had a big promotion at your company, or if you have the most expensive house on the block. The only thing he cares about is whether you're going to be at dinner, whether you're playing with him before he goes to bed. If you want to be a good parent, then you have to make time for your kids - or at least every other week - no matter how busy you are.
- Add this time to your schedule. Perhaps the best nights for your kids are Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Use this time to take care of your children and don't let other commitments get in the way.
- If you have more than one child, then you should set aside time for each child separately: that way, your relationships will develop.
- If you're so tired that you can't get up to play soccer with your child, do something else, like watch a soccer game or a movie. It's important that you are with him.
Step 2. Be present during the big moments
While planning "Daddy time" for your kids each week is a great way to strengthen your relationship, you should also try to be present at the important moments in their lives. Organize your work schedule so you can be present on your child's first day of school, your daughter's first ballet recital, or your son's or daughter's high school graduation.
- Your child will remember this moment for the rest of his life, and having you with him will mean a lot.
- You can be very busy when one of your kids is about to have an important moment, but if you miss that moment, you'll regret it later.
Step 3. Teach your child the important lessons
You should also be there to teach your child how to complete life's basic tasks. You can teach your child how to use the toilet, teach your child to brush their teeth properly, help them ride a bike, and teach them how to drive when the time is right. You can also teach your male child to shave and to have good personal hygiene. Your children will also need you to teach them the great lessons of life as well as the smaller daily activities.
- Share the lessons with your wife. Both of you should teach your children the important things they need to know in order to grow.
- Help your kids learn from mistakes. If they did something wrong you should help them see why and talk about how to avoid this behavior in the future rather than just punishing them and moving on.
Step 4. Build solid communication
Being there for the big moments in your child's life is very important, but it's also important to communicate with them when you are there. You don't always have to do something exciting with your kids to get them to enjoy being with you - you just need to focus on being able to communicate with them and understand their concerns and struggles.
- Talk to your kids every day to let you know what their concerns are, what the week's events are, and what they're thinking about.
- Don't superficially just ask "How was your day?" without really wanting to know the answer.
- If your kids are busy teenagers or college students, then they may not want to discuss the details of their daily lives with you. Ask just enough to let them know you care, but don't smother them.
Step 5. Plan to travel with your children
To be a good father you must take time to travel with your children - with or without their mother. You can take an annual fishing trip with your kids, take your daughter to the beach, or even take an unforgettable camping trip. Whatever you do, try to make it special, memorable, and something that you can repeat at least once a year so that you've created a fun routine for yourself and your kids.
- If the boys' mother is present during the trip, make time to be alone with them when you can.
- Planning these trips a few months in advance will give your kids something fun and different to look forward to.
Step 6. Make time for yourself
While it's important to be there for your kids, you should try to make time for yourself when you can, whether it's spending Sunday afternoon doing what you love, taking half an hour to run every morning, or even reading a book every night. before bed to slow down. You should put your children's needs first most of the time, but you shouldn't neglect yourself, either.
- If you don't make time for yourself, you can't relax, recharge, and give your kids the time and attention they deserve.
- You may have a special room or chair in the house where your children know you are not to be disturbed. Help them become familiar with the idea of "alone time" and explain to them that you're going to do what you love for a moment - unless they really need you.
Part 2 of 4: Be a fair disciplinarian
Step 1. Reward your children appropriately
Being a disciplinarian is not just about punishing your children for making a mistake. It's also about rewarding them when they do something good, so they feel encouraged and want to repeat that behavior. Whether your child has scored several 10's in a row, or has helped a younger sibling with a difficult task, or has been mature enough to avoid a fight, you should tell him how proud you are, take him to your favorite restaurant, or just do what you can to let your child know how much you appreciate his or her good behavior.
- When your child is younger, rewarding him with affection can go a long way in helping him see how proud you are.
- While giving your child a treat, or new toy when he has behaved well, can occasionally reinforce good behavior, you should not always give toys or treats as the only incentive your child has to do right. He must be motivated by what you taught him to discern right from wrong.
- Don't reward your child for doing something that is expected of him, such as doing daily chores around the house or cleaning up his own mess. If you do, then he will feel like he's doing you a favor.
Step 2. Punish your child appropriately
To be a fair disciplinarian, you will have to penalize your child when he has made a mistake. This doesn't mean that you need to be physically or psychologically cruel - it just means that you must tell him that he has made a mistake and must show him that there are consequences to his actions. Once your child is old enough to understand, he should know when he's made a mistake.
You and your wife must agree on the punishment chosen for your child. The consequences should be the same whether dad and or mom saw the action. This will help you to avoid being deceived by your child
Step 3. Be consistent
Being consistent is just as important as having a system of punishments and rewards. If your child is misbehaving, the consequences should be the same every time, even if it's inconvenient, or if you're tired, or in public. And if your child does something wonderful, don't forget to make them feel special, no matter how tired or stressed you are.
If you don't act consistently, then your child will know when your reactions can be influenced by your mood
Step 4. Don't scream
While you may be feeling enraged by your child's behavior, yelling is not the solution. If you need to scream, try screaming when you're alone, when you're in the shower, or try screaming into a pillow. But don't yell at your child, no matter how much you feel like it. You can raise your voice slightly to let him know he's made a mistake, but if you scream, he'll be scared of you and won't want to communicate.
Although it's difficult you shouldn't let your child see you lose control
Step 5. Don't be violent
No matter how angry you are, you should avoid hitting, hurting, or holding your child. It will hurt you physically and emotionally. So he will avoid you at all costs.
Step 6. It is better to be loved than feared
Of course, it's important for your child to know that you will punish him for his actions and that wrong decisions will have consequences at home and in society, but your home is not a barracks and he shouldn't see it that way. To be a good parent is to draw an appropriate line of behavior combined with fair punishment for wrongdoing. Of course, it's important for your child to know what he's done wrong. If he learns nothing from the mistake, what is the use of punishment? Be sensitive.
- If you make your child fear you, then he may not be comfortable enough to open up to you.
- Still, if you don't set boundaries, your child can grow up to be a problem for others, for you, and for himself.
Part 3 of 4: Be a good example
Step 1. Lead by example
If you want to teach by example, then your motto should be "Do as I say and as I do" so your child knows that you are not being a hypocrite when you teach him the difference between right and wrong. If you want your child to act in a way that meets your expectations, then he or she should look at your positive behavior first. Here are some ways you can teach by example:
- If you don't want your child to smoke or drink excessively, for example, then you shouldn't do these things in front of them - or at all.
- If you want your child to treat people with kindness and respect, then he has to see you treating people, from the waiter to the telemarketer, with the basics of respect.
- If you don't want your child to pick a fight, then don't pick a fight with his mother in front of him.
Step 2. Treat your child's mother with respect
If you want to be a good role model then you have to treat the mother of your children with respect. If you are married to her, then you should let your children see how much you love, help and enjoy her company. If you're mean to your own wife, then your kids will see that it's okay to be mean to their mother, or to other people, because their father does.
- Part of treating the mother of my children with respect means sharing daily activities such as taking care of the children and the home.
- Let your child see you praising his mother and giving her the love and affection she deserves.
- You should not only treat the mother of your children with respect, but love her and work to maintain a loving, fun, and caring relationship. If the mother of your children is happy, then everyone is happy.
- If you and the mother of your children are divorced, then you should never speak ill of her to them, even if you are not in such a good relationship.
Step 3. Admit your mistakes
You don't have to be perfect to be a good role model. In fact, you better not be perfect because then your kids will see that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. If you've made a mistake, such as forgetting to pick up your child from school on time, or have lost your mind, you should apologize and say that you know you made a mistake.
- If you can swallow your pride in front of your kids, then they'll see that it's okay to admit when they've done something wrong too.
- Admitting when you're wrong gives more character than "doing the right thing" every time.
Step 4. Help with household chores
If you want your children to help with the activities around the house, you should also help with the housework, no matter how much your work consumes your time. Let your kids see you washing the dishes, cleaning the counters and vacuuming the carpet and they'll want to help too. If they think cleaning is a "Mommy's job" then they are less likely to help when the time comes.
Helping with the housework will not only make your wife happy, it will help your children to see that you and your wife work together as a team and that they should be a part of it
Step 5. Earn your children's respect
Respect is earned, not given, and you should do what you can to make your children respect you as a parent. If you're not around very much, yell at their mother, or are never very willing to teach them, then they won't respect you just because you're their father. You must act admirably, honestly, and consistently so that your children see that you are a role model and that you are a person they are worth admiring.
Your kids shouldn't adore you and think you're perfect - they should see that you're just human and that you want to do the right thing with them
Step 6. Cover your children with love and affection
While you might think that being a good role model means being a little distant but always doing the right thing, it actually means being connected enough to give your kids kisses and hugs and let them know how much they mean to you. Don't go a day without saying "I love you" or giving your kids affection and tell them how much they mean to you.
- Your children will love you, no matter how old they are.
- Praise your kids and tell them your life wouldn't be the same without them.
Part 4 of 4: Be understanding
Step 1. Accept that your children are not you
While you might want your kids to run the family business, go to the same college as you, or be football stars like you were, you have to accept the fact that your kids are different people, with their needs and desires and that these things may not match yours. You may think your path is the only path to happiness, but to be a good parent, you have to accept that your children may have a different idea of how to live life.
- While you may feel that you are doing your best to tell your children what to do, or how to live their lives, in reality you are just interfering with their independence, trying to control them.
- It takes time to accept your children's wishes. If you don't immediately understand why your child wants to be an artist when you are a doctor, ask him to explain it to you and take the time to listen and understand.
- If you try to control your kids too much, they will get angry and stop opening up to you.
- Let your children make their own decisions by letting them be independent and open-minded. Enroll them in activities they show interest in, not ones you like.
Step 2. Be aware of changing times
To be a good parent, you have to understand that your kids aren't growing up in the same environment you grew up in - even if you're taking care of them at the same time. With globalization, the influence of social media and changing politics in today's society, it is likely that your children are less protected than you are, and are more aware of the problems and changes of modern society.
- So be aware that things like body piercing, premarital sex and traveling around the world are more common today than they were in your time. Accept that your children are a product of time and that they may want to explore the world more than you ever wanted to.
- You may feel like you know exactly how the world is supposed to work, but you must let your kids express themselves and share their perspectives with you.
Step 3. Accept your children's mistakes
If you want to be an understanding parent, you have to accept that, like you, your children are not perfect, and that they are prone to mistakes. Life is full of mistakes that can help your kids learn and you must accept that many lessons are needed - whether your child is involved in a minor car accident, doesn't pass an exam because he didn't study, or goes out with his wife wrong, when he should have known it would.
- If you don't let your kids get it wrong once in a while, they won't learn anything. While you may want to protect them, letting them make their own mistakes will help them make better decisions.
- You should still discipline your kids properly when they make a mistake, but you should also talk about what they did wrong and let them see the mistake in their actions rather than just yelling at them.
Step 4. Understand that your children are struggling
If you want to be a good parent then you have to be aware of when your children are having difficulties and you have to pay attention to those needs. Maybe your little boy is struggling because you've moved to a new town and he doesn't have any friends, or maybe your daughter is going through her first breakup and is emotionally devastated.
- While you can't justify your children's distant behavior, you should be aware of what's going on in their heads so you can be more understanding and talk to them when they're struggling.
- Just saying "I know you're in trouble. Want to talk about it?" will help your kids see how much you care.
- Try to put yourself in your children's shoes. If you're frustrated, trying to understand what's going on with your child will help you understand his behavior.
Step 5. Don't place unrealistic expectations on your children
A child's life can be full of pressures, from siblings, to schoolchildren, to teachers and coaches. Help your child understand their wishes and assess their abilities and limitations. Help them set real goals. Encourage them to reach their full potential, but avoid living indirectly through them hoping that they will achieve in life what you have achieved (or wish you had achieved).
Step 6. Understand that a parent's job is never done
Don't assume that as soon as your children turn 21, or have a college degree, that your job of caring for them is over. While it's important to encourage them to become financially and emotionally independent, it's equally important to tell them that you care about them and that you will always be there for them and that they are loved and valued.
- Always listen to your children.
- Be patient in everything you do for your children.
- Support your child in time.
- Practice what you have taught by setting an example and not making excuses for your actions, such as "Do as I say, not as I do."
- Always talk to your kids, don't send them.
- The purpose of disciplining your child is to show him that his behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force is almost never, perhaps never, necessary to achieve this goal, no matter the child's age. Often, other approaches, such as depriving your child of something he or she likes, can prove more effective over time while still preserving your child's self-esteem and their respect for you as a parent. Teaching your child the difference between right and wrong is a process. Disciplinary methods, which seem to have short-term results, can have unintended negative consequences going forward.