Hearing parents fight is a difficult situation and can leave anyone without a reaction. Are you wondering what you can do to make your parents stop fighting? Unfortunately, no one is able to do no one stops doing anything, so be aware that there is no guarantee of success with the methods below. Still, there might be some interesting things to try and make them understand how you feel and try to stop on their own. If you're sad, scared, anxious, or nervous about your parents' arguments, read on to learn how to organize your emotions and come up with a plan for dealing with this situation.
Part 1 of 3: Talking to your parents about their fights
Step 1. Decide if you really want to talk about the situation
In most cases, talking to your parents about how their fights bother you can be good. It's possible they don't know you hear their discussions or don't realize how much it bothers you.
They may think that fights are no big deal and have never looked at the situation from their perspective
Step 2. Choose the right time for the conversation
As much as you want to stop their fights right away, the ideal is to stay away (if possible) during arguments.
Wait for them to calm down and say that you want to talk about something that has been bothering you
Step 3. Describe how you see the situation
You've made a mature decision to discuss how their fights are affecting you, but to increase the chances of having a good conversation with the expected results, you need to communicate well. Start by explaining to your parents what you see from your own perspective.
For example, "It seems like you guys have been fighting a lot lately, especially in the mornings when we're all getting ready to go out."
Step 4. Say what you think
As long as your parents understand things from your perspective, it's good to talk to them about what you think of the situation, even if you're confused and aren't quite sure about anything.
For example, you might say something like "I'm not sure what all the fighting is about. Maybe it's because they're working overtime or because they have to drive me to school early."
Step 5. Explain how you feel
Be honest about your feelings and hopefully your parents will listen. They should try to comfort you and change their behavior as they see how they are affecting you.
For example, you can continue the conversation by saying something like "It doesn't matter, but the situation is very stressful. I'm worried that you're angry because of me and that I'm afraid you'll end up splitting up."
Step 6. Say what you want
Of course, don't forget to say what the conversation is about. Of course you really are ending fights completely, but know that such a wish is unrealistic.
You can, however, ask them to leave you out of fights or to make an effort to fight only when they are alone
Step 7. Write down what you want to talk about in advance
If you're nervous that you won't remember everything you want to say to your parents, or if you're worried about getting too emotional and not being able to say what you need to say, write down what you want to say before the conversation.
Include all of the above steps in the text (how to say your view of the situation, how you feel, etc.) and rehearse well
Step 8. Try writing a letter
While it's ideal to talk face-to-face with your parents, writing a letter can be helpful if you're too nervous. The text will allow them more time to digest what you want to say and can talk later.
It's just another method of communication. Think carefully about the steps above to write the letter and include everything you want to talk to your parents about
Step 9. Listen to your parents' explanations
They will probably be willing to talk to you about what's going on and explain the reasons for the fights. If they are open to dialogue, listen to them without interrupting.
Hopefully, you can begin to resolve the situation and come up with a plan to deal with the stress and future arguments
Step 10. Talk to a trusted person
If you don't know whether or not to talk to your parents, if you don't know what to say at the time of the conversation, or if you've talked but nothing has changed, talk to a trusted adult.
Choose someone who cares about you and is trustworthy. Ideally, talk to a relative, a school psychologist, a teacher, or a religious leader
Step 11. Be willing to do family therapy
Your parents may suggest having family therapy sessions. In some cases, you don't need to talk to them to let them know that the situation is getting out of hand and that they need help.
- You may frown when you hear about therapy, especially if you're shy or reserved. Many children find therapy tedious, but that is not the case.
- Remember that therapy is a good sign. If your parents suggest a family session, a sign that they care and want to keep the family happy and safe.
Part 2 of 3: Knowing what to do during a fight
Step 1. Try not to eavesdrop when your parents are arguing
Since you don't know everything they're talking about and you might get something wrong, it's best not to try to listen to their fights.
Hearing their fights will probably make you even more uncomfortable. Go elsewhere and wait for them to resolve the situation
Step 2. Find a quiet spot
If possible, try to get away from the fight so you can relax and let your parents sort themselves out.
For example, go to your room to play video games or go to a friend's house to play
Step 3. Find a way to escape the fight even if you can't get out
In some cases, it may not be possible to leave the house when your parents are fighting.
- For example, many parents get stressed and argue during car trips. If this happens, try to find a way out of the discussion.
- For example, put on your headphones and listen to relaxing or fun music. In the absence of a cell phone or MP3 player, concentrate on reading a book or comic book.
Step 4. Know when to call for emergency
If you don't feel safe during the fight or your parents are threatening each other with violence, it's important to get somewhere safe and call emergency services.
You might think your parents will be angry that you involved the police, but remember that it's better to be safe than sorry. Still, calling the police is not your fault, but theirs for putting you in such a situation
Part 3 of 3: Learning More About Fights
Step 1. Understand that it is normal for parents to fight
In some cases, they start screaming out of nowhere. In others, they are ignoring each other and throwing a tantrum for days. No matter what the situation, know that they are angry and that it is okay to be upset about it.
- Even so, it is important to know that arguments and disagreements are normal and, depending on the case, healthy.
- If your parents don't fight all the time and don't seem too worried, then you don't need to worry too much about it.
Step 2. Understand the reason for the fights
As much as their parents are older and supposedly mature, they are still human. We all get tired, stressed and have bad days. It's possible that their fights are motivated by reasons like these.
It is possible that they will feel good again and make up soon
Step 3. Know that knowing your parents fight isn't necessarily a bad thing
Family health experts recommend that parents not fight in front of their children, as children do not need to know all the details of adult life concerns. Still, it's important for children to know that their parents argue from time to time.
- One of the roles of parents is to teach their children that arguments are not always avoided, even with loved ones. They should teach you how to handle the situation, not hide it from you. If they try to "protect" you from it, you will become an adult who cannot handle the fights in your own relationships.
- Hopefully, your parents will make it clear that they are no longer angry after the fight and that they have resolved the entire situation. If they forget to restate this and you are forced to watch them fight to find out if everything is okay or not, talk to them.
Step 4. Realize that your parents don't always mean what they say during fights
Sometimes when we're upset, we say things on the side just to regret it later. You've probably fought with your friends and said terrible things like "I can't stand you" or "I don't want to play with you anymore."
- After clearing your head, you probably apologized and explained that you didn't mean the things you said.
- As much as we want our parents to be perfect, they also say things that hurt each other unintentionally. Luckily, they will apologize right after the fight.
Step 5. Know that fights are not your fault
Parents can fight for a variety of reasons, including work, money and family. You may get the impression that you are the reason for the fight when you see them arguing about finances after writing a large check to your school, for example. Don't start thinking you should have gone to a public or cheaper school so they wouldn't fight.
- As easy as it is to blame yourself, it's important to understand that their fights Never they are your fault.
- Your parents have made an adult decision to argue and it's their fault alone. Remember, as much as the fight seems to be about one thing (you), it probably has to do with many other things.
Step 6. Understand that fighting does not mean the marriage will end in divorce
It's possible that your parents will fight a lot and end up getting divorced one day, but remember that even in those cases, it's still not your fault.
Also remember that arguments are normal between people who love each other. A fight doesn't mean they don't love each other or don't love you. Even if they fight a lot, that still doesn't mean they're going to split up
Step 7. Know that it's okay to be angry
Even if you understand that fighting is normal, you can still feel sad, stressed, worried, anxious or nervous about the situation. Your emotions may seem strange, but they are normal!