Where we live can significantly influence our lives. The ability to make friends, quality of life and access to educational and professional opportunities depend on factors such as the type of house and the region in which we live. So perhaps you believe that a change will be beneficial to both your life and your parents' lives. Talk about your concerns and desires, and consider different destination options, and you may be able to convince your family that moving is a good idea.
Part 1 of 2: Talking About Desire with Your Parents
Step 1. Say why you want to change
Before bringing up the subject, think about your real motivation; this way, in addition to being able to express your feelings, you will be able to be more convincing during the conversation.
- Write down all the reasons you want to change. For example, the list might contain items such as "Best educational resources for me, and career opportunities for my parents" or "The house we live in now is too big and is too much work for you."
- List the advantages and disadvantages of switching. Consider factors such as additional expenses, friends who will be left behind, new opportunities, and the reduction of certain everyday burdens.
Step 2. Plant the seed of change
Don't immediately say you want to change. Take the time to plant the idea at the right times, when you've already put your motivations down on paper.
- Do not insist. In a quiet moment, mention that a change could improve or make life easier for the family. For example, say something like "Mom, maybe mornings wouldn't be so busy and stressful if we lived closer to school" or "Dad, maybe you'd have more energy if you didn't need to take care of such a big house."
- Mention potential neighborhoods when you are away from home. For example, when you're on your way to the supermarket, say something like “Wow, this neighborhood has everything, schools, stores, restaurants… Besides, it's so close to your work!”. In another type of situation, if you're worried about an elderly parent living alone, say something like "Wow, this nursing home offers so many amenities and it's so close to home."
Step 3. Search for houses
Once you have planted the seed of change, your parents will begin to get the message. To be more persuasive, research options before they start asking questions about your motives and where you want to move.
- Do an internet search to find places you'd like to live, and use this information when signaling your willingness to move.
- Consider factors such as family finances. Perhaps you are not aware of your parents' financial situation, and you do not understand how certain suggestions can affect them emotionally or economically. So look for new homes at different price points.
- Make notes about different locations so you can present them convincingly. For example, if you want to move to another city, include items such as the average cost of living and housing, the quality of life in the region, and the advantages of the location in relation to the current city.
Step 4. Choose the right "time" for the conversation
The next time your dad is stressed about the house, suggest a change. Allow the situation to stimulate an open dialogue about the willingness to change and all the practical aspects of the idea.
- Pull the subject when you are less likely to be interrupted.
- Start by talking about your concerns and opinions about your current location and why you would like a move. Show that you are serious, but keep your tone as honest and positive as possible. For example, “I really want to pursue a scientific career and the University of São Paulo offers many better opportunities in this area” or “I am bullied at school and I feel isolated”. Likewise, you could say something like, "Mom, I think moving would be a good idea, as you could count on other people to be with you and get medical assistance whenever you need it."
- Suggest that your parents talk to their friends, parents or teachers about the issue. That way they will understand that your intentions are serious.
Step 5. Give them time to think about it
After talking about the move, allow them time to think about it. Remember that people don't decide to move overnight, and that your parents will need time to assess the advantages and disadvantages of the decision, both for them and for the rest of the family.
- Put yourself in their shoes and empathize. As they consider your wishes, think about how the measure would affect your parents. Maybe a change is great for you, but it causes emotional and financial problems in their lives.
- Don't be nagging after you've talked about your desire to change ─ your parents will just be angry or stressed, and may even give up on the idea altogether.
Step 6. Respect their decision
Regardless of what is decided, respect your parents' conclusion. Perhaps some factor you are not aware of influenced the decision, and complaining will only have negative consequences.
- Offer to help them in any way possible if they decide to change.
- Keep them informed of your feelings if you decide to move because of problems at school. Talking about these issues can be helpful.
- Bring it up again in the future if your parents say they're not sure or that they need more time to think.
Part 2 of 2: Analyzing the Different Alternatives
Step 1. Get help
If change is not an option, seek help to be able to deal with the issues responsible for the desire to change. That way, you'll be able to think of alternatives to make you feel better.
- Talk to family, friends, or another trusted person. Be open and honest when discussing your feelings and ask for advice on how best to handle the situation.
- Seek help from a professional such as a doctor, psychologist or therapist.
Step 2. Move out temporarily
If permanent change is not a viable alternative, consider temporary options. From an exchange to a stay with relatives, just a little time away can help you feel better, or even convince your parents that the move will be beneficial to the family.
- Suggest spending time with friends or family in another part of the city. While it may not be your first choice of housing, this stay will provide an opportunity to change and experience different things. For example, say something like "Could I spend a few months at Uncle Ricardo's house and go to a school near there?" or "Mom, do you want to spend some time at my house? That way you'll be able to relax a bit."
- Try an exchange program if you are still studying. A trip abroad will not only be a “change”, it will also provide new perspectives and adventures.
- Take advantage of the vacation. For example, if the family is having a lot of fun on vacation, mention how many things you can do in the city you are visiting, or how everyone has been fighting less during the trip.
Step 3. Change schools
If your reasons for wanting to move are school-related, such as bullying or a lack of educational opportunities, ask if you can study elsewhere. That way, you may be able to deal with these issues when change is not feasible.
- Search for schools in the region with the qualities you are looking for. For example, if you are very interested in science, look for renowned schools in that area.
- Ask your parents if you can change schools. Keep in mind that this could mean a long car journey every day, which would make life difficult for them.
- Keep in mind that a change of school would also come with disadvantages: you will be the “new student” and may end up suffering from the same problems you faced at the old school.
Step 4. Look for other activities
Visit the local Chamber of Commerce or talk to friends and family about different opportunities in the area. That way, you'll be able to see the benefits of staying where you are.
- See activities, clubs or events in the region. These activities can help you meet new people and "change" without needing a new home.
- Ask friends and other people you meet for tips on activities and events.
Step 5. Join a new community
The internet has made the world a lot smaller, so if physical change is not an option, participating in a new virtual community can help you change your mind and meet people with similar interests and beliefs.
- Search different virtual communities. For example, if you want to do a master's degree in Roman history, you could join an online forum dedicated to archaeologists or other ancient Roman enthusiasts.
- Look for other communities in the region. For example, churches can be a good place to meet people with similar interests to yours, or a horseback riding forum could help you find other fans of the sport in the neighborhood.
- Talk to your parents about communities or activities you are interested in. That way they can help you and maybe even consider the possibility of change again.