You and your mom just had an epic fight and you've decided to lock yourself in your room and cut off all contact, but it's not working? Do you sometimes feel like making your mother disappear from the face of the earth? Know that such situations need not occur. The relationship between mother and child is one of the most significant that exists, so it is worth making a greater effort to make it work.
Part 1 of 2: Reflecting on the Question
Step 1. Get away for a while
Let the dust settle for your mother and allow yourself time to think about what happened. Get out of the house if you can, so you guys have a chance to clear your head. Spend time with your friends or take a walk to unwind. If you're grounded and can't leave the house, try other calming techniques, such as listening to music or talking to someone on the phone.
Step 2. Analyze your role in the fight
If the fight got so big, you must have said mean things to your mother. Can you see the aspects of the fight that were your fault? Did you break any rules? Did you say bad words? Did you get low grades in school? Or are you just upset that she wouldn't let you do something?
- Think about your share of guilt and try to identify at least three things you did wrong. Acknowledging your flaws will help when making a genuine apology.
- People tend to fight when they are in a bad mood, tired or hungry. Were any of these conditions relevant to your case? Did you argue badly with your mom just because you had a bad day at school?
Step 3. Try to see things from her point of view
Now that you have a better view of the fight and what went wrong, try to view the situation from your mother's perspective. Was she tired after a busy day at work? Is she sick or not feeling well? Did you attack her with any accusation or offense?
For many years, professionals have used a strategy to help people identify when they need self-care. This strategy dictates that people should avoid heated arguments and making important decisions when they are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Assessing your own and your mother's condition in the future can help prevent unnecessary arguments
Step 4. Put yourself in her shoes
Adolescents and young people often do not understand their parents' view of certain issues. Parents say “no” and that's all their children hear, not looking for the rational side of the decision. To better understand your mother's attitudes, imagine yourself in her place talking to your own child.
- How would you have reacted to a similar fight with him? Would you have said “yes” or “no”? Would you have tolerated the sarcastic comments? Would you have allowed for a counterargument if your child's safety were at issue?
- Thinking through someone else's perspective will help you develop more empathy for your mother, as well as reveal a better understanding of her decisions.
Part 2 of 2: Improving Communication
Step 1. Apologize
After walking away because of the fight, approach her again to apologize. At this point, you probably already have a greater degree of appreciation for her as your guardian. Ask your mom if this is a good time to talk before you start talking.
- If she's receptive to the conversation, start by saying you're sorry for what happened. Use the example of one or two actions you identified as wrong to voice your apology. Say something like "I'm sorry I waited until the last minute to say I needed money for school."
- Then include a solution to the problem, such as "Next time I'll do my best to let you know in advance."
Step 2. Say you are trying to put yourself in her shoes
Explain that after giving her some thought, you realized that you were not considerate of her. Point out some points of your own behavior that were inappropriate and didn't help the discussion at all.
She'll probably be surprised that you've thought of it from her point of view and will realize that you're on a new level of maturity
Step 3. Try to make her feel respected
Responding boldly, maintaining a smug attitude, or refusing to listen are ways to show a lack of consideration for the person. Even though you don't think you've done any of this, your mother may be feeling disrespected after a fight. There are things you can do to show your esteem:
- Pay attention when she talks to you.
- Stop fiddling with the phone when she's talking.
- Be aware that everything she does is for your good.
- Share with her what is happening in your life.
- Ask her opinion about important things.
- Avoid interrupting when she is talking.
- Do your homework without her having to ask.
- Address her by the name she prefers (Mom or Mom, for example).
- Avoid using profanity or awkward slang in her presence.
Step 4. Talk about your own feelings respectfully
Perhaps the fight left you without a voice. After listening to your mother and showing that you can see things from her point of view, try to help her understand yours. Use first-person statements to communicate your feelings, thus minimizing the chances that she will be offended. Then talk about your needs without downplaying her position or beliefs.
Assuming you and your mom have a fight over how often you go to someone's house, say, “I've been going to my friend's house because she's been sad about her parents' divorce. I understand your concerns. It would be great if we could resolve this issue so that I can continue to assist her and still manage to take care of the lessons and housework here”
Step 5. Discover common interests
You might be wondering what this has to do with getting over a fight. Finding an activity the two of you share can help you bond and improve communication. Spending time with your mother in a quiet situation, such as at the movies, jogging, or gardening, can make her realize that she has many facets, just like you. As a result, you will gain a greater sense of respect and love for her.
If you show respect, your mother will repay you and your opinions in the same way
- Don't apologize until you can identify what you did wrong. If you talk to her before reflecting on your role in the fight, the apology won't sound genuine.
- Avoid using profanity or name-calling in the discussion. It's a sign of disrespect.