How to Chat with Your Parents (with Pictures)

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How to Chat with Your Parents (with Pictures)
How to Chat with Your Parents (with Pictures)
Anonim

It's difficult for both parents and children to spend time together and have an honest conversation. On the one hand, old people can be left walking on eggshells for fear of invading too much of their offspring's lives. On the other hand, children always think that their parents are not interested in what they have to say. You may find your parents too critical or feel uncomfortable starting a conversation with them. Either way, have a plan and use some communication tactics to get through this moment unscathed.

Steps

Part 1 of 5: Planning what to say

Talk to Your Parents Step 1

Step 1. Be brave

Whatever the subject, just opening up to your parents automatically takes a great deal of weight off your back. Don't be worried, anxious or embarrassed, as your parents are on your side and just want to support you. Also, maybe they already know more than you think.

Talk to Your Parents Step 2

Step 2. Don't be worried about upsetting or irritating your parents

With the right planning and a good approach, you can have the conversation you expect. Your parents are naturally concerned, as they only want you well. With this in mind, they should be happy to realize that you are counting on them to solve a problem.

Talk to Your Parents Step 3

Step 3. Don't avoid the conversation

The embarrassment or awkward feeling won't go away if you're running away from the conversation. Send the stress away by opening the game. Just knowing that your parents are trying to understand your side and help you solve a problem relieves tension and anxiety.

Talk to Your Parents Step 4

Step 4. Know who you want to talk to

Do you want to talk to your parents together or would you prefer only your mother to know? The relationship is different with a father and a mother, so you should know what is the most appropriate attitude.

  • Sometimes it's easier to talk about certain topics with one of them, as the other may have the shortest fuse. In that case, it's better to choose the calmest person first and then ask for their help in telling the other person.
  • Your parents are likely to gossip, even if you've only spoken to one of them. It's better to include both of them in the matter and rely on one of them as an ally if you're afraid of the other's reaction. For example, it's not nice to leave your dad out of your life and just tell your mom that you're being bullied at school. Ask her to help you talk to your dad and explain that you're afraid he'll get angry and ask you to defend yourself and react.
Talk to Your Parents Step 5

Step 5. Think about the right time to have the conversation

Take into account your parents' schedules to find the best time to chat. It's not good that they're hot-headed thinking about other issues or busy with dinner. The place of conversation is also important, as certain distractions, such as the TV on or the cell phone ringing with work problems, only serve to get in the way.

Talk to Your Parents Step 6

Step 6. Plan the outcome

You may know where you're going with the conversation, but your parents may have very different reactions than you'd expect. Think of everything. The ideal is for the dialogue to take place in peace, but it's okay if it doesn't. You are never alone as there are many sources of support such as teachers or other responsible adults.

  • If nothing turns out as you expected, some options are:

    • Talk to your parents again. Maybe you picked a bad time. If their day was already going bad, it's hard to have the head to discuss the situation with an open mind. For example, don't ask to go to your friend's prom right after your family is late for your sister's dance performance.
    • Nevermind. There's no need to piss off your parents and ruin your chance to get what you want in the near future. After a respectful and open conversation, when both sides make their point, there is nothing left but to accept. Demonstrate that you have the maturity to respect their opinion and, who knows, later on, the two of them may be more receptive to what you ask, as they already know about your self-control.
    • Seek outside help. Enlist the help of your grandparents, your parents' friends or your teachers. Every parent is protective. If you ask for help from an outsider, you can convince them that you can handle the situation. An example is asking your older brother to say that he has already been to a place you want to go and taking him there to ensure his safety.

Part 2 of 5: Starting a Dialogue

Talk to Your Parents Step 7

Step 1. Write what you want to say

You don't have to write a whole speech blow by blow, but at least outline some main points. That way, you can better organize your thoughts and give direction to the conversation.

You can start with something like: “Dad, I need to tell you something that has been stressing me out”, “Mom, do you have a little time for us to talk?”, “Dad, Mom, I made a mistake and I need your help”

Talk to Your Parents Step 8

Step 2. Talk about trivial matters every day

Isn't the relationship with your parents one that allows for open conversation? Start by talking about everyday trifles. If you make a habit of talking about everything with both of you, it's easier to open up a channel of communication. Also, the relationship gets stronger.

It's never too late to take the first step. Even if you haven't talked much in over a year, come closer with a little hello. Say: “I was wanting to chat with you one of these days. It's been a while since we've spoken. I want you to participate in my life”. Your parents should like the gesture, so they won't be afraid to keep an open dialogue

Talk to Your Parents Step 9

Step 3. Start by probing

Is the subject very sensitive or are you sure your parents won't like it at all? Go into the topic slowly and carefully. Ask questions to test their reaction or to set the stage by suggesting what you want to say.

For example, if you want to tell your parents that you have lost your virginity, you can say, “Mother, Valentina has been dating for a year. Looks like things are pretty serious and have evolved. Do you think dating can reach another level in high school?” By using your friend to contextualize a situation, you can already get a good idea of ​​your parents' reaction to the issue. You can find out what they think, but be careful not to be so obvious as they may both be suspicious of your train of thought and end up asking about you

Talk to Your Parents Step 10

Step 4. Know where you want to take the conversation

It is impossible to plan the course of a dialogue without knowing where you want to go. Ask yourself what you want from this conversation to find out which tools to employ.

Part 3 of 5: Making Yourself Heard

Talk to Your Parents Step 11

Step 1. Get a clear and direct message across

Show what you think, feel and want clearly. At times like this, it's easy to get tense and end up stumbling over words and tripping over yourself. Prepare for the cool-down conversation and give detailed examples until you are sure your parents understand your point of view.

Talk to Your Parents Step 12

Step 2. Be honest

Don't lie or exaggerate. It can be difficult to contain emotions if the subject is very sensitive. Open your heart and see if your parents are taking you seriously. Have you lied in the past or are you known as dramatic? Maybe they don't believe it at first, but be persistent.

Talk to Your Parents Step 13

Step 3. Understand your elders' point of view

Predict their reaction. Have you guys talked about similar topics? If you already know they may turn up their noses or disagree, make it clear that you understand the source of these reservations. When the child shows that he is considerate of his parents' feelings, they may be more receptive to another perspective.

Let's say your parents don't want you to have a cell phone. You can say, “Mom, Dad, I know you don't want to give me a cell phone. I understand that it's expensive, that it involves a lot of responsibility and that they think it's an unnecessary item for kids my age. I know they don't want me to do like other girls my age, who are just wasting time on Instagram or playing games. What if I saved money from my own allowance and bought a device? The plan could be prepaid to be on my account. You could also see what games and apps I would download. I just want to use the cell phone during free time, after finishing the task or when you are busy with something else.”

Talk to Your Parents Step 14

Step 4. Don't argue or complain

Show respect and maturity by using a positive tone. Don't be sarcastic or explosive when listening to things you disagree with. Talk to your parents the way you'd like them to talk to you – that way, there's more chance that the conversation will be taken seriously.

Talk to Your Parents Step 15

Step 5. Choose to speak to one of the two depending on the situation

Sometimes it is better to deal with certain matters with just your mother or just your father. Maybe you're in the habit of talking about school with your dad and dating with your mom. Have the right conversation with the right person.

Talk to Your Parents Step 16

Step 6. Choose the right time and place

When you go to talk, your attention should be focused only on the subject. Avoid public places or rush hour. Allow your parents time to digest everything you're talking about and don't take them by surprise by throwing an important topic into the air at the wrong time.

Talk to Your Parents Step 17

Step 7. Listen carefully when your parents are talking

Don't get distracted by thinking about how to respond. Absorb what they say so you can respond in the right way. It's easy to get caught up in the moment by not hearing what you wanted.

You can even repeat what they said to make sure you understand and show that you are attentive

Talk to Your Parents Step 18

Step 8. Create a reciprocal dialogue

The intention is not to have a conversation in which one side just talks and the other just listens. Therefore, ask questions and explain yourself better when you feel that understanding is not happening. Do not interrupt them or raise your voice. If your parents get angry, say something like, “I understand you're upset. I'm not disregarding what they feel, but I wanted something more constructive. It's better if we talk another time”.

Part 4 of 5: Touching Difficult Subjects

Talk to Your Parents Step 19

Step 1. Predict the outcome

You're likely expecting one of the following endings (or a combination of them) for the conversation:

  • May your parents listen to you and understand your side without judging you or giving you guesses.
  • Let your parents support you or give you permission to do something.
  • Let them advise or help you.
  • Let them guide you, especially if you're in trouble.
  • Let them be fair and do not rebuke him.
Talk to Your Parents Step 20

Step 2. Identify what you feel

This part is difficult, especially if you need to talk about sex or open up about a hitherto very private subject. It's natural to feel intimidated or anxious when talking about thorny topics with your parents. Acknowledge your emotions and don't be afraid to show them to take the weight off your shoulders.

  • Are you afraid of disappointing your parents? Immediately tell what you are holding. Say, "Mom, I know you've talked about this before and that you'll be disappointed in what I'm about to tell you, but I also know that you listen to me like no one else and that you're the only one who can guide me."
  • Are your parents very explosive and do you expect a harsh reaction or a bucket of cold water? Tell him that you took all of this into account and that, even so, you mustered up the courage to open up. Be dynamic and smooth the situation with positivity: "Dad, I know you're going to be furious, but I still think it's important that you listen to me because I know you love and respect me and only get mad because you want the best for me."
Talk to Your Parents Step 21

Step 3. Choose the right time to talk to them

When your elders are already having a bad day, they are much more likely to react negatively. Unless it's an emergency, wait for the appropriate time to bring it up. See if they're in a good mood and if they've had a quiet day.

  • An example is asking, "Can we talk now or isn't this a good time?" A walk or a ride are perfect times, but if you don't have those opportunities, make your own.
  • Know what to say or write or main points so you don't forget anything. Be forewarned and don't start a conversation you're not prepared for.

Part 5 of 5: Finding Alternatives

Talk to Your Parents Step 22

Step 1. Don't waste energy on anything

You can't always get what you want, so don't put your foot down if your parents go against your wishes. Did you show your point of view with respect and listen to everything they had to say? Very well! Next time, they will already be more receptive to your requests.

Talk to Your Parents Step 23

Step 2. Talk to other trusted adults

Sometimes your parents have their own problems to deal with. If one of them is chemically dependent or has psychological disorders, talk to another trusted adult. You can be a relative, a teacher, a psychologist – there are many resources at your disposal.

Before going out talking to someone further away, go to people close to you and ask the one you love for help

Talk to Your Parents Step 24

Step 3. Be mature

Did you choose not to talk to your parents? So face the consequences like an adult. Do not avoid any matter, especially if it is related to your health or safety. If you want to talk about someone else to your parents, be direct and respectful.

Tips

  • Mornings can be stressful, as your parents may be rushing to avoid traffic or preoccupied with work. Adopt a light tone if you choose this time.
  • Simple gestures are very meaningful. A "thank you" or a "hi, how was your day?" already worth a lot.
  • It's okay to disagree with things as long as you respect their point of view.
  • Dinner time can be a really cool time if everyone is involved with some task. So you guys are together in the same environment and the focus is not just on you.
  • Be confident and let go of fear.
  • Read books, blogs or forums to learn how to communicate better with your parents.
  • If you disagree with their point of view, calm down before retorting or making an angry response. Breathe deeply. After controlling yourself for a few seconds, start explaining your understanding of the subject.
  • Don't catch your parents at a time when they are tired, rushed, or busy. Try to speak at an appropriate time for everyone and when you feel ready for conversation.

Notices

  • The longer you wait to deal with boring issues, the more unsustainable the situation becomes. Your parents may discover that you were hiding something from them, which doesn't help to have the ideal conversation.
  • Be patient when talking to them, especially if the subject is sensitive. Prevent tempers from getting heated, which impairs everyone's ability to judge.
  • Did they not know how to open a good communication channel in the past? It may take a while for them to feel free to talk openly with you.

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