How to Talk to Your Mom About Something Private: 11 Steps

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How to Talk to Your Mom About Something Private: 11 Steps
How to Talk to Your Mom About Something Private: 11 Steps

Video: How to Talk to Your Mom About Something Private: 11 Steps

Video: How to Talk to Your Mom About Something Private: 11 Steps
Video: What Makes a Great Father? | Mark Trahan | TEDxTexasStateUniversity 2024, March
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When a sensitive issue in your life becomes too big, it's natural to turn to your mother. However, sometimes you can feel awkward trying to vent to your mother. This is normal and there are many ways to facilitate this conversation. Prepare yourself beforehand by deciding how and when to talk. You may feel a little stressed, but be direct and polite throughout the entire conversation. Try to end the discussion on good terms. Ask for advice and thank her for listening.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Making Decisions About the Conversation

Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 1
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 1

Step 1. See when is a good time to talk

If you want to talk about something uncomfortable, it's important to know when the right time and place is. Talking when your mom is busy or stressed will only make an uncomfortable situation even more stressful.

  • Choose a time with no external restrictions. If you are going to share something private or shameful, the conversation should last as long as necessary.
  • You should also choose a time when you and your mother are usually not stressed. You don't want to tell something embarrassing or weird when you're already in a bad mood. If you two tend to relax more on Sundays, this might be a good time to talk.
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 2
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 2

Step 2. Prepare to be embarrassed

If you're going to talk about something personal with your parents, it's quite possible that you'll feel a little embarrassed, which is normal. It will be easier to deal with the situation if you expect shame in the moment.

  • Don't try to pretend or not feel ashamed or anything weird. If you talk too much, you are likely to focus even more on those feelings.
  • Instead, just accept that you will be embarrassed, but remember why you need to talk. For example, you might want to talk to your mom about sex or dating. Although it is difficult to bring up the subject, she can give you important advice on this as she is older and has more experience.
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 3
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 3

Step 3. Think about your purpose with the conversation

Don't try to bring up the subject without a general idea of what you want. If you're talking about something private, you have a reason for it. Think about why you want to talk to your mother. Knowing your purpose can also help you better target the conversation.

  • Maybe you just want her to listen. If you're having an embarrassing personal problem, you might just want to vent to someone. If so, tell her you don't need advice or guidance.
  • However, maybe you need advice on something. Think about whether or not your mother's opinion will be relevant. If you want advice, ask for it directly. For example "Mom, I need your advice on something".

Part 2 of 3: Communicating Effectively

Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 4
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 4

Step 1. Bring up the subject

You might be too nervous to talk to your mom. However, a simple sentence can start the conversation easily. Take a deep breath and move closer to her to start talking.

  • Try using something simple like “Mom, do you have a minute? I wanted to talk to you about something."
  • If you're nervous that your mother will be angry, try letting her know about it first. For example: “Mom, something happened that I think you will be upset about. I need to talk to you about it anyway, even if I get angry.”
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 5
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 5

Step 2. Be Direct

There's no reason to keep stalling. If you have something important to say, say it right away without hesitation. Be as direct as possible so that the conversation starts openly and honestly.

  • Talk about everything your mother needs to know to understand the situation. Avoid giving hints.
  • For example, start with a straightforward sentence like “Mom, I've been dating John for a while and he wants to have sex for the first time. I don't know if I'm ready, but he's insisting. I do not know what to do".
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 6
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 6

Step 3. Listen to your mother's perspective

Maybe you don't necessarily want any guidance. However, it is the duty of parents to guide their children. Even if you disagree with your mother, try to let her share her opinion without interrupting.

  • Try to understand her point of view. If you get frustrated with her, stop and try to put yourself in her shoes. Think about why she feels that way in this situation.
  • For example, if she is going to tell her that one of her friends is using drugs, she may have a negative reaction. Even if you feel like she is judging too much, maybe she has a friend who had a serious drug problem at school. That must be why she is having such a negative reaction.
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 7
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 7

Step 4. Be polite and respectful during the conversation

If you're sharing something personal, there's always the possibility that your mother won't react the way you want. She may be upset, worried or even angry. However, try to stay calm despite her reaction. You don't want the situation to turn into an argument, as that won't help the two of you.

  • Always remember basic manners. Do not interrupt or raise your voice.
  • Always acknowledge that you heard what your mother said, even if you didn't like what you heard. For example “I understand that you think André is a bad influence, but I really like him as a friend”.

Part 3 of 3: Ending the conversation on good terms

Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 8
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 8

Step 1. Avoid arguing

Never let the conversation turn into an argument. Even if your mother reacts negatively, avoid arguing with her. Keep your tone calm and respectful during the conversation, even if you feel it is being unfair.

  • If you feel like you're about to lose your mind, it's okay to take a break. Say something like “I don't think we're going anywhere with this conversation. Can we take a break and talk about this later?”
  • Then you can do something to get over your anger, such as taking a walk or letting off steam with a friend.
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 9
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 9

Step 2. Deal with a negative reaction

Your mother may not react as you wanted or expected. She may be angry about the matter or even punish you or make a new rule about your behavior. If she has a negative reaction, try to handle it efficiently.

  • If your mother is giving moral lessons or speaking in a way that is not being beneficial, tell her. Say “I don't need advice right now. I just wanted to talk”.
  • If she makes a new rule for your behavior (such as “I don't want you to go out with Carlos anymore”), accept it right away. You can talk to your mother again after she calms down. Arguing can only make things worse.
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 10
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 10

Step 3. Ask for advice if you want

You might want your mom's advice, and maybe that's why you want to talk to her. If you want some guidance, ask after telling what you want. Say something like "I really wanted your advice because I don't know what to do."

Remember that just because someone offers advice doesn't mean you should do what the person says. However, it can be beneficial to just listen and consider her point of view

Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 11
Talk to Your Mother About Something Private Step 11

Step 4. Talk to someone else if your mother doesn't hear you

Some subjects may be too difficult to talk to your mother about. If she reacts very negatively and doesn't want to talk about it, talk to another adult.

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