Have you and your dad been arguing a lot lately? This can be a strenuous situation for any child, whether they are a teenager seeking independence or a frustrated adult. Fights can become so serious that they end up taking the father and son away from the pleasure of living together. To end these fights, learn how to use good communication, responsibility, and fun.
Method 1 of 3: Talking and not bickering
Step 1. Choose the best time to talk
Maybe you guys are fighting a lot because you pick the wrong times to have serious conversations. Don't throw heavy matters at your father as soon as he gets tired of the job. Prefer to chat after dinner or on the weekend.
When he approaches you wanting to talk about something important and you're stressed, ask if they can leave it for later. Take advantage of the minutes you will have before the conversation to do a relaxing activity, such as taking a shower
Step 2. Say what you need
The father likes it when the children show signs of maturity, such as trust and transparency. Explain to him directly, right at the beginning, what you want from him.
- Say, for example, “Dad, I need to talk to you about something. But I just want you to listen, I don't want advice, I just want someone to talk to.”
- Another example: “There will be an evening school excursion and I would very much like to go. Can we talk about this?”.
Step 3. Uncomplicate the conversation
When you need to confess something that you did wrong or that has you worried, approach it very calmly and humbly, provided with some possible solutions to the situation.
For example, suppose you have been fined for speeding. In this case, a possible approach would be: “Dad, I need to tell you something bad I did today. But don't worry, it's all taken care of. I got a speeding ticket on my way to work. I've already talked to my boss and he said I can work overtime all month to pay the fine.”
Step 4. Ask what you can improve
Say you feel upset when you fight with him. Admit your role in the fight and say you want to know how to improve. It could be that he gets nervous when he gets home from a stressful day at work and finds you playing video games while the sink is full of dirty dishes. However, you can't tell if what he wants is just more help around the house or more respect in general. So ask.
- Say, for example: “Dad, we've been fighting a lot lately and it makes me very upset. I would like to know if there is something I can do so that we don't fight anymore or if there is something you expect from me”.
- Tell him, too, what you expect of him: “Dad, I want to have a better relationship with you. Sometimes I stop approaching because I know you're going to yell at me. Would it be possible to scream less?”.
Step 5. Keep calm
You may think your father is very unfair and even cruel. However, remember that although you can't control it, you can control yourself. When he yells, don't yell back, don't turn your back or interrupt him. If you did something wrong, apologize. Otherwise, just sit back and listen until he finishes.
- Breathe deeply during the process. Breathe in through your nose and release it through your mouth.
- It's not wrong to show your emotions, but don't let them get to you and make you say words you'll regret later.
Step 6. Respect his decision
When your father decides something, honor that decision. That way, he'll know he can trust you more in the future. Try to negotiate, but accept that the final decision will be his.
- For example, trade an extra hour on Friday night in exchange for washing his car.
- If your parent asks you to do some illegal or dangerous activity, immediately tell a trusted adult, such as a teacher, as they will know how to help you.
Step 7. Understand his way of seeing the world
Most of the time the father is only doing what he thinks is best for his children. When you don't agree with one of your father's decisions, put yourself in his shoes. That way, even if you still don't agree, you'll understand the reason for the decision.
For example, if he has set a 10:00 pm curfew, while your friends can stay until 11:00 pm, understand that your father is concerned about real threats, such as drunk drivers, drugs, and bad company
Method 2 of 3: Fulfilling Your Responsibilities
Step 1. Do your household chores
Do your best to avoid arguments with your father. Getting homework done on time is one of the best ways. Make a list of everything you need to take care of and keep your room tidy. Complete all the tasks on the list before your dad gets home.
Do the tasks as best you can, so your father won't have to complain
Step 2. Help your father before he asks
When you see him struggling with something, help him immediately; it can be with shopping or cleaning the gutters, for example. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how many responsibilities and worries he faces on a daily basis. These little aids can help ease his suffering a little and bring the two of you even closer together.
Step 3. Do your homework
If you are a teenager or pre-teen, do your homework as soon as you get home from school. Your father has a lot of worries, so try to relieve his stress as much as you can. If you need his help, ask only after dinner, when he has had more time to relax.
Step 4. Help take care of your siblings
If you are the older brother, help take care of the younger ones. Offer to babysit for them so your parents can go out and have fun in the evening. When you notice that the little ones are asking for something, take it for them so your father can get some rest.
Step 5. Call him more often
If you are living far away, take the initiative to call, as your father may be homesick and doesn't want to be the only one who calls. In addition to calling, visit him more often so he can see that it's important.
It is also a good thing to create a group of parents and children so that everyone can communicate throughout the week
Step 6. Honor your word
When you say you will do something, do your best to keep the promise. If the two can take each other's word for it more, the relationship will begin to be more positive and dynamic.
Step 7. Be honest
When your father asks a question, always answer truthfully, even if it's to confess to something he did wrong. He may not like the answer, but he will admire your sincerity and will trust you more.
Method 3 of 3: Having Fun With Your Dad
Step 1. Show that you admire him
After eliminating the bickering, start making an effort to say how grateful you are for everything your father has done. When he feels valued, he will tend not to fight you anymore.
- Say something like this: “Dad, thank you for always being there when I need you. Thank you so much for attending my presentation at school. It was very important to me”.
- Say it in person or write a note.
Step 2. Have dinner as a family
Instead of waiting for your parents to make an appointment for everyone to sit together, do it for them. Suggest that they get together twice a week to have dinner together as a family. Talk about how you spent the day and turn off your phones throughout the dinner period.
You can even play a game, like mime or playing cards, for example
Step 3. Walk together at night
Invite your dad to take a walk around the neighborhood after dinner. That way you will have quality time together and a good opportunity to talk. Walk to the square or find another place where you can sit and talk.
Step 4. Do something you like together
It may seem that the two have nothing in common, but the truth is that there must be something they both like. They may enjoy watching documentaries on TV, playing video games or cooking. Whatever it is, the important thing is that you spend more time together.