Sometimes it seems like our parents don't understand us. Although this damages the relationship a little, it is important to respect them. If you want to learn to behave with them, start by re-evaluating your ideas and actions regarding your family to determine if you are giving them the affection they deserve.
Part 1 of 3: Changing How You Feel and Think About Your Parents
Step 1. Show gratitude
Be grateful for what you have. In addition to giving you the best possible upbringing, your parents sacrifice time and energy to meet your wants and needs. Show them that you understand the importance and that you respect it all.
- Speak this directly to them. The easiest way to show gratitude is to thank your parents for who they are and what they do.
- Use small but important gestures. For example: clean the kitchen after dinner or take out the trash without anyone having to ask. Your parents will notice these positive gestures.
- Praise your parents about something they do well. For example: tell your mother how good her food is and how professional your father is.
Step 2. Understand the differences in perspectives
You have to learn to respect other people's opinions on any issue - whether in politics, in the professional world, etc. This is not to say that you have to sacrifice your own beliefs. In the end, try to face situations from their point of view in order to be able to better understand and accept the relationship.
- Ask your parents questions to find out more about them. Understand that they are from a different generation and that a lot changes over time. Engage in conversation from time to time to strengthen the relationship.
- Keep a journal about your interactions with your parents. Reread it from time to time to see things more clearly, rather than reinterpret them in partial ways.
- Talk to neutral people. Talk to someone who has nothing to gain or lose from any of the perspectives involved (yours or your parents). Find out why they act like this in order to respect them more.
Step 3. Appreciate your parents' wisdom
Wisdom is the ability to integrate knowledge and understanding of life to combat all the uncertainties that come your way. Believe it or not, but your parents also went through many of the adventures of their childhood and adolescence. It is important to recognize and respect all this prior experience.
For example, if you have to see a doctor, you will probably want someone who has theoretical and practical experience with the diagnosis and treatment of illnesses. The same goes for your parents, who are "professionals in life". Start giving them the respect they deserve
Step 4. Remember how much they love you
You can't describe in words or numbers how much a father and mother love their children. They not only love them, but they also create, guide, help and do the possible and impossible for the family. Still, every child forgets this from time to time. Stop and think about your life so far, as well as the support, love, and respect shared.
- Understand that your parents always mean well, even when they seem to be in the way. Every parent wants to protect their children from anything that looks dangerous.
- Parents not only love their children, they are also concerned about their future. Your family will always interfere when they think you are doing something harmful, they may try to interfere. Understand that they do it with the best of intentions.
Part 2 of 3: Changing your attitude with your parents
Step 1. Follow the rules
Children often disagree with the rules their parents impose-but fail to understand that they exist for a reason. While everyone has a certain level of freedom and independence, the rules are meant to keep us from facing the consequences of certain actions that affect our lives and the lives of others (including our parents). Be obedient to show respect to your elders.
- Ask your parents to be clear about what they want and expect from you. Understand what they want to avoid confusion and accidents.
- Stop and think about the consequences of your actions. Think about the ripple effect of what you do and the impact it will have on others. Then determine if it's worth moving forward.
Step 2. Have good manners
This isn't just about eating time etiquettes; you must have ways to show that you don't disregard what others feel. Always be polite to your parents to show reverence.
- Say "please" and "thank you". Words have power and a lot of meaning. In addition to being a sign of education, they show an essential level of gratitude in the relationship between parents and children.
- Don't curse. Be careful about the subjects you discuss and the words you say to your parents. They often see their children as babies (regardless of age). So they don't like to hear swear words and other low terms.
Step 3. Spend time with your parents
At some point in your life (especially as a teenager), you'll prefer to do something else than spend time with your family-and your family will understand. Still, imagine how much love, admiration, and respect your parents would feel if you decided to spend time with them.
- Talk about their interests during your conversations: sports, dancing, music, gardening, etc. Ask questions and show curiosity.
- Make your parents a priority in your life - even more than your friends. They will like the gesture.
Step 4. Show affection
As we get older, we forget to give kisses and hugs to the people we love. Have a close physical relationship with your parents to show that you recognize, respect, and appreciate what they do in your life.
- Tell your parents that you love them at random times, not just when you want something in return.
- Give your parents unexpected kisses and hugs. If they ask why you did this, say, "Just because you're here."
Part 3 of 3: Improving Communication
Step 1. Don't respond
Giving "answers" to your parents is a sign of disrespect, as is yelling, cursing, rolling your eyes, and being sarcastic. You have to try not to make things worse when they are already tense. Learn to control your instinctive reactions to show that you respect the family's authority.
- Recognize the problem before taking any action. If you notice what the problem is and try to change the situation, you will already be taking a very important step. It takes maturity to understand the differences of opinion and reactions between parents and children.
- Apologize to your parents. Admit that you have disrespected them and ask for help to change your behavior.
- Take a "mental time". Next time you're tempted to say something disrespectful, stop and think before you speak. Take into account what your parents are saying and why they are scolding you.
Step 2. Pay attention to body language
Most everyday communicative acts happen through the way we express ourselves, not what we say: the tone of voice, eye contact, movements and gestures, etc. Use nonverbal cues that show respect and understanding.
- Don't cross your arms. This shows that you are defensive and closed.
- Pay attention to the tone. Don't be sarcastic and don't talk loud. This shows that you are letting emotions take over the logic. Always try to speak calmly and in control.
- Make eye contact. This shows that you are sincere and that you are interested in hearing what your parents have to say.
Step 3. Don't dig up the past
In the heat of arguments, you may come to a point where you want to talk about something with anger, hurt, and stress. Try to stay focused on solving one problem at a time, without getting overwhelmed.
- Determine if there are any outstanding issues with your parents before talking to them. You won't be able to express yourself well if you're resentful or hurt. Fix everything before moving on.
- At the beginning of your conversations, make an agreement with your parents to discuss one topic at a time. If someone starts to change course, gradually get back on track.
Step 4. Defend your opinions
Parents aren't always right, but that doesn't mean you have a right to be rude to prove your point. Do not scream; speak calmly and rationally so they understand what you mean.
- Write a note to your parents explaining your reasons and giving examples for you to think or act in a certain way.
- Talk to your parents at another time. Reschedule the discussion to a time when emotions are not on the surface, such as when everyone is free and willing to talk about it.
- Start your sentences with "I" so you don't get defensive. So talk about the things that make you uncomfortable and what you need to change. For example: change "You never listen to me" with "I feel like you don't listen to me. I would like my opinion to be taken more seriously".
Step 5. Talk openly to your parents
Let them into your life: talk about studies, work, your love life and anything else that might be interesting. Also discuss fears and insecurities, as they've probably felt something like this before. That way you'll show that you care about their opinion.
- Tell your parents secrets. Of course, no one is comfortable talking to their parents about everything, but show them that you trust them to make clear your respect for the wisdom they have to pass on.
- Don't be afraid to show emotions. Everyone is happy, nervous, afraid, angry, etc. On occasion. Show this to your parents so they can see how you feel.
- Parents do their best every day to meet their children's wants and needs and deserve to be respected. Even if you don't get along all the time, respect them and say how grateful you are for everything.
- Buy them random gifts and treats, even when there are no special occasions. A box of chocolates, a bottle of wine, etc. are essential.
- Remember that your parents are not perfect: they have already made and will make many mistakes. Still, love them unconditionally (just as they love their children).
- Also remember that you only have two parents. Treat them well while you still can.
- We only live once. Show your parents how much you love them before it's too late.