"Be yourself" is perhaps the most used phrase in board history and may seem like an extremely vague suggestion. What do people really mean when they say this? And is it really as easy as it sounds? By following the steps below, it will be.
Part 1 of 4: Finding Out Who You Are
Step 1. Find yourself and define yourself on your terms
Oscar Wilde once said, with his usual wit: Be yourself, all other posts are occupied. As funny as it sounds, this is a basic summary of the truth. However, you cannot be yourself if you don't know, understand and accept yourself. The first objective should be to find out how to do this.
- Take time to learn what you value and to analyze what makes up the essence of who you are. As part of this, contemplate life and your choices. Try to think about what you would or would not like to do and act accordingly. Making discoveries through trial and error helps more than you could imagine.
- You can even take personality checks, but be careful to only absorb what you want so you don't let those checks define you. Instead, create a definition based on your own terms that you feel absolutely comfortable with. You may feel embarrassed at first, but in time, if you are surrounded by the right kind of people, they will accept you for who you are.
Step 2. When discovering your values, don't be surprised if some of them seem conflicting
This is a natural result of adopting values from different sources, including culture, religion, mentors, inspirational people, educational sources, etc. What matters is to keep working through these conflicts to discover which values are most important to you.
Just because values seem conflicted doesn't mean you need to let go of them. Consider everything as part of a dynamic personality. You cannot be labeled or placed in any box. You have values for all different aspects of life, so it's natural for them to be different
Step 3. avoid dwelling on the past and allow yourself to grow.
One of the least healthy approaches to being yourself is to decide that who you are defines yourself for a moment or period of time and spend the rest of your life trying to be that person from the past, rather than someone who is still you but grows with the passing of each decade and season. Allow yourself room to grow, to improve, and to become wiser.
- Allow yourself to forgive past mistakes and behaviors that you're not proud of. Work to accept the mistakes and choices you have made, as they cannot be changed. You had your reasons and the decision made sense at the time, so instead of dwelling on past mistakes, allow yourself to learn life's lessons and keep growing.
- Watch for people who proudly claim to be no different than they were when they turned 16, 26, or 36 years old. Do they look flexible, relaxed and happy? Often they are not because they are too busy insisting that nothing has changed, so they are unable to accept new ideas, learn from others, or grow. Growing into each new age and stage of life is an essential part of being honest with yourself and being emotionally healthy.
Step 4. Never fail to pay attention to your strengths
Over time, they may change, along with your definition of yourself, but never fail to focus on them. They probably outweigh your shortcomings and are the main reason you don't compare yourself to others.
- Comparisons breed resentment. A person full of resentment cannot concentrate on the mantra "be yourself" because they are too busy wishing to be someone else.
- Comparisons lead you to criticize others. A life full of criticism of others is born out of low self-esteem and the need to get people off the pedestal you put them on. Doing so is as much a way of losing friends and respect as it is of never being yourself (since you're suffering from envy and spend most of your time analyzing other people's traits rather than your own).
Step 5. Relax
Stop worrying about the worst that can happen, especially in social situations. What if you fall flat on your face? What if you have spinach stuck in your teeth? Or accidentally headbutting a suitor while leaning in to kiss him? Learn to laugh at yourself during the moment and after.
Turn this into a funny story that you can share with others. They'll know you're not perfect and you'll feel more at ease. Also, the ability to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously is a very attractive quality
Part 2 of 4: Dealing with Others
Step 1. Be honest and open.
What do you have to hide? We are all imperfect human beings who are growing and learning. If you feel embarrassed or insecure about any aspect of yourself and believe that you need to hide certain things, physical or emotional, you should get over it and learn to convert your supposed flaws into individual quirks or simply the basic, realistic statements of yours. imperfections.
Try the tactic of accepting your imperfections during an argument with someone. Often, as you do, you'll find that you've lost your reason to stubbornly continue to defend your point of view, which is because you don't want to give in and surrender. The moment you say, “Look, I also get really angry when the room is a mess and I recognize that I shouldn't leave my clothes in a pile on the floor. I still do that because I have a lazy side. get rid of this habit, I'm sorry. I know I could do better and I'll try." You can end the fight by being honest and end the reason for the argument
Step 2. Stop comparing yourself to others
If you are always striving to be someone you are not, you will never be a happy person. It happens when you compare yourself to others and want to be just like them. It's a slippery slope where your thoughts will become more and more negative.
- You can always see the appearances others wish to portray publicly, but you'll never see what's really going on behind the facade of a seemingly perfect world. By comparing yourself to others, you give a lot of power to appearances and reduce your own value based on a mirage. It's a useless activity that only hurts.
- Instead, value who you are, love your personality, and accept your faults. We all have flaws and, as we've explained, it's better to be honest than to run away from them.
Step 3. Stop worrying about how others see you
Some people will like you and some will not. Any attitude can be considered both right and wrong. It's almost impossible to be yourself when you're constantly thinking, "Do they think I'm funny?" "She thinks I'm fat?" "Do they think I'm dumb?" "Am I good/smart/popular enough to be their friend?" To be yourself, you need to let go of those worries and let your behavior flow naturally, using only the consideration you have for others as a filter - not their consideration for you.
If you move because of one person or a group, another person or group may not like your new personality, and you may end up in a vicious cycle trying to please others instead of focusing on developing your talents and strengths.
Step 4. Stop trying to please others
Always wanting everyone's love and respect is a totally useless exercise that can damage your confidence and personal development. Who cares what other people say? As Eleanor Roosevelt once said: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. The most important thing is to listen to your inner confidence and, if it's not there, start building it!
Does that mean no one's opinion matters? No. Social rejection hurts. If you are forced to remain in a situation where you must spend most or all of your time with people who can't stand you, it can be dangerous to internalize the negative ideas they hold about you. What you can do is exercise some choice about which opinions you value more than others. It's much healthier to pay attention to people who really want you and agree with what you want out of life
Step 5. Surround yourself with positive people
Don't trivialize what you're going through if you're facing negative social pressure or bullying. It will be easier to resist if you are aware of this pressure and build healthy defenses. Developing a circle of trusted friends and people who share your beliefs and views is a good way to help reduce the impact of hostile people. You can tell yourself that these opinions don't matter, and they shouldn't matter, but it's much easier when there are other people who agree with you and who stand by you.
Compare the people you love to your abuser. You may suddenly realize that his opinion of you, your family, or your lifestyle is useless. We naturally care about the opinions of those we respect and admire. This works both ways: if someone doesn't respect you, what they say about you are just empty words coming from someone who is just one step away from being a complete stranger
Step 6. Know the difference between intimidating, sarcastic, or conniving comments and constructive, well-meaning criticism
The latter will focus on real defects that you are unaware of and can remedy. In this case, people such as parents, mentors, teachers, coaches, etc. may say things that you need to digest and reflect on, at your own pace, to improve. The difference is that this criticism is intended to help you.
These people care about you, are interested in your personal growth, and are respectful. Learn to tell the difference between one criticism and another and you will live well, rejecting unjustified negative criticism and learning from constructive criticism
Part 3 of 4: Cultivating Your True Self
Step 1. Treat yourself the same way you would treat your best friend
Do you value friends and people close to you? Well, who is closer to you than yourself? Give yourself the same kind, considerate, and respectful treatment that you give your loved ones. If you had to go out with yourself for a day, how fun/pleasant/satisfied/calm/contented could you be without ceasing to be yourself? What's your best version?
Be responsible for yourself and for increasing your self-esteem. If others aren't saying you're awesome, don't let it affect you. Instead, tell yourself that you are special, wonderful, and worthwhile. By believing these things, others will recognize the glow of self-confidence and quickly begin confirming your self-assertions
Step 2. Develop and express your individuality.
Whether it's your sense of style or even the way you speak, your favorite way of doing something makes you stand out from the crowd and produces positive results, so be proud of it. Be a unique character, not a type of person.
Learn to communicate well. The better you can express yourself, the easier it will be for people to like you for who you are and for people who don't to stay away
Step 3. Avoid being unfair to yourself
Sometimes we end up comparing apples to pears. We would like to be a successful Hollywood film producer, but we are actually humble aspiring screenwriters. Admiring the successful producer's lifestyle and wishing it for yourself is an unfair comparison - this person has years of experience and professional relationships behind them, while you're just getting started and testing writing skills that could one day be exceptional.
Be realistic with comparisons and only admire other people as inspiration and a source of motivation, not as a means of belittling yourself
Step 4. Follow your own style
One thing a lot of people do is copy other people's attitudes because it seems like the best way to adjust, but shouldn't you really stand out? Standing out can be very difficult, but avoid making assumptions about what other people think of you, even if it isn't easy. That's what it means to be yourself.
Whatever you are, accept it. Being different is beautiful and attracts people. Don't let others change you
Step 5. Accept that some days will be better than others
People can scowl and even make fun of you when you're being yourself, but as long as you can shrug and say, "Hey, that's who I am" without caring, you will end up being respected by others and respecting yourself. same. Most people have a hard time being themselves, and if you can do it they might even admire you.
Sometimes you will be hurt when someone teases you. While it can be very difficult and talking is easier than doing, try your best to let it go. In the end, you will be a bigger and better person, you will know who you really are, and you will be better able to survive any obstacles in the future
Part 4 of 4: Being strong
Step 1. Defend yourself
Why let someone intimidate you? They never received a certificate saying they had the right to provoke others! If you have a problem, there are many good and understanding people who want to help you.
Step 2. Defend others
When you find an aggressor, you must stop him. No matter what, you have the right to stop him. Believe in yourself.
Step 3. Defend the people who bullied you
Just because you had to defend yourself against them doesn't mean they don't have a heart!
- Just because someone says they don't like something about you doesn't mean it's a bad thing or that you need to change. Often it's just a matter of preference.
- Don't feel the need to do something spectacular or out of the ordinary to be an individual: all it takes is to show who YOU are on the inside.
- Change is a constant. So change over time is inevitable and can always be a good thing if you stay informed, relevant and aware of the world around you. Let personal development be a priority in your life.
- Even if friends look different, don't hold back. Be yourself and if they don't accept you, they aren't true friends.
- If you need to be yourself, do what your heart tells you, say what you feel. If someone bullies you, you don't have to do the same, just turn away and ignore them. Doing what you want doesn't mean being foolish. Be sensible and always have a smile on your face.
- Striving to be someone you are not in order to gain that person's popularity, looks, or attitudes can be highly detrimental. Be unique by keeping a perspective focused on building your strengths and drawing inspiration from other people, but not trying to become one of them.
- Fads and trends are a personal decision. While some people shun them like the plague in the name of "individualism," that doesn't mean you're not being yourself when deciding to follow a trend. What matters is what you want.
- Knowing when to go with the tide is more beneficial than refusing to do something. For example, sometimes it's better to agree to go to a concert by a band you don't like to spend time and have fun with friends than to stick to your personal opinion of the band's music and stop having fun with it. good friends. You must make concessions and respect others' preferences.
- Remember, no one knows you better than you do.
- Don't say you can do something you can't just to please someone! Doing so will not help at all and the person will discover the truth easily.
- Be yourself, but don't be rude if someone offers constructive criticism.
- Respect others as much as you respect yourself.While being yourself means expressing your opinions, dreams and preferences, it certainly doesn't mean forcing them on other people! Everyone has equally deserving needs, dreams, and desires: it's up to each of us to recognize the value of the other as well as our own. So avoid being rude, neglectful or selfish.
- Not caring about how others see you does not mean not caring and behaving well. Basic respect is a foundation of the rules of etiquette to ensure that we can all live in harmony and with a basic level of expectation about how to act politely. The less educated we are, the less we respect others and ourselves (because we are being imperious and arrogant rather than cooperative and considerate). Be polite and considerate to others.