Would you like to handle life's ups and downs with strength and elegance? Becoming mentally and emotionally strong is not an overnight process, but by viewing each problem in life as an opportunity to be stronger, you will gain the wisdom and enlightenment you need to overcome difficult times.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Identifying Challenges and Setting Goals
Step 1. Understand the meaning of emotional resilience
Being mentally or emotionally strong, or resilient, means knowing how to adapt well to problems such as stress, trauma, adversity or tragedy. We are not born resilient - this is a process that can be learned by anyone, and is found in ordinary individuals.
- Being emotionally strong doesn't mean not feeling pain or suffering - resilience is often developed when faced with extremely painful situations. This means learning to move forward and recover from such experiences.
- To develop resilience, we must focus on cultivating specific skills, such as: making plans and sticking to them, developing self-confidence and a positive outlook on ourselves, learning to deal with intense feelings and impulses, communicating better, and solving problems efficiently.
Step 2. Learn more about emotional control
Learning to control emotions is another important element in the process of becoming mentally and emotionally strong. You may not have control over the tricks life plays, but you can always choose how you will react to each situation. Again, this is not an innate quality, anyone can learn to deal with their feelings productively.
Step 3. Identify the specific areas you would like to change
Before you begin working on mental and emotional self-empowerment, you will need to take an inventory of your strengths and weaknesses to determine what you would like to change about yourself. Create a list of all the strengths and weaknesses you can think of. When you're done, think about how to turn each of your weaknesses into a goal you want to achieve.
For example, perhaps the list of weaknesses includes difficulty communicating one's needs to others. If you want to work with this problem, your goal could be to become someone more assertive
Step 4. Recognize your strengths
In addition to identifying areas that need change, take time to celebrate your strengths. Read through the list of strengths and congratulate yourself on these positive traits. Giving yourself credit from time to time will help you focus on positive qualities and build resilience.
Step 5. Consider past experiences
Perhaps the reason you feel you don't have enough mental or emotional strength is related to a past event. It doesn't matter if it happened just a few months ago or when you were very young, maybe this event is still affecting your mental and emotional strength. Studies show that children who have been abused, neglected or exposed to any other type of danger are more likely to have emotional and mental problems that could lead to drug abuse or even suicide.
- Try to find out if any negative childhood experiences are contributing to your mental and emotional state. Think about how and why these experiences affected you in this way.
- You may need to talk to a therapist about your childhood experiences in order to fully understand them, deal with them, and move on.
Step 6. Determine if you have an addiction that needs treatment
Addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex or anything else can be very damaging to our mental and emotional strength. If you think you have an addiction, get help to get rid of bad habits. If the problem is serious, it may require some form of treatment. Talk to a doctor or therapist if you believe the addiction could be detrimental to your resilience.
Step 7. Record thoughts and feelings in a journal
A journal can help you understand the causes of the challenges you are facing and is also a great way to relieve stress. To get started, choose a comfortable place and plan to spend about 20 minutes a day writing. You can write about how you're feeling or what you're thinking, or you can use a suggested topic. Here are some subject ideas for the journal:
- "I feel powerless when…"
- "My biggest challenge is…"
- "If I could talk to myself as a child, I would say…"
- "When I'm upset, the best thing I could do or say to myself is…"
Step 8. Consider seeing a therapist
Without help from someone else, it may be more difficult to figure out why you feel you are in trouble and determine how best to deal with your emotions. A licensed mental health professional will help you understand these feelings and work to overcome them.
Keep in mind that mental and emotional frailty can be a symptom of some underlying mental health condition that requires treatment. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what is going on and decide how best to act
Method 2 of 4: Keeping Balance
Step 1. Stay away from bad habits that disturb your peace of mind
By drinking, using drugs, stealing, lying or otherwise playing with your mental health, you are sabotaging your ability to become more resilient. Start gradually eliminating all the bad habits in your life, or at least limit them so they can't control your emotions and behavior. If you are suffering from an addiction, get help.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
Physical activity, consumption of healthy foods, rest and relaxation will help you develop and maintain resilience. By taking good care of yourself, you will signal the mind that you deserve to be cared for. Spend enough time to meet basic needs related to exercise, nutrition, sleep and rest.
- Practice physical activities regularly. Plan to exercise for 30 minutes a day.
- Maintain a balanced diet with healthy, wholesome foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins.
- Sleep eight hours a day.
- Set aside at least 15 minutes a day for yoga, deep breathing, or meditation.
- Drink lots of water, at least eight glasses a day, but even more if you're exercising and sweating.
Step 3. Enrich the mind
Challenge yourself to keep learning. The more knowledge you gain, the stronger the mind will be. Don't get stuck, mentally or physically. Keep yourself curious, aware and up to date with what is happening in the world.
- Read books, see good movies, attend concerts, go to the theatre, watch ballet and enjoy some form of art.
- Create your own art. Write, paint, compose music, create sculptures, knit - any activity that encourages the creative side.
- Acquire new skills. Experiment in the kitchen, work on do-it-yourself projects around the house, tend to a garden, learn to drive or fish, train for a three-mile marathon.
- Talk to others. Have meaningful conversations that go beyond small talk. Hear the stories of others and share your own stories.
Step 4. Work on the spiritual side
Many people become stronger when they focus on spirituality. Creating a connection with something bigger than ourselves - no matter what - can provide strength and a sense of purpose to our spirits. Research shows that spirituality and prayer help relieve stress and shorten recovery time from illness. Spirituality can take many different forms, and it's important to find a form that works for you. There is no right way to get in touch with our spiritual side.
- Consider attending a church to pray with others.
- Practice yoga or meditation.
- Spend time in nature and admire the beauty of the natural world.
Method 3 of 4: Empowering yourself mentally and emotionally
Step 1. Set reasonable goals and pursue them
You can practice mental empowerment by setting relevant goals and striving to achieve them, step by step. Going from one stage to another requires self-discipline, the ability to deal with boredom or pain, and perseverance to get what we want. This is not an easy task and the more you practice, the better your chances of reaching your goals.
- If your goals were so big that they seem impossible, break them down into smaller, more realistic steps. For example, if you want to work on becoming a more assertive person, you could set a goal to say what you think three times a week. Examples can be as simple as telling your partner that you would like to have dinner at a specific restaurant, rather than being content with his choice.
- Have a persevering attitude. Decide that you will keep trying even if you have a setback, whether your goal is to stay in a job, finish a project, manage your finances, etc.
- View failures as learning opportunities. Failures are only temporary setbacks, and they are loaded with lessons.
Step 2. Strengthen yourself against negativity
Negativity can come in different forms: it can come from within, in the form of negative thoughts, or from the outside world, in the form of negative comments or abuse from others. While no one has the power to completely eliminate negativity from your life, there are ways to manage it.
- Control negative thoughts by learning to identify and challenge them. Learn more by reading How to Handle Negative Thoughts.
- While you can minimize contact with toxic or negative people-and perhaps even eliminate them completely from your life-sometimes they are family members, co-workers, or other acquaintances we are obligated to interact with. Rather than being affected by the negativity of others, you can learn not to get involved and set limits for this type of person. This wikiHow article is a fantastic resource for learning how to do this.
Step 3. Use positive self-affirmations to build resilience
Daily positive affirmations will help you to strengthen yourself, mentally and emotionally. Every day, take a few moments to look in the mirror and say something encouraging about yourself. You can say something you think about yourself or something you would like to think about. Some examples of positive affirmations include:
- "I'm working to be emotionally strong every day."
- "I'm learning more productive ways to manage stress and be kind to myself."
- "I know that if I take small steps toward my goal every day I will feel stronger mentally and emotionally."
Step 4. Learn to stay calm under pressure
When a situation starts to get out of hand, you may feel your emotions threatening to explode. By holding back a little, rather than being impulsive and reactive, you'll have more time to think through your possible options and decide on the wisest course of action.
- Taking the time to count to ten is a cliché, but it really works. Before reacting emotionally to a situation, stop, take a deep breath, and reflect on what is happening.
- Meditation can help you stay calm, as it will teach you to be more objective when dealing with emotions and thoughts. Instead of reacting impulsively, you should be able to analyze your thoughts and feelings and say, "Okay, I'm feeling really frustrated right now" and think about what to do next.
Step 5. Leave the little problems aside
If you're too sensitive to the little annoyances and criticisms we all experience on a daily basis, you'll end up devoting time and energy to things that don't really matter. By rummaging through these little things, giving them a lot of attention, or treating them as big problems, you not only increase your stress, but you can also increase your risk of mortality. Learning to adjust your attitude so as not to pay attention to small daily stresses will help you keep the stress hormone (cortisol) under control, protecting you from problems such as reduced immune function, increased blood pressure and cholesterol and the elevated risk of heart disease.
- Instead of stressing yourself out, develop the healthy habit of thinking about what's bothering you, calming down, and deciding on the healthiest and most productive way to deal with it.
- For example, if your husband always forgets to close his toothpaste, realize that this may not be as important to him as it is to you. You can choose how you handle the situation - put the lid on the toothpaste yourself and think of all the other ways your partner contributes to the house, or put a (polite) note on the wall that works like gentle reminder.
- Beware of perfectionism, as it can cause extremely high and often unrealistic expectations about ourselves and the way our days go, making you forget to consider all the things that affect the day and that are beyond your control.
- Try a visualization exercise to get rid of the little annoyances. Put a pebble in your hand and imagine that it contains the only thing that bothers you right now. Concentrate on this problem and squeeze the pebble tightly. Then, when you're ready, throw the stone away. Toss it into a pond or a field. As you do, imagine that you are also throwing away what bothers you and any negative feelings attached to the issue.
Step 6. Change your point of view
If you tend to get too caught up in your own problems, find ways to gain a different perspective on life and all the possibilities it brings. Everyone faces obstacles, but resilient people can find other ways to get where they want to go. If you're having trouble letting go of a particular point of view, try the techniques below:
- Read more. Reading the news or a novel will allow you to step into the worlds of others, which will act as a reminder that the world is too big and that your problems are just a drop in the ocean.
- Work as a volunteer. Interact with people who need help. Some studies show that volunteering has a wide range of physical and mental health benefits.
- Listen to a friend. Listen to someone who really needs your advice. Put yourself in the person's shoes and give the most sincere advice you have.
- Travel. Leaving your comfort zone can help you gain another perspective on the situation you are facing. Visit somewhere you've never been before, even if it's just a nearby town.
Step 7. Cultivate a positive outlook
Resilient people don't usually complain too much. They have as many problems as anyone else, but they take it easy and can see the big picture. By being positive about what happens in our lives and the possibilities of the future, we gain more resilience to face difficult situations. Furthermore, some studies show that the simple act of maintaining a positive appearance can benefit our physical health.
- Enjoy the happy moments. Try to enjoy family, friends, pets and all the good things in life as much as possible.
- Always look on the bright side of difficult situations. They always have something to teach.
Step 8. Be honest with yourself
The ability to face reality can be the greatest sign of one's mental and emotional strength. If you are trying to overcome an obstacle, you will have to face it. Lying to yourself about what's going on will only hurt you in the end.
- If you run away from problems (for example, watching too much television as a way to avoid thinking about the things that are bothering you), recognize your bad habits and work to break them.
- Be honest with yourself about your challenges.
Method 4 of 4: Dealing with Life Situations
Step 1. Think before you act
When you are faced with a difficult situation, take the time to think about it before taking action or making a decision. This is mandatory, regardless of the situation you are facing. This will give you time to get your emotions under control and evaluate all available options.
- If you can, take time to analyze the situation, putting your feelings down on paper. Try to identify at least one positive thing about the situation, no matter how small. This small change in mindset will make a huge difference.
- Remember to take at least ten seconds to consider a situation before saying anything. Even if your girlfriend just said she wants to end the relationship, you can still set aside ten seconds to pull yourself together before responding. In the end, you'll be glad you did.
Step 2. Examine all angles of the situation
Before deciding what to do, assess the situation clearly and calmly. What exactly happened? What paths could you follow? There is always more than one way to deal with a problem.
For example, let's say a friend has asked for your help in an illegal activity, and you're torn between staying loyal to the friendship and following the law. Weigh the pros and cons of both possible paths. Is this friend really your friend if he's asking you to break the law? Or is it the law that stands in the way of true justice?
Step 3. Determine the right path and stick to it
Use awareness as your personal guide. Research shows that people who rely on their instincts to make decisions about something have a higher level of satisfaction with those decisions than people who look at everything carefully. Sometimes the answer will be clear, and sometimes it will be extremely difficult to figure out the right way to act. Don't let the problem get worse and get out of hand, make a decision and stick to it.
- Consult others you trust. There's nothing wrong with asking others for their opinion when we're not sure which way to go. Just don't let people influence you to do the wrong thing.
- Think of a person you admire and what they would do. She should be someone balanced, honest and kind hearted. What would this person do in your place?
- Ultimately, you will have to take responsibility for what you do. Make the best decision possible - a decision you can live with.
Step 4. Think about your experiences
After going through a difficult situation, consider what happened, how you handled the problem, and how things worked out. Are you proud of the way you behaved? If you could, would you do something different? Try to learn as much as you can from the experiences, wisdom is only gained from this kind of practice. Examining what happened, rather than just trying to forget about it, will help you know how to act the next time you face a challenge.
If things don't go as planned, that's fine. Remember that things won't always go well and you won't always get exactly what you want. That goes for everyone, no matter how fantastic someone's life appears to be
Tips
- Stay away from people who disrespect you and make you feel weak.
- Try meditating to stay calm and focused.
- Try to make an effort to live more in the moment, thinking less about past problems and worries about the future.