It is very difficult and sad to know that your friend has been the victim of sexual abuse or assault. Although the situation is frightening, it is possible to find ways to comfort her. Offer moral support and help her find useful resources. Another form of support is to see how she was after what happened and how she is doing. The most important thing is to allow the victim to make their own decisions.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Offering words of support
Step 1. Say you believe her
The most important thing is to reassure your friend that you believe what she says. Victims of abuse are often questioned with tricky questions such as, "Are you sure?" Don't be that person: be an ally. Say, “I believe you. I'm here to hear you.”
It is very difficult for most people to tell about an episode of sexual violence. Control yourself and don't ask for details of what happened and who did it. You must demonstrate that you want to listen to her because you are on her side and not to satisfy her curiosity
Step 2. Assure her that it was not her fault
Many victims of violence are ashamed or even feel guilty after the incident. One way to comfort your friend is to make sure it wasn't her fault.
You might say, "I understand you're feeling a whirlwind of emotions, but remember that none of this is your fault."
Step 3. Remind her that she is not alone
Any kind of sexual abuse can cause a feeling of isolation, which increases fear and worsens your friend's emotional state. Tell her that you are by her side and that you don't intend to let her go through this alone.
An example is: “I can't imagine how scary this situation is, but I'm here with you. No need to be afraid, you're safe."
Step 4. Be aware that many victims avoid physical contact
Your friend may feel uncomfortable with any touch, even if it's your supportive hug. This reaction is very normal, so respect her wishes. Don't forget to ask before trying to give a hug or any other supportive gesture. However, if she says she wants a hug, don't deny it!
Step 5. Recognize the impact this negative experience will have on her life
Your friend needs to be aware that she is understood. Say: “I know this event had a huge impact on your life. I understand that you may feel that you cannot overcome or forget.”
- Avoid saying things like: "No problem, it happens to a lot of people." Don't say, "Now that it's gone you can put it out of your head."
- Give encouragement with a phrase such as: “It will be hard to get over it, but I believe in you. You are a survivor and one day this will all pass, even if it takes a while.”
Step 6. Let your friend make her own decisions
Remind her that your intention is to provide support and attention. Even if you think you have a better solution, don't pressure your friend or force her to do something she's not comfortable with.
- For example, don't force her to file complaints with the police if she isn't prepared.
- Let her also decide who else to tell and when.
- If she still remains undecided, you can help with the options, without implying what you think is best or taking away her decision-making power. Ask: "Would you like __ or __?"
Step 7. Apologize if you say something wrong
This situation is difficult and it is not always possible to find the best words to use. If your friend reacts negatively to something you say, apologize immediately. Everyone makes mistakes.
- Try saying, “I pissed you off, didn't I? A thousand apologies, friend, I'm not going to say this anymore.”
- You can also confirm her experience. For example, if you ended up accidentally saying that the abuser confused her signs, say: “I'm sorry I said he confused your signs. He should have asked before continuing if he was confused. You do not do anything wrong."
- Be firm with her support and repeat that it wasn't her fault. Maybe you even need to be a more emphatic person and say, "No one has the right to hurt another person like that!"
Method 2 of 3: Finding Resources to Help Your Friend
Step 1. Find out more about the Welcome Map
This is a platform that connects women who have suffered any kind of gender-based violence, including sexual abuse and rape, to a network of therapists and lawyers who are willing to help on a voluntary basis. Take a look at the site and see if your friend wants to register.
Step 2. Take your friend to the Women's Police Station if she wants to
If your friend asks for help in making a complaint, take her to a Women's Police Station. In case of rape, the ideal is for her to look for the police station within 72 hours, but it's okay if she goes past the deadline. There, she will be instructed to register the occurrence and will be referred to hospital care.
- You can help your friend by offering company, as well as words of support and emotional comfort with your presence.
- Many victims of sexual violence are afraid or ashamed to go to the police. It's a normal situation, so don't pressure your friend. However, remind her of the law: if she is over 18, she must get a BO within six months of the crime. After that period, she loses the right to denounce. If you are a minor, you have up to 20 years to report it from the time you turn 18 years old.
Step 3. Help your friend find the hospital if she wants to
If she wants medical help, offer options such as a public or private emergency room if she is insured. As this step is daunting, continue to offer support and encouragement, especially as it is important that your friend takes an antiretroviral cocktail to avoid HIV within 72 hours, plus the morning-after pill if necessary.
- Your presence during the procedure can make your friend more secure and comfortable. However, respect her decision.
- The evidence of the crime that contains the DNA must be collected within 72 hours. Therefore, it is important to register the BO at the police station and take the criminal body exam with a forensic doctor at the IML. The evidence collected is used in the process.
Step 4. Provide important websites and phone numbers
Your friend may feel lonely and scared. If she knows that there are several resources available to her, she may feel better. You can give a short list of all the organizations she can look for.
- She can look for Specialized Women's Care Centers, where there is reception and guidance and legal referral for cases of violence.
- In addition, your friend can also go to the nearest Social Assistance Reference Center (CRAS).
Step 5. Offer help for her to seek therapy
After an episode of sexual violence, your friend may experience many emotions: she may be shocked, scared, angry or embarrassed. A psychologist can help you process and deal with these emotions. Tactfully suggest that she see a therapist.
- Say something like: “Having therapy can help a lot. Do you want me to contact private psychologists to ask for the price of consultations and ask for information?”
- If she accepts, find some options for her to choose. If you reject it, leave it alone.
- Your friend can also seek free psychological care through SUS or at a psychology college. There are also professionals who offer consultations at popular prices.
Step 6. Find a support group for her
If your friend feels isolated, it might be a good thing for her to have contact with other survivors of sexual violence. Ask if she would like your help in finding a support group. If she agrees, look for an option in your city or online. Your friend can feel supported and relieved if she knows that there are several ways to get help.
Method 3 of 3: Offering Long-Term Help
Step 1. Be patient with your friend
Sexual violence is not something that can be overcome in the blink of an eye. The recovery process is a long one. It's great to provide comfort right away, but don't forget that you need to continue to support her. Understand that, for a while, your friend may be more irritable or isolated, which is normal.
Avoid saying, "Are you still not better?" or "Wow, still that same question?"
Step 2. See if everything is alright often
Your friend may not show any signs that she is still grappling with trauma, but the lack of signs doesn't always mean she's 100% recovered. From time to time, ask her how she is. Send a message and say: “I was thinking about you. Give me a ring if you need to talk, okay?”
Keep calling your friend to do things. Don't assume she doesn't want to have fun anymore. Don't stop asking her out for coffee, walking in the park, or seeing a movie
Step 3. Encourage your friend to take care of herself
Show her you care by sending her reminders not to abandon herself. Many victims of abuse feel ashamed or think they are not worthy of good things. Encourage your friend to do activities she loves and even pamper herself a little.
- For example, suggest a brigadeiro from her favorite bakery.
- Self-care also involves healthy eating and exercise. Encourage your friend to treat each other with affection.
Step 4. Invite her to social events that don't involve alcohol or drugs
Don't exclude your friend from group social events, but understand that, for a while, she may not be comfortable with more people. Make it clear that you can only go out with her if that's the case. Some cool activities you can do are:
- Play bowling, cards or a board game with some friends.
- Have coffee or dinner at a nice restaurant.
- Go for a walk or ride a bike.
- Go to the cinema.
Step 5. Take care of your needs
Supporting a friend is very important, but it's also a drag. You will also have to deal with your own emotions, such as frustration and anxiety, so remember to take it easy. Go out with other friends, don't leave your needs behind and get therapy if you need to.