According to many experts, expressing one's feelings is healthy and necessary. However, there are situations where the best thing to do is to cover them up. You may have romantic feelings for someone who is married, committed, or whose friendship you don't want to lose. Or maybe it's not even romance, but jealousy, anger, sadness, or whatever emotion it's worth hiding. While this is not a viable long-term strategy, nor is it a viable strategy for dealing with intimates, you can use some techniques to hide how you feel if you believe it would be most beneficial to you and others.
Part 1 of 4: Understanding Your Feelings
Step 1. Find out who you want to hide your feelings from
From a friend only? Of many? From everyone? This information will help you choose the best strategy and determine to what extent they should be hidden.
- Hiding them from everyone only works in temporary situations and the consequences are negligible. Anger at having received a parental punishment is quickly overcome and can therefore be hidden from everyone. But anger at, say, being abused by parents will not be overcome until you report them to the authorities, discuss it with friends, and confront them about it (when you are older, and only if you want to keep the relationship. with them).
- Talking to a trusted friend can be helpful. It can help you better organize your confused emotions and analyze your alternatives. Ideally, it should be someone with no ties to the person who is the object of your feelings.
Step 2. Understand that certain feelings must not be repressed
Sometimes the best way is to express how you feel and face the consequences. Certain emotions, when repressed, swell rather than cool, and eventually have to be released sooner or later.
- Reveal that you have romantic feelings for your friend if it has kept you from being kind and present. He has a right to know the truth, and if your friendship is solid enough, you can work around this situation together.
- Most of the time, you cannot run away from hurts or betrayals inflicted by someone you love. If a person has caused you pain, it is your right to let them know. She, on the other hand, has the right to try to repair the wrongdoing. If she cares about you, she'll want to know that you hurt him. And even if you don't mind, it's essential to clarify what happened so that you can move on with life.
Step 3. Understand that feelings are a warning of a deeper problem
Arresting them is not the way out if they indicate you need to get help. In these rare situations, it is imperative to recognize these emotions as a symptom of another problem.
- If you feel an urge to hurt yourself or someone else, get help right away. Self-harm and violent tendencies signal an underlying disorder, and you don't have to live with them! Those who live in Brazil can call 190 or CVV (by number 141). US residents can call emergency services (911) or the National Suicide Prevention Service (1-800-273-8255). Search the internet for the number of emergency services in your country.
- If it's feelings that are inappropriate or conducive to illegal acts-say, sexual attraction to minors or an uncontrollable craving for illegal drugs-seek help from a psychologist or mental health specialist. These ailments are treatable. If you don't have health insurance, ask your general practitioner for a referral.
- A lasting feeling of despair, sadness, or that life has lost its meaning is a sign of depression. Consult a mental health specialist, who will develop a specialist treatment plan. Ask your GP for a psychologist's recommendation.
Part 2 of 4: Hiding Your Lovers' Feelings
Step 1. Avoid being alone with the person
It's easy to get lost in your own little world when you're with your loved one. But to hide this fact, it would be better to avoid being alone with her - a situation in which it will be more difficult for you to hide what you feel.
- Being alone triggers these feelings, creating more opportunities to betray yourself-a hug that takes too long, an accidental touch that causes you to hold the person's hand, an exchange of looks that gives you more than you'd like. Having more people around is a way to avoid these tempting scenarios and curb the growth of your affection.
- If you and this person are always alone, avoid arousing suspicion by gradually transitioning from intimate meetings to press conferences. Assuming you and she are in the habit of drinking after work, arrange the same program with a mutual friend of yours. So when the object of your emotions invites you, you can say that you already have other plans, but that he is invited.
Step 2. Act normally
Don't try to impress or brag. This makes the lack of attention evident, and most people understand what this means.
Likewise, don't strive to do favors for your friend. It's easy to get your hands on helpfulness, since you like the individual in question and care about his or her well-being, but that would make your feelings for him obvious
Step 3. Look at it from new angles
Try to notice flaws and uninteresting or unsexy aspects. It is normal for us to put our loved ones on a pedestal, oblivious to the fact that they are imperfect like any human being.
Think of him as a brother. When a relationship with a loved one is impossible (because they are already engaged, because they are heterosexual and you are gay, etc.) the best way out is to face them from such a perspective that this love is also impossible for you, causing this impossibility is mutual
Step 4. Avoid it if necessary
If feelings grow too much and you feel unable to disguise them, you may need to decrease, or perhaps even cut, your relationship with the person.
Suppose your friend is married or engaged, and you, unable to refrain from romantic pretensions about him, fear that you will act on impulse sooner or later. It would be more desirable, in this case, to break the friendship than to put his marriage at risk
Part 3 of 4: Hiding Your Feelings From Other People
Step 1. Watch what you say
Be flexible when it comes to the subject, especially if you're afraid your friends will tell others what they've discovered if you confess how you feel.
- Be prepared to change the subject or distract yourself when the topic comes up. Have a firm, decisive answer on the tip of your tongue about your feelings, and when asked about them, offer it without too much (and not too little) delay.
- Unusually discreet or agitated behavior is the biggest clue that you're hiding feelings: just hiding them isn't enough - you also need to disguise that you're hiding something! Avoid appearing quieter than usual.
Step 2. Lie if you have to
If you don't want to open the game even if you get questioned directly, you will have to look your inquisitor in the eye and lie. Give a simple and straightforward answer.
Since so many people believe that people are telling the truth when they can maintain eye contact, make use of this feature when offering these short answers
Step 3. Avoid the person
If the anger or sadness is exacerbated and only gets worse in the presence of the person causing it, it may be necessary to withdraw from it for a while.
- In many cases, time alleviates these emotions and it is possible to resume the relationship after this happens.
- However, when you are a victim of disloyalty or abuse, it is best to break the bonds completely.
Part 4 of 4: Dealing With Feelings Healthy
Step 1. Avoid using coping mechanisms
Those who repress their own feelings are tempted to look for outlets that are very common and equally unhealthy, which only makes the problem worse.
- Avoid drugs and alcohol. People who suffer from depression or unrequited love tend to resort to psychoactive substances to deal with the pain, but the sadness intensifies even more when the brain returns to sobriety, which would leave them exposed to addiction and serious consequences for the health.
- Don't fall for the sugar trap. Another outlet for bereaved people is food, especially those that are sugary or rich in carbohydrates, such as ice cream and chocolate, to which the body reacts by creating a fleeting sense of emotional well-being that is followed by a still heartache worse than what was previously felt. Don't fall into this trap!
- Don't look for sex and meaningless relationships. Rejection or unconfessed love prompts sufferers to seek casual sex and empty relationships to fill the feeling of incompleteness, but such relationships do not alleviate the craving for affection and intimacy. Give yourself time to get over the sadness of lost love and get back to normal. You will find someone who will meet both your emotional and physical needs.
Step 2. Release emotions in healthy ways
Instead of coping mechanisms, look for positive ways to express yourself.
- Practice exercises. Using anger and disappointment as an engine to improve your fitness can be a way to distract yourself. Look for a high-intensity activity: boxing, weight lifting or crossfit, for example. Don't go beyond your limits, get enough rest and take all the recommended precautions against injury.
- Learn a new art form. Creativity is a safe and healthy means of emotional expression. Try painting, writing, composing, creating short stories and poems, and even finding a trade such as sewing and carpentry. Even if the art form is not related to the feelings you are trying to hide, it will already be a good distraction and a way to channel your energy into productive activity.
Step 3. Express emotions appropriately
If what led you to hide your emotions was fear that the resulting conflict would get out of hand, it is important to seek out and practice healthy forms of expression so that you are more balanced in your social interactions.
- Your anger shouldn't automatically culminate in a screaming festival. In fact, screaming when you're angry will only make it more difficult to express the reason for your irritation, as well as causing your interlocutor to ignore you. Instead, use your anger to be more assertive and courageous about pleasing someone, but don't lose your reason. Frustration can be a guide to a more rational dialogue that can actually solve the problem rather than create others.
- Express your sadness without feeling guilty about doing it. There are those who think that crying and mourning a loss is childish, inappropriate, even more so in men. But actually allowing yourself to be sad in the face of misfortune is a sign of maturity. And there's nothing wrong with expressing that feeling by crying.
- Expressing yourself prevents the possible negative consequences of repressing feelings, such as hypertension, depression and weight gain.
- This article will be very helpful for anyone looking for healthy ways of emotional expression.
Write a diary. That way you can blurt out the words you'd like to say without anyone else knowing them. Remember to keep it in a safe place, be it physical or virtual, or write it in code (replacing your loved one's name with a code name, for example)
- Avoid the temptation to express hidden feelings on social networks like Twitter and Facebook, where posts would be seen, firsthand or by sharing, by the people you want to hide them from.
- If you feel that social media can help you, try using fake or anonymous accounts. Nobody will know it's you, and it can be a great escape valve!