Many of the decisions we make, whether conscious or unconscious, affect our sense of security. For some people, having security means a stable and pleasant job with a good salary. For others, security can be emotional, like trusting in a relationship or trusting one's body. Learn to make conscious decisions to create a more positive and secure life for yourself, both professionally and personally.
Method 1 of 3: Developing Emotional Security
Step 1. Practice mindfulness
It is a practice where you observe your thoughts and feelings to become more aware of yourself and your surroundings in the present. Research suggests that practicing mindfulness can increase security in yourself and in relationships, making you a more satisfied person with life.
- Breathe consciously. Inhale slowly for five seconds, hold your breath for five seconds, and exhale slowly for five seconds.
- Focus on the present.
- Whenever the mind wanders, return attention to the body and surrounding sensory information.
- Cultivating mindfulness takes a lot of practice and patience. Work on it every day and you will feel happier and more secure in time.
Step 2. Connect with others, as emotional support from people you love and trust can be very reassuring
Make up with those who have fallen out to restore connections and try asking for help or advice from those close to you.
- Reconnecting with an old friend can remind you that there are people who love and care about you.
- A close conversation with someone important to you can strengthen your relationship. Emphasize how much you love and support the person and ask them to do the same for you.
Step 3. Meet your emotional needs
We all have emotional needs that are met through family relationships, romantic relationships and friendships. Each type of connection offers a different type of comfort, security and acceptance. If you are feeling emotionally insecure, it is possible that one of the primary relationships in your life is not meeting your emotional needs.
- Look at your relationships sincerely. Do you ever feel that you are unloved in any of them? Do you feel safe with those close to you or are you always a little insecure?
- If you believe a relationship is causing the insecurity, try talking to the person about how you feel. Think about whether she could do something different and open up about her needs and how they could be met.
Step 4. Learn to trust, as lack of trust causes emotional insecurity
It could be that an old relationship ended badly or that you are simply afraid of abandonment. No matter the reason behind the lack of trust, it must be recognized that it is impossible to live life without trusting others. Just because something has gone wrong in the past does not mean that all relationships will end the same way.
- Find out if the lack of trust in others is not due to a lack of trust in yourself. Many people project the fears and emotions they feel onto others unconsciously. Is it possible that you don't trust your spouse because you doubt yourself?
- Sometimes you don't trust another person because you don't trust your own ability to make smart decisions. If you want to be someone's friend or lover, you have to be willing to take the risk of getting hurt. Trust in yourself and trust that you will know what to do if such a situation arises.
Method 2 of 3: Becoming More Secure With Yourself
Step 1. Stop comparing yourself to others
One of the most damaging things you can do for your self-esteem is to compare yourself to others. You must not compare yourself physically, creatively and intellectually with anyone else.
- Find your own style and recognize its beauty. You are a unique and wonderful individual and comparing yourself to others is a disservice to yourself.
- Remember that you are responsible for your happiness and that personal satisfaction and self-love must come from within. Respect yourself for who you are, not who you want to be.
Step 2. Identify and fix negative thoughts
We all have a set of thoughts that define who we are within the larger context of the world. Many of these thoughts develop early in life, but some may develop (or be "fixed") later. Negative thoughts are built from negative experiences, impossible expectations, and wrong self-assessments.
- Do you believe that some experience in your life has led you to believe that there is something "wrong" with you? Try to identify which parameters you are using as "normal".
- Is it possible to associate a person or an event with negative thoughts you have about yourself? It is wrong to believe that a thought is an absolute truth based only on the opinion of one person or occasion.
- Be honest and ask yourself, "Would I ever say to someone else the things I say about my body, my career, or my life?" If you are unable to say something bad to others, why say it to yourself?
- Analyze the negative thoughts you have about yourself. Have you ever achieved anything remotely positive because of them?
- Create new opportunities for new safe, healthy and positive experiences. Go headlong into situations you used to avoid (provided they're safe) and face challenges to the end rather than abandoning your aspirations.
- Do things that are fun, safe and feel good.
- Be more assertive. There's no need to be bossy, but make your thoughts heard.
Step 3. Recognize and celebrate your strengths
In everyday chaos, it's easy to forget how talented, strong and interesting you are as an individual. If you have low self-esteem, this will be even easier. Take a few moments each day to recognize and put your strengths on paper to see if there is any change in self-esteem.
- Build lists with strengths and achievements. Make a third list of qualities you admire in others that are also present (at any level) in you. Read the lists regularly and try to write new versions from time to time. Keep the old lists and compare them after a few months to see if anything has changed.
- Have a friend or family member write a list of your best attributes. The person should include why they care about you, what makes you unique, and what makes you better than anyone else. Keep the list with you at all times (carry it in your wallet or purse) and read it whenever you feel unwell.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
It's possible that your insecurity stems from you not taking care of yourself much lately. We all have emotional and physical needs, and not meeting them tends to make us feel bad. Take care of yourself on a daily basis and you are likely to feel better.
- Spend time taking care of personal hygiene. Brush your teeth, take showers, comb your hair, shave and trim your nails.
- Maintain a healthy and balanced diet rich in vitamins and nutrients. Avoid unhealthy foods.
- Get more exercise. Find ways to exercise daily, whether walking or cycling. In addition to daily exercise, engage in more vigorous activities three times a week.
- Wear clothes that make you feel good. It doesn't matter if you're more comfortable in tight or baggy clothes, the important thing is to wear clothes that make you more confident.
- Get enough sleep. Adults typically need seven to nine hours of sleep a night.
Step 5. Develop goals
A good way to feel more secure and confident is to achieve goals. Many people get depressed when they don't reach goals, but instead of dwelling on "failures," stop and consider whether the goals you've set are achievable or measurable. Experts recommend that developing specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time-bound goals is the best option for creating a sense of purpose and achievement.
- Specific Objectives: Be clear and simple when defining what you want to do.
- Measurable goals: Create goals that can be measured as this is the only way to measure progress.
- Possible goals: The goals must present a certain challenge, but they still need to be achievable.
- Results-Focused Objectives: You must measure progress by results, not just the activities performed. Don't measure progress by working on the goal, measure it by how much you've accomplished along the way. Count all "small" wins.
- Goals with deadlines: It's important to set a realistic timetable and not expect results overnight. Also be careful not to stretch the schedule too much and end up doing nothing. Set a reasonable and realistic timeframe for the goal.
Step 6. Forgive
Chances are, you've already hurt someone and been hurt. Offenses may be intentional or unintentional, but many people have a hard time forgetting incidents. No matter what you do, you can't undo what you've done, and brooding only makes things worse.
- Recognize that mistakes are an opportunity to grow. You may have hurt someone or been hurt, but the important thing is to learn from the past.
- Instead of mulling over things you wish you could have done differently, recognize what you can do differently now. The present is the only thing that can be changed, as the past cannot be changed and the future does not yet exist.
- Focus on the present and how you can be the best version of yourself.
Step 7. Find things you are grateful for
Take time each day to reflect on the people and circumstances that have made your life the way it is today. Obviously not everything is good all the time, but chances are you've experienced fantastic events and met inspiring people. Recognize that you wouldn't be who you are today if people didn't love you as they did and if you were born in other circumstances.
- No life is perfect all the time. In fact, many people suffer for a lifetime. No matter how difficult things get, remember that they are worse for many people who possibly admire the life you lead.
- Be grateful for the people who love you and taught you to love. Think how sad life would be without love.
- Give value to small things. Watch the sunrise and be grateful that you've lived another day - not many people can say the same about today.
Method 3 of 3: Achieving Financial Security
Step 1. Decide what you want to achieve
What is financial security for you? If your answer is "Be rich," your dream may not be very realistic. If security means paying off debt and saving money for your child's college or retirement, you have realistic goals that can be achieved.
- Having a specific idea of what you want and why you're saving will help keep you motivated and on track.
- Once you've set a financial goal, talk to an expert to find ways to invest or save your money.
Step 2. Analyze your current financial situation
If you want to feel emotionally secure, you need to assess your current situation and determine if you need to change anything. Examine your finances, including savings and expenses.
- Take income and savings into account.
- Make a record of daily, weekly and monthly expenses. Take a small diary with you and write down all expenses, including purchases and bills. Record the date and time of each expense; if possible, also include how you felt during the purchase.
- Analyze your spending patterns. Do you buy things when you are sad or stressed? Do you buy unnecessary items or items that could be found at lower prices at other outlets on impulse?
- Be careful not to spend more than you earn. Over time, you will fall into debt and it will be difficult to recover your finances.
- Find out how to reduce expenses. It is not necessary to deprive yourself of everything that makes you happy, but it is necessary to set limits. Don't go shopping whenever you feel like it and don't buy things you don't need.
Step 3. Reduce expenses
Some expenses cannot be avoided, such as rent and market purchases. Even so, it is possible to spend less by shopping smartly and avoiding unnecessary expenses.
- Make a list before you go shopping and stick to it.
- Buy generic, discount or wholesale items whenever possible. You will save a lot for the same product.
- Try second-hand products whenever possible.
- Compare prices before buying. By searching websites and newspapers, you can find the same product for a lower price elsewhere.
- Prepare meals at home. Avoid eating out and bring a thermos of coffee to the service. The money saved can be saved or applied to other expenses.
- Look for cheap entertainment alternatives. You can find free or relatively cheap movies (through legal streaming sites) or borrow them from public libraries.
- Do not leave the heater or air conditioner on when you are not at home or when you are sleeping. If you have pets at home, remember them and adjust the temperature in the house even when you're out.
- Do not use credit card or parcel purchases. Save until you can buy something and avoid stress (and debt) in the process.
Step 4. Increase your income
If you work part-time, look for another part-time job or a full-time job. Even those who already work full time can find some odd jobs to earn extra money. If you can pay the bills with your current salary, the second job can be used to save money.
- Keep an eye on newspaper classifieds and job sites.
- Find simple services that don't interfere with your daily schedule. You'll likely find freelance jobs that don't take a lot of time.
Step 5. Set up a savings account
There's nothing wrong with taking a while to save money. Many people have to work hard and plan hard for this, but the rewards of financial security are worth it. A savings account is a good way to start: go slowly, setting aside R$50 each month. Over time, monthly deposits will become a substantial savings.
- Many banks allow you to set up an automatic transfer of a portion of your paycheck to a savings account.
- Some banks offer a program in which small purchases are rounded off and the differences deposited in savings. This is a great way to build a savings account without even noticing a difference in your pocket.
- Avoid taking money from savings, except in emergencies. If you can wait for the next payment to make a purchase, do so and leave your savings untouched.
- Never let others belittle you.
- If you feel life is too difficult, don't hold the feelings: release them. Write about them, talk to a friend, or visit a psychologist.
- Sleep well, eat healthy and exercise. Taking care of yourself is the first step to feeling better and more secure.
- Find positive role models and try to be inspired by people you admire. Don't betray your identity: find ways to incorporate the aspects you admire in others into your own personality.
- Remember that difficult times come and go, but in the end, everything passes. Take comfort in the people who care about you and know that everything will be okay.
- If you can't bear your insecurities, ask for help. Talk to a therapist to find ways to deal with stress and build personal security.
- Having a negative self-image is very harmful.