Regardless of whether it's Anderson Silva, Ronaldinho, or someone who is simply out of luck, anyone can come back on top if they put their mind to it. No one said it's going to be easy, but if you plan on solving your past mistakes and fighting for the life you want, you're on your way to being the person you want, no matter what. Don't let anyone who doubts you crush your spirits, or think it's impossible to succeed in your position. If in doubt, remember that everyone loves a good comeback. See Step 1 to walk the path of change.
Method 1 of 2: Planning the Back Up
Step 1. Face what went wrong
Write down everything that went wrong so it can be put in your face in black and white. Be honest about what really happened instead of making excuses. Sometimes it's harder to face a situation that was out of your control than something that was caused by your own procrastination or bad decisions. Other people find it difficult to accept that they have contributed to or directly caused a disaster. A comeback starts with your own need.
Of course, not everything that went wrong in your life is your fault. Perhaps you've given in to a drug addiction or acted wrongly in a relationship, but it may also be true that you didn't grow up in a “collaborative” environment or simply fell victim to sheer bad luck. Don't blame yourself for things that are not under your control and learn to accept the mishaps and work against them, rather than using them as an excuse for your current situation
Step 2. Learn from what went wrong
Even if it was just bad luck, there are always ways to ease losses if you reassess the situation. If you didn't pass a college test, what was the problem? Did you get distracted or didn't study the subject? Did you study too much, froze during the test and forgot everything because of anxiety? Was there a bigger distraction in your life, like ending an old relationship?
Ask yourself these questions without judging the answers. You are not looking for excuses to blame other people; give it up right away. This is the last option – when it was someone else's fault. If that's the case, then you must reassess your priorities and that relationship. Did a friend, relative or partner interrupt your studies demanding attention? How can you learn to stay on the edge so that doesn't happen the next time exams start?
Step 3. See if you should reconsider your goals
While this may seem like an extreme idea, it can be helpful to reconsider where you want to go in life before planning your comeback. For example, is going to college important to a career in which you will be happier? Wouldn't you be better off with shorter specific training at a technical school? If you are a physically active person, you might be happier doing something with visible results; academic life or office work may not be as good choices as working in construction or as an electrician, air-cooling technician, plumber, etc.
Change your approach. Your triumphant return doesn't have to be in the same direction as what went wrong before. Life is made up of trial, success or error (not failure). This means that failed attempts are just that, just like studying medicine or law was not for you. If you went to law school out of political passion, maybe activism, campaign advice or lobbying are better choices for achieving your long-term goals
Step 4. Ask yourself what you can do about what went wrong
What changes can you make in your life that will reduce the chances of this happening again. If it was a natural disaster, you can buy emergency supplies and keep them more affordable, and if it happens again, you'll have what you need on hand. If it was the loss of a job or a relationship, find out what you can do to prevent it from happening again in your next job or relationship.
Maybe one of the things that went wrong was people or situations that put you down. Re-evaluate your relationships and see if there are any friendships or toxic relationships that are keeping you from being the person you want to be. If that's the case, you may need to cut the ties
Step 5. Decide your priorities and choose your goals
Once you know what went wrong and why, it's time to start mapping your return. The map is not the terrain. Your plans can change as you follow them, you'll encounter obstacles, tread paths of luck, and have opportunities no matter which direction you take. If you know what you want and understand more or less how to get it, it's easier to set short-term goals to get where you want to go.
- Don't worry if you don't have a perfect ten-step plan for your success. It can be something more difficult to delineate, like “Find my true calling” or “Love me more”. Simply start with the steps you know will improve the situation. As you walk your way back up, you'll get a better sense of what you really need to be successful.
- The most important thing is that you act. While the saying “actions are worth more than words” may sound cliché, it is absolutely true. You can say that you're going to turn around all you want, but until you take the first step, your words mean nothing.
Step 6. Talk about your plans with a friend or relative who will help you
Talking to someone who is not part of the situation is better. Especially someone who has been through a similar problem. Almost repeating a year at school can be nerve-racking. Talk to older students who have faced the same difficulties you faced and listen to their strategies. If it was a breakup, find out how others think you behaved and how your partner did it - there may be some surprises. Your friends may have anticipated your problem long before it happened.
- Talking to someone who really cares about you will help you feel that you can really make a comeback and can still yield good advice along the way.
- Talking to others about your plans will also help make them more likely to be achieved. If you really tell people that you want to change their life, it's more likely to happen because you will become responsible in their eyes. That way, you'll disappoint yourself and everyone who cares if you don't move forward.
Step 7. Make some resolutions
They must naturally follow the first steps. Make time in your life for these resolutions, perhaps setting aside a few nights a week to stay home with the books. Sometimes simple decisions and willpower work. Other times you need to rearrange your life to keep your decisions. If you close your computer chat while studying, you won't be dragged into long conversations with your friends until study time is over. Your comeback can be planned in baby steps. You won't get over it in a day, but making gradual changes in your life will lead to success for sure.
One of the best ways to maintain your willpower is to reward yourself for any success, even the smallest one. Every time you study, mark it on a scoreboard. Tracking success in small, recognized and rewarded steps is one of the best ways to accomplish anything. Think about how a game is structured – how many points you get after how much effort and playing time. If you structure your rewards at the same pace as your favorite immersion game, it can have the same effect on changing your habits
Step 8. Give up bad habits
You have reasons and they are real for all your bad habits. Understanding the needs and desires these bad habits fulfill can be the key to turning them into good habits. Your favorite video game may be more emotionally rewarding because it gives more pleasures (dots, victory screens) than studying. Updating your score with hours of study, making real-life rewards easier to achieve than in-game, can help reverse this. If you eat too much to comfort yourself and end up overweight, think about other things that comfort you and use them.
Every bad habit fills a real need, so your job is to figure out ways to fill those needs without hurting yourself or others, in ways that help you reach your goals rather than slow you down
Step 9. Find people who will help you through this
Parents and good friends are generally a good bet. But remember not to resort to whoever put you in this situation! Give less time and attention to the people who pull you back. Getting mad at them is giving them time and attention; it is better to use the energy of that anger to strengthen yourself than to confront them. Whenever you reach a goal on your list, you can tell them how good it feels to take the next step.
Of course there will be some setbacks along your journey, but that's natural. That's why it helps to have people to talk to about your plans, for better or for worse
Step 10. Keep your head up and refuse to believe anyone who doubts your ability to recover
You may. You are the only one who can create your triumphant comeback. You've had successes before, you know you can. The more honest with yourself, the easier it will be to choose a new direction. The best path is one that brings joy to the journey, when it's true passion that spurs the effort, when the process is so much fun that you would do it even if you didn't have a goal.
As you work towards your goals, remember to enjoy the trip. Don't see it as a fight, but as an exciting adventure filled with ups and downs, but which will ultimately take you where you should go
Method 2 of 2: Staying Strong
Step 1. Keep a positive attitude
It's important to maintain a good mood and energy as you get your bearings. Although this seems impossible, especially if you are coming from a very bad situation; the more you work hard to face everyday life with a smile on your face and not complain, the more likely you are to have what you need. Instead, talk about the good things in life, like what you're looking for. While it's okay to complain from time to time, holding on to the negative aspects of your life will only make them harder to overcome.
Spending time with happy, relaxed people helps keep a positive attitude. If you spend your time with someone who sees only the worst in every situation, you have a good chance of feeling the same way
Step 2. Keep your self-confidence
Of course, it's easy to feel down when you have to rebuild your entire life, but you have to remember the things you love about yourself rather than the things you need to improve; while it's important to recognize your mistakes and work on them when possible, it's also important to remember all the reasons you love yourself and all the things that make you great. Make a list of all your positive traits and subjects you have mastered. Work to make this list bigger and bigger with your words and deeds.
- One way to increase self-confidence is to do things you know about. Nothing will make you feel better than fulfilling your commitments with excellence.
- While this can take a long time, it doesn't hurt to project self-confidence even when you're not feeling confident. Stand up straight, with your head held high, and look straight ahead, not at the floor; your hands should be at your sides and you should be open to possibilities rather than close against new interactions. The more you "fake" it, the more you will feel that way.
Step 3. Be responsible
It's important to take responsibility for your actions and mistakes in the past that brought you to where you are today. Once you admit and recognize where you went wrong, you'll be able to move on faster. If you insist on blaming the world for 100% of your problems, then you won't realize you have ways to solve them. If you are responsible for the negative aspects of your life, then you feel responsible for your achievements and your positive goals.
Step 4. Don't be too hard on yourself
While it's important to take responsibility, it's just as important to treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes and you shouldn't think you're a loser just because you went down the wrong path. Treat yourself with sympathy, kindness and compassion and you will find it much easier to move on. If you give up on yourself, it will be virtually impossible to feel confident and positive, which will prevent you from reaching your goals.
Being self-critical is not the same as blaming yourself. Reviews are positive – it's looking at why you're doing what you do and seeing if something else would work. It's understanding the problem. Blaming yourself is just meaningless self-torture, you're already suffering and it won't motivate you to do anything different. Blaming yourself or others will lead to a vicious circle where everything can happen again; if it's happened before, it can happen again, so pay attention to this possibility
Step 5. Apologize to everyone you hurt
It's important to fix old mistakes before you can really move forward. Think of everyone you might have wronged or hurt during your worst times. Make an effort to apologize to these people, in person or in writing, and let them know how much you regret what happened. They may not completely forgive or even believe you're actually going to change until you've proven them wrong, but that's a step towards changing things for the better.
It will be harder for you to move forward if the guilt of having hurt others is weighing on you. While it's hard to sort out the past at once, apologizing to those you've wronged is already a step in the right direction and will make you feel stronger
Step 6. Help others
You may feel that you can't help others because your life is upside down, but if you're ready to get up and stay upright, take a minute and look to the side. There may be someone who needs help, perhaps a friend going through something even worse than you, or a lonely neighbor and even an adult who needs help learning to read. There are several options.
Helping others will not only make a difference in their lives, it will also make you see that you have a lot to offer your community and the world
Step 7. Take it over to yourself and confront what you've lost
It takes courage to do so, but the sense of freedom gained from facing and overcoming a problem is incredible. As you do, you begin to realize what's really important in life and take better care of what's important. This kind of attitude will make you return to the right path.
- Remember that everyone makes mistakes. Einstein was expelled from school!
- You will always have difficult days, see them as experiences.
- What doesn't kill, strengthens.
- Watch some inspiring movies. “In Pursuit of Happiness” always convinces me that anything is possible!