5 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself with Others

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5 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself with Others
5 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself with Others

In today's world, our obsession with perfection makes it very difficult not to compare ourselves with others. When we begin to analyze our achievements and accomplishments, we can demand even more of ourselves. Comparing and even envious of other people is natural, but if you're obsessed with your own shortcomings instead of focusing on the areas you excel at, you're focusing on the wrong thing. These comparisons can hurt you and even prevent you from taking the reins in many aspects of life. Constant comparison with others lowers self-esteem and makes a person feel bad about themselves. Resist the temptation to compare yourself with others by becoming aware of how you see yourself. Set personal goals to build self-confidence and relearn behaviors that will improve your opinion of yourself.


Method 1 of 5: Finding the Root of Comparative Behavior

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Step 1

Step 1. Pay attention to how you see yourself

The first step in the process of transforming the way we see ourselves is to become aware of the thoughts we have about ourselves. Without doing this, you may not be aware of an underlying problem. When you decide to take on the difficult task of breaking your thought patterns, it's good to have someone by your side to support you through the process. However, when you become fully aware of the behavior you want to change, it will be easier to break that task down into achievable goals.

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Step 2. Assess your self-esteem

Self-esteem can be described as the positive or negative opinions someone has about themselves. We all have good days and bad days, and the way we think about ourselves changes daily, several times a day, to reflect our circumstances. Self-esteem can also be understood as a stable personality trait that develops throughout life.

Do you have a great opinion of yourself? Or do you allow others to control how you feel about yourself? If you find yourself looking to others to find out your level of self-esteem, this is a sign that you need to work on your own happiness

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Step 3. Identify comparative behaviors

These behaviors occur when we compare ourselves to other people, whether they are higher or lower than us. We usually compare the positive or negative characteristics of these people with our own characteristics. Occasionally, social comparisons can be beneficial, but negative comparative behaviors can damage our self-esteem.

  • An example of positive behavior is comparing yourself to someone whose qualities you admire. Rather than envying this person's good qualities (she feels compassion for others, for example), you can strive to become someone more supportive.
  • An example of negative behavior is comparing yourself to someone who has something you want to have. For example, maybe you are jealous of this person's new car.
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Step 4. Put the comparative thoughts or feelings on paper

Write down all your attitudes that result directly from the comparison with others. If possible, do this immediately after having the thought or recalling it. That way, it will still be fresh in your mind and you're more likely to be able to be descriptive.

Think about how you feel about the comparison and write down all the thoughts and feelings that come to mind. For example, maybe you feel depressed because you're jealous of someone's new car and you still drive the same old car

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Step 5. Try to find out when the comparative behavior started

Try writing about a time in your life when you can't remember comparing yourself to others, and start your journal from there. Eventually, you will be able to recall the origin of these comparison thoughts.

  • For example, you might remember your childhood, when you still didn't compare yourself to your brother, and you realize that you started comparing yourself to him because you felt neglected. Now you can begin to explore the cause of comparative behavior.
  • One of the most difficult aspects of comparative behavior is realizing the negative impact it has on us. It will be much easier to change this behavior if you trace the source of the comparison and recognize how it affects you.

Method 2 of 5: Valuing What You Have

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Step 1. Focus on what you have

When you realize that comparing yourself with others is harmful, you will look for additional ways to measure your own success. In addition, you will shift your focus from others to yourself if you begin to feel and express gratitude for your own talents.

Spend more time focusing on the good and the positive in life. Maybe you start seeing more good things when you're not so busy comparing yourself to others

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Step 2. Keep a gratitude journal

This is a way to remember everything you have, and it will help you pay more attention to the things you may not have valued. Thus, you will be able to value them from now on. Think of many happy memories, like things you've done, places you've visited, friends you've spent time with, anything that makes you as happy as possible. Focus on being grateful for all these things.

  • A gratitude journal can increase your chances of success. However, if you write just for the sake of writing, with no real motivation, it can work against your progress. You must force yourself to see the things you didn't appreciate and be grateful for them. Make the decision to recognize the extent of your gratitude and improve your life.
  • Write meticulously. Instead of simply creating a list similar to a shopping list, come up with a thorough explanation of a few things you're grateful for.
  • Write about surprises or unexpected situations. This will give you the opportunity to relish the good feelings you experienced.
  • You don't need to write daily. On the contrary, writing twice a week can be more beneficial than doing it every day.
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Step 3. Be kind to yourself

By being kinder and less hard on yourself, you will encourage yourself to go further and try harder.

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Step 4. Understand that you are in control of your life

Resisting the urge to compare yourself with others is difficult, but in the end, you are the one who controls your life. You are responsible for the choices that will guide your life in a certain direction, and you must make the best decisions for yourself, not anyone else.

What others have or do doesn't matter, you are the only person in your life that matters

Method 3 of 5: Eliminating or Replacing Comparative Thoughts

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Step 1. Understand the process of transforming behaviors and thoughts

According to the Transtheoretical Model of Change, we go through some phases until we become aware of a certain situation. Individuals go through a process that culminates in the acceptance of new behaviors. The stages of this process include:

  • pre-contemplation: at this stage, the individual is not yet ready to change. Often this is because he has little or no information about the subject at hand.
  • Contemplation: At this stage, the individual considers making a change. He begins to weigh the positive angles of change, even though he is aware of the negative sides.
  • Preparation: here, he has already made the decision to change and has already started to make plans to put the change into practice.
  • Action: during this phase, he makes efforts to change his own behavior, such as reducing or increasing certain activities.
  • Maintenance: This stage involves maintaining a level of activity to ensure that the behavior in question remains altered.
  • Termination: In this, the behavior was changed in such a way that the individual no longer suffers from relapses, even under the effects of stress, depression, anxiety or other emotional states.
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Step 2. Understand that idealizing someone is not a realistic attitude

We focus only on certain aspects of the idealized person, turning him into a grandiose fantasy created by our mind. We only look at the features we idealize and reject those we don't find attractive.

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Step 3. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones

When we compare ourselves with others, we may end up seeing ourselves negatively. If you cultivate negative ideas about yourself, start turning them into thoughts about things you admire about yourself.

For example, instead of envying the talents of someone who can write very well, think about your own talents. Say to yourself, "Maybe I'm not the best writer in the world, but I can draw really well. Plus, I can work on improving my writing if I want to achieve that goal, rather than envying someone else's talent."

Method 4 of 5: Achieving Your Goals

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Step 1. Define your goals

Achieving your goals will help you establish your own life and experiences, regardless of others' expectations. Start by setting a goal.

If you want to run a marathon, set this as a goal. You will be able to assess your initial state (for example, get a sense of how far you can walk before starting any type of training)

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Step 2. Track your progress

Once you've set a personal goal, track your progress so you can get an idea of ​​how far you're progressing toward your goal. This will help you focus on yourself and not others.

  • Follow your own pace. When monitoring your progress, take your unique situation into account. For example, if you're taking longer to get a graduate degree than some of your friends, you might want to think about how you too are working full-time, raising a family, or caring for your aging parents. We all face unique situations that facilitate or restrict our progress, so think about your circumstances as you move along.
  • You can monitor how much you improve each week if you're training for a marathon. Every week, increase the distance traveled a little, until you reach the 40 km mark. Also, speed will increase along with distance. Graph your own progress to see how much you've achieved and how far you need to go.
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Step 3. Strive to improve your own skills

Participate in courses, workshops and classes to improve your techniques and skills, if there are any areas you would like to improve. This will increase your self-confidence and help you to know your worth and find your place in the world.

It is important to recognize that perfectionism is an unproductive mindset in which a person maintains an unrealistic ideal as a standard for success. Accept that everyone's circumstances are entirely unique and that you can hone your own skills to be happy

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Step 4. Be your own competitor

Many high-ranking athletes and actors claim to compete against themselves as they are constantly trying to beat their own personal record. This is a good way to boost your self-esteem as you will reach higher and higher goals. When an athlete wants to be the best at their sport, they are encouraged to set personal goals and strive to run faster and improve their skills.

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Step 5. Judge yourself based on your own standards

When you learn to measure yourself by your own standards, you will stop comparing yourself to others. This practice ends the feeling of competition because other people's expectations are not the same as yours. You will be in control of the results if you recognize your own ability to build the life you want for yourself. Judge yourself using your own standards, not anyone else's.

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Step 6. Admire others rather than envy them

Think about the advantages other people have to offer you. If you have extremely successful friends, consider how their social circles are full of people who can help you be more successful in life. Instead of envying others' success, use it to your advantage.

For example, you may be used to looking at photos of athletes and admiring their physical fitness. Instead of feeling inferior and envious, use these images as a source of motivation to make changes in your life. You might decide to adopt new eating habits and engage in more physical activity. That way you would be using the photographs productively

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Step 7. Take occasional risks

When you learn to judge yourself based on your own standards, you will feel freer to start taking small, gradual risks that will allow you to grow even more as a human being. Often, the fear of taking risks prevents us from doing our best. We become hostages to fear and cannot go beyond the expectations of others.

Start by taking small steps, this will help you develop self-confidence in your abilities

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Step 8. Build a support network

When we surround ourselves with supportive people, we gain a better sense of ourselves.

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Step 9. Be your own coach

Good training comes in many forms: there are coaches who scream and humiliate their players, and there are those who insist on perfection, requiring athletes to run faster, jump higher or swim more laps, but always providing love and support at the same time.. A coach who teaches with love will help create a more balanced human being overall.

Think of yourself as your own coach and guide yourself toward excellence. Feel love and admiration for your efforts, so you can achieve the goals you set for yourself, raising your self-esteem rather than destroying it

Method 5 of 5: Using the Media Responsibly

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Step 1. Expose yourself less to media and social media

If idealistic media representations affect your self-esteem negatively, decreasing exposure to media and social media is a good idea. Limit the time you spend on social media, or eliminate it altogether. Delete or disable your social media profiles.

If you don't want to deactivate or delete your Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account, limit the time you spend every day, or every week, checking your profiles. For example, stick to ten minutes a day or 30 minutes a week, but be careful because even minimal amounts of exposure can be responsible for negative comparative thinking

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Step 2. Avoid media that feature idealized images

Stay away from fashion magazines, reality shows, certain movies and music, etc. If you're always comparing yourself to a certain model or athlete, avoid magazines, television shows, or games in which he appears.

Studies show that even temporary exposure to media that portray idealized images can have a negative impact on our self-esteem and self-image. This can even cause you to brood on negative thoughts and experience symptoms of depression

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Step 3. Start thinking realistically

The idealized images of the media cannot always be avoided, so be careful if you are comparing yourself to them. Think about the reality of seemingly perfect people or things.

  • For example, if you envy the perfect relationship a friend has with his wife, remember how difficult it was for him to find her and all the challenges he may have faced in the past. In this way, empathy will take the place of envy.
  • When you see someone with the body, car, or life you want so much, try to think of actions you can take to move closer to those goals and write those measurements down on a piece of paper.
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Step 4. Use social media positively in ways that enrich your life

Follow educational, informative or inspiring pages. If you want to be professionally successful, follow entrepreneurs' pages. If you want to achieve better physical condition, follow fitness and healthy diet pages. If you want to improve your mind and personality, try following pages related to the brain and psychology.


  • Don't be afraid to put yourself first, take care of yourself.If you're always trying to please others, read How to Stop Being Submissive and How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.
  • Comparing yourself to others is a very common bad habit and it may take some time for you to change. Do not give up.


  • Also, don't let other people compare you to others.
  • Avoid getting too stressed or anxious, such feelings can negatively affect our self-esteem.

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