Self-confidence – a combination of self-efficacy and self-esteem – is an essential part of humanity. Self-efficacy is the sense or inner belief that we can accomplish different tasks or goals throughout life. Self-esteem is similar, but it is more related to the belief that we are generally competent at what we do and that we deserve to be happy. A self-confident person likes himself, is willing to take risks to achieve personal and professional goals, and thinks positively about the future. On the other hand, a person who lacks self-confidence often feels that he is not able to achieve his goals and tends to have a negative point of view about himself and what he hopes to achieve in life. The good news is that you can build self-confidence on your own! Keep reading to find out how.
Part 1 of 4: Cultivating a Positive Attitude
Step 1. Identify negative thoughts
They may sound something like: "I can't do this", "I'm definitely going to fail", "Nobody wants to hear what I have to say". This inner voice is pessimistic and useless because it prevents you from increasing your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Step 2. Turn negative thoughts into positive ones. As you identify negative thoughts, turn them into positive thoughts. You can do this through positive affirmations such as "I will try", "I can be successful if I try", or "People will listen to what I have to say". Start with just a few thoughts a day.
Step 3. Refuse to let negative thoughts occur more often than positive ones
Eventually, positive thoughts should take up more "brain space" than negative ones. The more you fight the negative mindset with positivity, the more natural this habit will become.
Step 4. Maintain a positive support network
To keep your spirits up, connect with people close to you, whether they are family or friends. Also, stay away from people or things that make you feel bad.
- A person you consider a friend may actually make you feel bad if they are constantly making negative comments or criticizing you.
- Even a family member who offers well-meaning opinions about what you "should" do can be detrimental to your self-confidence.
- As you cultivate a positive attitude and take steps to achieve your goals, these opponents can become more evident. Limit your contact with them as much as possible during your self-confidence building process.
- Take some time to think about which people really make you feel good. Set a goal to spend more time with people who support and encourage you.
Step 5. Eliminate negativity reminders
Avoid spending time surrounded by things that might make you feel bad about yourself. They can be reminders of the past, clothes that no longer fit, or places that don't match your new goal of gaining self-confidence. While you may not be able to rid yourself of all of life's sources of negativity, you can still lessen their impact. This will help you go a long way in building self-confidence.
Sit for a moment and think about all the things that are putting you off, like mean friends, a career that doesn't make you happy, or an unbearable life situation
Step 6. Identify your talents
Everyone is good at something, so find the things you excel at by focusing on your talents. Allow yourself to be proud of them. Express yourself, whether through art, music, writing or dance. Find something you like and cultivate a talent related to that interest.
- Adding a variety of interests or hobbies to life will make you more confident and increase your chances of finding friends with similar tastes and values.
- Following your passion has a therapeutic effect and makes you feel unique and fulfilled. All of this helps to develop self-confidence.
Step 7. Be proud of yourself
Not only should you be proud of your talents or abilities, you should also think about what makes your personality special. Maybe it's your sense of humor, a sense of compassion, the ability to listen or handle stress. You may think that there is nothing to admire about her personality, but if you look closely, you will find several admirable qualities. Focus on them by writing them down in a notebook.
Step 8. Receive compliments gracefully.
Many people with low self-esteem find it difficult to accept praise. They assume that the person who gave the compliment is wrong or lying. If you respond to a compliment by looking up and saying, "Yes, of course" or shrugging, you must rephrase that response.
- Accept the compliment and respond positively (saying “thank you” and smiling works great). Let the person know that you appreciate the compliment, and strive to reach a point where you will be able to accept it wholeheartedly.
- You can add praise to the list of positive traits about yourself and use it to build self-confidence.
Step 9. Look in the mirror and smile
Scientific studies of "facial feedback theory" suggest that facial expressions can encourage the brain to register or intensify certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you can feel happier about yourself and more confident in the long run. This will also help you feel happier about your appearance by accepting it.
Others are likely to smile back, so in addition to feeling happier about yourself, you may also get a boost of self-confidence from the positive response of others
Part 2 of 4: Dealing with Emotions
Step 1. Get comfortable with fear
Perhaps you think that self-confident people are never afraid. This is not true. Fear means that someone is about to grow as a person, just get over it. Maybe you're afraid to speak in public, introduce yourself to someone you don't know, or ask for a raise at work.
- When you are able to confront the fear, you will gain self-confidence and you will immediately feel more excited!
- Imagine a baby learning to walk. So many possibilities await him, but he is afraid of falling when he takes his first steps. When he defeats the fear and starts walking, he opens a huge smile on his face! That's you, leaving fears behind.
Step 2. Be patient with yourself
Sometimes you need to step back to take two steps forward. Building self-confidence doesn't happen overnight. Maybe you try something new, but you can't reach that goal. If possible, note what lessons this experience has given you. Not reaching a goal on the first try is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Self-confidence needs to be nurtured and nurtured, a little bit at a time.
For example, maybe you ask for a raise in work and get no for an answer. What lessons can you learn from this? Reflect on how you acted at that time. Is there anything you could have done differently?
Step 3. Strive to find a balance
Like everything else in life, building self-confidence requires balance. Low self-confidence can keep you from reaching your goals and feeling good about yourself. On the other hand, it's important to be realistic - you shouldn't underestimate the time and effort required to achieve your goals.
Step 4. Stop comparing yourself to others
If you want to build self-confidence, you should focus on improving your own life, not making it the life of your best friend, big brother, or the celebrities you see on television. To develop self-confidence, you need to accept that there will always be someone prettier, smarter, and richer, just as there will always be someone less attractive, less intelligent, and less wealthy than you. All this is irrelevant, the important thing is to be concerned with the pursuit of your own dreams and goals.
- Perhaps you lack self-confidence because you are convinced that everyone is better than you. However, in the end, the only thing that matters is being happy according to your own criteria. If you have no idea what these criteria are, it's time to do some soul searching before moving on.
- Furthermore, studies have found that time spent on social media often encourages people to compare themselves with others. As everyone tends to post only triumphs and not the realities of daily life on social media, other people's lives can seem much more incredible than ours. This is probably not true! Everyone's life has its ups and downs.
Step 5. Acknowledge the insecurities. What does the little voice inside your head say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed about yourself? Many things can cause this feeling, such as pimples, regrets, classmates, a traumatic past, or a negative experience. Identify, name, and write down all the things that make you feel unworthy, embarrassed, or inferior. You can then rip or burn the paper to feel better about these aspects.
The purpose of this exercise is not to make you feel bad. Its purpose is to make you aware of the problems you are dealing with and give you the strength to overcome them
Step 6. Learn from mistakes
Remember that nobody is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in life, we may feel that we are missing something. This is our reality. Accept that life's road is full of potholes and that these feelings of insecurity often come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, our state of mind or our emotions. In other words, these feelings are not constant. If you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it, apologize, and make a plan not to repeat it in the future.
Don't let one wrong step make you think you don't have what it takes to achieve your dreams. Maybe you weren't a great boyfriend and that's why the relationship ended. That doesn't mean you won't be able to change your behavior and find new love in the future
Step 7. Avoid perfectionism.
Perfectionism paralyzes you and prevents you from achieving your goals. If you feel that everything must be done perfectly, you will never be truly happy with yourself or your circumstances. Strive to learn to take pride in a job well done, rather than wanting everything to be absolutely perfect. If you have the mindset of a perfectionist, you will be sabotaging your quest for self-confidence.
Step 8. Practice gratitude.
Often, the origin of insecurity and lack of confidence lies in the feeling of not having enough of something, such as emotional validation, material possessions, luck or money. By recognizing and appreciating what you have, you can combat the feeling of dissatisfaction and that something is missing. Finding the inner peace that accompanies true gratitude will do wonders for self-confidence. Sit for a moment and think about all the things you're grateful for, from wonderful friends to perfect health.
Sit down and write a gratitude list, writing down all the things you are grateful for. Read through the list and add new items at least once a week to gain a stronger, more positive mindset
Part 3 of 4: Taking care of yourself
Step 1. Take care of yourself
This involves several small steps. One is maintaining personal appearance, such as taking a shower every day, brushing teeth, flossing, and eating healthy, tasty foods. It also involves creating time for ourselves, even when we are very busy and when others monopolize much of our day.
- It may not seem like it, but when you take care of basic needs, you are telling yourself that you deserve the time and attention to take care of yourself.
- When you start to believe in yourself, you will be on your way to building self-confidence.
Step 2. Take care of your physical appearance
You don't have to look like Brad Pitt to start building self-confidence. If you want to feel better about yourself and your appearance, take care of yourself by showering daily, brushing your teeth, wearing clothes that suit you and your body type, and dedicating enough time to look after your look. This doesn't mean that superficial looks or styles will make you feel more confident, but that making the effort to take care of your appearance will send the message that you're worth it.
Step 3. Exercise regularly. Physical activity is part of personal care. For you, this might mean a walk, for someone else it might mean a 50-mile bike ride. Start where you are right now. Exercise doesn't have to be complicated.
Many studies show that physical activity is essential for a more positive outlook on life, and a positive attitude contributes to the development of self-confidence
Step 4. Sleep well. Seven to nine hours of deep sleep every night can help you look and feel better. Sleep helps you have more energy and a more positive attitude. Getting enough sleep also helps you control your emotions and deal with stress more effectively.
Part 4 of 4: Setting Goals and Taking Risks
Step 1. set goals small and possible.
Often, people set unrealistic or unattainable goals and end up suffocated by the challenge, or never start chasing them. This is a very big hurdle in developing self-confidence.
- Gradually adjust these small goals, turning them into bigger, achievable goals.
- Imagine that you want to run a marathon, but are afraid you won't be able to reach that goal. Do not attempt to run 40 kilometers on the first day of training. Start where you are. If you've never run before, set your goal to run only two kilometers. If you can run eight kilometers with ease, start with ten.
- For example, if you have a messy desk, cleaning the desk all at once might seem like a very difficult task. Just start by removing the books and putting them back on the shelf. Even putting all the papers in a pile to be organized later is a step towards meeting the goal of clearing the table.
Step 2. Accept the unknown
People who lack self-confidence are afraid that they will never succeed in unpredictable situations. Well, it's time to stop doubting yourself and try something completely new, unknown and different. Whether you're traveling to a new country with friends or letting a cousin set you up on a blind date, getting into the habit of accepting the unknown can help you become more comfortable in your own skin and feel in control. of your destiny - or rather, that there is no problem with not being in control. If you find that you can succeed in a situation you never anticipated, your confidence will increase exponentially.
Spend more time with adventurous and spontaneous people. Because of this, you will soon end up doing something unexpected and feeling better about yourself
Step 3. Address the aspects you need to improve
There may be some things you don't like about yourself that just can't be changed, like your height or the texture of your hair. However, there are likely to be many things that you see as weaknesses that can be fixed with a little dedication and hard work.
- Whether you want to be more sociable or perform better in school, create and follow a plan to achieve that goal. Although you may not end up being the most popular kid in school or the best student in your class, a plan to change for the better can help you go a long way in building self-confidence.
- Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't try to change absolutely everything about yourself. Start with just one or two things you'd like to change and work from there.
- Keeping a journal where you record progress toward your goals can make a big difference. This will help you think about how well the plan is working, making you feel proud of the steps you've taken.
Step 4. Try to help others.When you know that you are kind to people and that you make a positive difference in the lives of others (even if you are just being kind to the person who serves you breakfast), you become aware that you are a positive force in the world - which increases self-confidence. Find a way to help others as part of your weekly routine, by volunteering at your local library or helping a younger sibling learn to read. The act of helping will not only benefit others, it will build your confidence, making you realize that you have a lot to offer.
You don't need to help a stranger to feel the benefits of good deeds. Sometimes someone very close to you, like your mother or best friend, may need your help as much as anyone else
- Don't be afraid to push your physical or mental limits. The pressure will help you see how easily things can be achieved and thus improve your skills. Get out of your comfort zone.
- You can give yourself an extra dose of confidence through the hypnosis technique known as "My Inner Peace" to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal by reducing stress.
- Don't get caught up in mistakes or dwell on weaknesses. They are a healthy contrast to your qualities and can even show you where you can improve. There's no feeling quite as satisfying as becoming good at something we used to be really bad at.
- If you need to improve on an everyday skill or activity, practice.