Are you prone to tantrums? Are you known for cursing, kicking things or yelling curses, scaring everyone around? Do you feel your blood suddenly boil when you get stuck in traffic, get any kind of bad news, or hear something you don't like? If so, you must find a way to control anger before it takes over your life. Dealing with chronic anger can be very difficult, but you can learn some strategies for calming yourself in times of anger and in life as a whole.
Part 1 of 3: Calming down in the moment
Step 1. Take a walk
Stepping away from the situation that is making you angry can help you calm down and reflect on what happened. Spending time outdoors, concentrating on nature, can still be beneficial. A walk will help you distance yourself from the problem and burn off some of that negative energy right away. If you're in the middle of a heated argument, there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm going for a walk."
Remember that most situations don't require an immediate reaction. It is usually possible to leave the room and spend some time clearing your head before responding to someone
Step 2. Control the first impulse
If you are prone to tantrums, your first instinct is likely not a positive one. Maybe you want to kick a car, punch a wall, or yell at someone. Rather than being carried away by this initial impulse, ask if this attitude is beneficial and productive. Spend a moment thinking about how you should act and how you could calm down.
Often this first impulse can be violent, destructive, and completely irrational. Don't make things worse even if you get carried away by that kind of impulse
Step 3. Dance
Dancing might be the last thing that would pop into your head in a moment of fury, and that's exactly why you should do it. When you feel anger taking over, play your favorite song and start dancing and singing along to the lyrics. Harmful impulses will be distracted by this external stimulus.
If this method works, you can even choose a specific song to play whenever you feel overwhelmed by anger
Step 4. Practice a breathing exercise
Sit straight. Inhale deeply through your nose, counting to six. Then exhale slowly, counting to eight or nine. Pause and repeat the exercise ten times.
Try to focus only on your breathing, clearing your mind of whatever is bothering you
Step 5. Count down from the number 50
Counting out loud or even whispering numbers can calm you down in less than a minute. Try to keep your body calm as you do this, worrying only about the numbers. Focusing on this simple, concrete task will keep you from being overwhelmed by the moment and will help you to face the problem with a clearer mind.
If you are still nervous, repeat the exercise or count from 100
Step 6. Meditate
Meditation can help you control your emotions. So if you feel like you're losing control of your temper, use meditation to take a little mental vacation. Disengage yourself from the situation causing these angry feelings: leave the building, go to the fire escape or even the bathroom.
- Breathe slowly and deeply. This will likely lower your heart rate. Breathing should be deep enough to cause the belly to expand during inhalation.
- As you inhale, imagine a clear, golden light filling your body and relaxing your mind. As you exhale, visualize dark or opaque colors leaving your body.
- Making meditation a morning habit, even when you're not angry, will make you a calmer person overall.
Step 7. Imagine a peaceful setting
Close your eyes and imagine your favorite place in the world, like a beach where you used to spend your childhood vacations or a lake where you spent your teenage afternoons. It can be a place you've never been, a forest, a field of flowers or a breathtaking landscape. Choose an environment that makes you instantly calmer and calmer and your breathing will quickly return to normal.
Focus on every little detail of the landscape. The more details you visualize, the more you will be able to distance yourself from angry thoughts
Step 8. Listen to relaxing music
Relaxing to the sounds of your favorite bands can calm you down and put you in the right mood. It is scientifically proven that music has the power to affect how we feel and bring back memories. It can soothe angry or nervous people, even when it is impossible to identify the source of the annoyance. Classical music and jazz work great when it comes to calming someone down, but you should find something that works for you.
Step 9. Focus on positive thoughts
By focusing more clearly on positive thoughts, you can lessen angry feelings. Close your eyes, reject any negative thoughts that come to mind, and think of at least three positive things.
- These positive thoughts may relate to the situation that is bothering you or simply to something that you are waiting for or that makes you happy.
- Some examples include:
- This will pass.
- I'm strong enough to handle this.
- Challenging situations are opportunities for growth.
- I won't be angry forever, this is a temporary feeling.
Part 2 of 3: Changing the point of view
Step 1. Practice cognitive restructuring
That means changing the way you look at things. It can be easy to focus too much on the things that make you angry, to the point where you start to believe irrational things, like thinking that everything in life is bad. Cognitive restructuring encourages you to adopt rational, positive thoughts to get a more positive view of what's going on in your life.
- For example, you might think "Only bad things happen to me!" However, if you think rationally about all the events, you will notice that in life good and bad things happen: the car tire could flat, you could find a ten dollar bill on the ground, have a problem at work and receive a surprise gift from a friend on the same day. This is a combination of good and bad, and if you spend more time focusing on the good, you can feel better about life.
- Another example of substituting positive thoughts for negative thoughts is changing "It always happens to me, I can't take it anymore!" by "This has been happening a lot lately, but I've been able to deal with the problem effectively. I'll get over it."
Step 2. Record anger in a journal
Write down these angry feelings in detail. If a situation or event causes you to lose control of your emotions, write it down in your journal. Remember to include exactly how you felt, what caused the anger, where and with whom you were, how you reacted and how you felt afterwards.
After keeping the journal for a while, start looking for commonalities between the different records to identify the people, places, or things that cause anger
Step 3. Deal with the things that make you angry
In addition to learning how to calm down when you get angry, try to understand this feeling by identifying the factors that trigger it and working to minimize angry reactions. Many people find that they can work to reduce emotional reactions when they identify the causes of anger and why they are so angry.
Step 4. Practice positive communication
Saying the first thing that comes to mind can make you even more nervous, irritate the other person, and make the situation seem much worse than it really is. When you're angry about something, spend a moment thinking about the source of that anger and then share what you're really feeling.
One form of positive communication is the assertive expression of anger. Rather than expressing anger passively (getting nervous but not saying anything) or aggressively (exploding out of proportion to the seriousness of the situation), try assertive communication. To practice it, use the facts about the situation (without exaggerating them with emotion) to communicate requests (instead of orders) to others, always respectfully
Step 5. Know when to ask for help
Many people can handle anger on their own. However, you may need professional help to deal with your anger if you identify with the following statements:
- Insignificant things make you very angry.
- You exhibit aggressive behavior when you are angry, such as yelling, yelling, or punching.
- The problem is chronic, it happens all the time.
Step 6. Participate in a rabies control program
This type of program usually produces good results. Quality programs can help you understand this anger, create short-term strategies for dealing with it, and develop emotional control. There are several options available and you can choose the most suitable program for your case.
- Your region may have individual programs available for specific age groups, occupations, or realities.
- To find a suitable rabies control program, try an online search for the term “rabies control course” along with the name of the city, region or state. You can also include other terms such as “for teens” to find a group tailored to your specific case.
- Another way to find appropriate programs is to see a doctor or therapist, or to seek self-improvement courses at a community center.
Step 7. Find a suitable therapist
The best way to learn to stay calm is to identify and address the root of the problem. A therapist can suggest relaxation techniques for dealing with situations that make you angry and can also help you develop communication and emotional control skills. In addition, a psychoanalyst who specializes in solving a patient's past problems (such as childhood neglect or abuse) can help ease feelings of anger related to past events.
You can find a therapist who specializes in anger management here
Part 3 of 3: Living a calmer life
Step 1. Create a positive environment for yourself by surrounding yourself with positive elements
Whether it's scented candles, potted plants or photographs of friends and family, surround yourself with things that make you happy. Keeping your home or workplace positive, clutter-free, and well-lit can make you feel more positive and relaxed in everyday life.
The less cluttered the environment, the easier it will be for you to complete the day's tasks. You're less likely to get annoyed if you can easily find everything you need
Step 2. Make time to devote yourself to the things you love
One of the reasons you get angry may be that you feel like you never have time for yourself and that you're doing a lot of things you don't want to. So if you love to paint, read or run, make time for this activity in your daily or weekly schedule. You're less likely to get angry because you're doing something you really want to do.
If you don't have any passion or something that makes you truly happy, look for something that leaves you at peace with yourself
Step 3. Remember to maintain a balanced diet
Many people get irritated when they are hungry. To avoid this problem, remember to eat healthy meals, full of protein, fruits and vegetables. This will help you not feel hungry and prevent your blood sugar from dropping. Be sure to have a healthy breakfast, which will get you ready to face the rest of the day.
Step 4. Sleep for seven to eight hours a night
You need a lot of sleep at night if you want to feel good physically and emotionally. Lack of sleep can contribute to a variety of health problems, including the inability to deal adequately with emotions. Getting enough sleep can help you stay calm in stressful situations.
If you have difficulty sleeping, see a doctor to learn about possible dietary and lifestyle changes that could contribute to your quality of sleep. You can also try taking natural remedies to treat insomnia
Step 5. Laugh whenever possible
This can be difficult, especially when you're very angry, but research shows that smiling and laughing can cheer you up a little, even when you're angry. In addition, laughter can alter the body's chemical processes responsible for feelings of anger. Spending more time laughing every day can help you not take yourself too seriously and make it easier to find humor in difficult situations.
You can watch funny videos, read some jokes, or when you're feeling a little better, find some friends to make you laugh
- Read a book. Reading can calm you down quickly, especially if you make an effort to understand what you are reading.
- Take a quick nap, this can help drive the anger away and take the situation out of your mind.