Crying is a natural and healthy reaction to tragedy, sadness, frustration and other feelings. However, you may be inhibited or embarrassed about crying in certain situations where this is undesirable or when you would simply like to be able to control your emotions. To be calm, you can try some reflection exercises before and during any time when there is an urgent need to cry. Also, you can try different techniques to distract yourself at these times.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Communicating Well
Step 1. Think about what it feels like to cry
You may feel an urgent urge to cry in specific situations, such as when confronting an authority. Even if this need is uncontrollable, there is usually an identifiable cause. It is possible to feel a range of emotions, such as:
- Sadness.
- Fear.
- Anxiety.
- Happiness.
- Frustration.
- Suffering.
Step 2. Find out what goes on in your head when the urge to cry arises
Tears can be related to emotions or thoughts of the moment, even when they don't seem to have an immediate relationship. Consider the types of thoughts you have when you feel like crying and try to make a connection between them.
- For example, when you feel a sudden urge to cry on a happy occasion, think about whether you thought such a situation was “too good to be true” or too fleeting.
- If you suddenly feel like crying when you are being evaluated (such as at a work inspection), notice if your thoughts make you feel harshly judged, treated differently, inappropriately, etc..
Step 3. Observe your reaction
Even in stressful situations, a person has some control over his own thoughts and feelings. When you are communicating with someone and feel an urgent need to cry, consider what you are saying to yourself as you listen to the other.
- For example, if your work is being evaluated and your boss suggests that there are areas for improvement, what do you think? Do you think you're terrible at what you do? Or are you focused on drawing up a specific plan of action to move forward?
- Likewise, if a friend is upset with you and you feel like crying, notice whether you are saying to yourself, "my friend hates me" or simply "I did something that hurt my friend and I won't do it again".
Step 4. Stop criticizing yourself
By observing how you react, you will be able to tell if you are being self-critical. This is a common reason for the need to cry. Analyze your thoughts and feelings when communicating with others (or when thinking about yourself). Identify them and stop criticizing yourself.
- Among the most common forms of self-criticism are statements such as: “I am very emotional”, “men don't cry” and “I am a failure”.
- Replace self-criticism with more flexible thoughts with yourself, such as: “I worked hard on the project and I'm proud of myself that it didn't work out” or “I really care about this and I know I'm dedicated to this issue”.
Step 5. Expect others to understand
Some people don't know how to react when someone cries in front of them. However, you should hope that someone understands that there is a reason for your tears and that this does not necessarily mean that you are being weak, inopportune, unprofessional, etc.
- When you cry and notice that other people seem surprised or unprepared, you should still expect them to empathize by saying something like, "I can tell this is very important to you" or "I know you're upset."
- If you cry in front of someone who doesn't seem to know how to react, you don't have to ignore that fact. It's possible to say something like, “You understand, this is very important to me” or “I'm sad because…” That way, the person can understand what's going on.
Part 2 of 4: Creating Distractions
Step 1. Pinch or poke yourself
Some people believe that they can stop crying by pinching themselves or poking their nose, arm, face, palm, etc. It is possible that the feeling of temporary pain may distract their emotions or the thoughts that cause the crying.
Step 2. Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth
As well as poking yourself, you can create a temporary distraction or slight pain sensation by pushing your tongue against the roof of your mouth when you feel like crying.
Step 3. Give yourself time to breathe
Count to ten and breathe several times, deep and slow. Filling your lungs with oxygen can improve your mood and heighten your alertness. In addition, this break can help to quickly change the thoughts that generate these feelings and dispel crying.
Step 4. Distract yourself by telling something
Choose a random number, such as 7, and start counting from that to 100. Your brain will focus on the logical action of counting, which can reduce your emotional response to things.
Step 5. Ask permission to leave the site
If you want to avoid crying in front of someone like the boss, excuse yourself and leave the room. For example, say you need to go to the bathroom or get some air. Taking a short break for walking or assessing your feelings can help you gain some time and control the urge to cry.
Step 6. Use a support
Sometimes it takes something to focus on and distract you from a crying fit. For example, if you have a stressful meeting with your boss and you're afraid to cry, take a notebook or other object with you. Focusing on him during the meeting can prevent tears.
Part 3 of 4: Reflecting on the Situation
Step 1. Try visualization techniques
If you feel likely to cry frequently at certain times, try imagining them in your head and acting out alternative ways. By repeatedly visualizing good resolutions for imaginary situations in which you are not crying, you can handle the real situation better.
- For example, if you are prone to cry during family conflicts, imagine a situation in which you talk to your family while remaining willing and confident. If you can imagine what it looks like when you don't cry, you'll have a plan.
- If you are trying to avoid crying when defending yourself, imagine situations in which you speak without fear or hesitation. For example, imagine yourself in a meeting with your boss evaluating you and you saying, “I appreciate your feedback on this matter. I would like to offer my perspective on the problem.”
- If you're trying to avoid tears when you have to speak in public, imagine yourself on stage giving a speech with confidence, giving a presentation, etc. That way, by the time you really have to speak in public, you've already rehearsed a good result.
Step 2. Talk to a psychologist
If you are having a hard time controlling your emotions, don't be afraid to seek help. Psychologists are trained to help you understand emotions and develop techniques for understanding and managing feelings.
Step 3. Rule out any other underlying health problems
Some illnesses, such as pseudobulbar syndrome and certain forms of depression, can cause an uncontrollable crying spell or increase your chances of crying more. If you have a constant urge to cry or cannot stop in a crisis, you need to see a doctor to find out if there are any hidden illnesses that need treatment.
Step 4. Understand that crying has a purpose
The scientific community still does not fully understand why human beings cry, but it is clear that there is a relationship between crying and the expression of emotions. Tears can actually make a person better and generate feelings of sympathy and empathy in other people, thus forging a connection with them. Remember that everyone has good reasons to cry from time to time, so you may not always need or want to stop crying.
Avoid suppressing your emotions. It's healthier to accept that you're sad about something
Part 4 of 4: When to try not to cry?
Step 1. When at school or at work
Crying is a good way to let your emotions out, but if you do it during class, you may not feel better. Also, it can attract attention. While some people are empathetic, others are not, and it might be better not to share such an intimate moment with them. At work, crying can be unprofessional, especially if it occurs at a time of pressure.
Step 2. Learn to hold back tears when someone makes a hurtful comment
Crying can be a normal reaction in these situations and there is nothing wrong with it, but it shows the individual that you have no control over your emotions. If you don't want to give him such satisfaction, try some techniques for not crying during trivial matters, such as a rude comment or negative feedback at work.
Step 3. Practice not crying when you feel scared or stressed
Doing this during fear is normal, but sometimes it may not be a good idea to express yourself in this way. For example, maybe you have a presentation to give and your fear of public speaking is so great that you feel like crying in front of everyone. Practice distraction methods and other ways that keep your body from getting to that point.
Step 4. Cry when the time is right
Doing so is a valid way to get your feelings out. While there are places where crying is not acceptable, there are certainly some where you can do it without remorse. Cry at funerals, funerals, and places where expressing feelings is a positive thing. Sometimes the best place to cry is when you're alone, because you'll know your tears won't affect other people.