How to Ask a Father for Permission to Date Your Daughter

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How to Ask a Father for Permission to Date Your Daughter
How to Ask a Father for Permission to Date Your Daughter

Asking a girl's parents for permission to go out can be a terrifying experience. She may ask you to do this herself. If you already know they're too strict, it's better to prevent it, right? There are some tips to ease the situation, such as feeling more confident for the conversation and making a good first impression. Also, you will have to be honest about what you want.


Part 1 of 3: Creating courage

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Step 1. Show interest

Asking permission directly from the parents without first knowing if she likes you too is likely to offend her; so find out if the girl is interested.

  • If you've never started any kind of relationship before, don't panic. Simply strike up a conversation with the girl about things they have in common, like teachers, classes and their surroundings.
  • Say something like “That math test was so hard! Do you think it went well?”. This is a good way to start a conversation.
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Step 2. Advance the relationship

After a few conversations, start looking for her more and talking about a little more personal stuff. Ask about her interests and don't be afraid to praise her to develop a friendship. Things like "You're so smart!" or "You are very good at math!" are good ideas.

When they are closer and have spent more time together, bring it up. Say “I like your company a lot. Do you want to go out with me?"

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Step 3. Ask about asking her parents for permission

After asking her out and if the answer is yes, talk about asking her parents for permission. Explain how you came to the conclusion that it might be better to talk to them first and find out if she agrees. Find out what her father is like to get an idea of ​​what the conversation will be like; find out about his personality, how rigid he is, what religion he follows, etc. to better elaborate the conversation.

  • Say something like, “Most parents aren't comfortable when their daughter starts dating, so I figured it might be a good idea to talk to her dad first. What do you think?"
  • Another option is “I know you have a conservative family and I feel more comfortable talking to your parents first. What do you say?”
  • If she asks you to do this, accept it and ask for tips on how to start the conversation, as you know them much better.
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Step 4. Prepare for the order

Be prepared for the occasion, as it's a serious conversation and you can be dumbstruck with nervousness. Think about what you will say before the big conversation.

  • Write what you want to say. Write down the topics you want to cover to get a better sense of what you're going to say. Notes shouldn't be used right away, but recording everything that goes through your head will help you remember what you want to talk about.
  • Start like this: “Hello Mr. Silva. I want to talk about So-and-so. I would like to take you out if you will. I have the utmost respect for her and I guarantee that I will treat her well."
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Step 5. Take care of self-confidence

You will certainly be nervous, but the trick is to trust your club and not show your insecurity. Showing that you are a determined person will make a better impression, but don't overdo it; nobody likes arrogant people.

  • Reread what you wrote several times. That way you won't be so nervous when the time comes. Practice with a brother or friend and ask what they think.
  • Pay attention to body language. Make eye contact with her father and have an upright posture to convey confidence; this is even more important when performing.
  • Offer your hand to shake, squeeze it firmly (not tightly) and smile. Be bold and make a joke if appropriate, laugh if he says something funny too. Try to make friends.

Part 2 of 3: Making a Good First Impression

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Step 1. Make a time to talk

Call the future father-in-law and introduce yourself. Identify yourself, talk about your relationship with his daughter, and ask if they can meet to talk.

  • It's a good idea to let him know in advance what you want to talk about so he'll have time to prepare too. Say something like “Good morning, Mr. Silva. This is Beltrano, Ciclana's school friend, how are you? I would like to talk to you about your daughter and me, can we meet to talk?”
  • Even if you already know her father, it's polite to call and schedule an appointment.
  • Schedule a day and time if he agrees. Since he's asking for a favor, let him decide when and where they'll meet. Reinforce that you want to talk in person if he asks for more information.
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Step 2. Wear tasteful clothing

You don't need to take your suit out of the closet, but don't go with pierced and stained clothes. Wear a nice pair of pants and a nice shirt. Dressing well is a sign of respect for both your girlfriend and him, and your chances of success will increase dramatically.

Choose the best preserved clothes and iron them

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Step 3. Be punctual

If you plan to meet at 4:00 pm, arrive on time. Arriving 10 minutes early is even better. However, it is not advisable to arrive earlier than that, especially if he receives you at home. Being punctual is a sign that you respect his time.

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Step 4. Introduce yourself again

When you arrive, it is good manners to introduce yourself again, even if you have already spoken on the phone. Say your name and reach out. Also talk about where you know each other to locate you.

  • For example: “Hello, I'm Beltrano, Ciclana's school friend. How is it going?"
  • You don't need to introduce yourself if you already know each other, obviously, but shake your hand anyway.
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Step 5. Don't be afraid to praise him

Everyone likes to be admired and he is no exception; however, do this only if you have something true and directly connected to him to talk about. Don't say anything if you feel better.

You can comment on his house or car. For example: "Your house is very beautiful!"

Part 3 of 3: Communicating Clearly

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Step 1. Be direct

Don't hang around to start the conversation. Being direct shows you are not afraid, as this is a situation that requires courage. So, talk right away about what you want to talk about.

  • Say, for example: “I made this appointment to talk about my relationship with your daughter. I know we haven't met yet and I thought we'd better talk before taking her out.”
  • Leave the “I know we haven't met yet” part there if that's not the case.
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Step 2. Say why you want to date his daughter

The intention is not to declare his love for the girl, that's not what he wants to hear. Prefer to say that you like and admire her to make your intentions clear.

For example: “Mr. So-and-so, I want to go out with your daughter because I think she's so funny and smart and I love her company.”

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Step 3. View the situation from his point of view

The girl you care about is the love of this man's life and the least he expects from anyone interested in her is respect and care. Make it clear that you will treat her well to reassure him.

You can say “I understand that anyone who wants to date your daughter must be respectful, I promise that I will not do anything to harm her and that I will take good care of her. I will do my best to keep you safe.”

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Step 4. Let him answer

In any conversation, it is necessary to let the person speak their minds and this case is no different. Let him talk about what worries him, he certainly has something to say, even if the answer is yes.

  • Listen carefully to what he has to say. Pay attention to what he's saying instead of thinking about what he's going to respond to.
  • Your body language should reflect your attention. Look him in the eye as you listen.
  • Briefly repeat what he says to show you understand. For example: “Let me see if I understand. You mean you're not sure if you're ready for your daughter to date and I completely understand.”
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Step 5. Be partners

This is a good way to set boundaries with your prospective father-in-law, which will reassure you a lot. Agree together.

  • You can say “I understand. What can I do to make you more comfortable with our relationship? I will agree with any rule imposed. Would you be more comfortable if we went out in class? Maybe you prefer to go together the first few times? I can prove that I will be a good boyfriend for your daughter.”
  • Remember what “permission” means. In other words, he wants to know if his girlfriend's father agrees with his relationship and it depends on him. It is possible that you say “yes”, but it is also possible that you say “no” and you will have to accept whatever comes.


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