The ideal relationship of colorful friendship will make you have fun and be with someone whenever either of you are in the mood without feeling emotionally attached. While navigating this territory between friendship and dating is pretty tricky, if you stick to the ground rules, you can have an emotion-free relationship where neither side will get hurt. If you want to know how to start a colorful friendship, take it easy and follow these steps.
Method 1 of 3: Choosing the right person
Step 1. Choose someone who is available
This means “available” in every sense – single being the most obvious definition. Not only should the person be single, but not recovering from a breakup, dealing with the loss of a loved one, or too busy with studies or work. She should be feeling good, emotionally stable, and ready for anything, especially to be with you.
Step 2. Choose someone who won't get too attached
Colorful friendships often end because one person is falling in love with the other. So, unless you want to date this person, or if you don't mind hurting them, you should avoid someone who will get attached. How do you know who will fall in love and who won't? Well, you can't figure this out with 100% certainty, but there are some clues that can show you whether someone is going to get attached or not:
- If you've heard descriptions of the person being "sticky," whether from friends or other past relationships, then you may have problems with them.
- If the person doesn't have a lot of friends, interests, or a lot going on in their life, then he or she might not have anything better to do than spend a lot of time with you.
- If you know that this person has really liked you in the past, it's best to avoid them. If you know she has a harmless crush on you, then she's in.
Step 3. Choose someone you already like
Keyword: “likes”, not “really likes”. This person should be someone you find cute and fun – you should like this person as much as you would like to spend the day at the beach with friends. If you're going to spend a lot of time with this person, you should feel just the basics of affection – just nothing too serious.
- Choose someone you already like, but not someone you would normally date. Step out of your comfort zone and remember that you are only looking for a casual dating partner, not your future husband or wife. If you choose someone you would date, chances are you'll end up falling in love with that person.
- You must have natural chemistry with this person. This doesn't mean you should spend hours talking about the meaning of life – you just want to rip his or her shirt off.
Step 4. Choose someone outside your social or work circle
Don't have a colorful friendship with someone in your group of friends you've known since you were 5 years old. It's going to lead to a lot of awkwardness between the two of you when it's all over. Typical colorful friendships usually last a few months, so don't pick someone you have to see all the time.
Step 5. Choose someone with experience
You should try to find someone who has some experience staying with – even better if you know he or she is great in bed. Since sex is what you're going to do, it's good to know what your partner has to offer. It is also helpful to know if the person has had such relationships in the past, so that he or she already has experience in that department. If the person has only had one relationship in the past seven years, it might not be your best bet.
Method 2 of 3: Starting the Relationship
Step 1. Flirt with the person
Start flirting with her by teasing her, touching her, or just paying attention to him or her. Let the person know you're interested and give them some not-so-subtle compliments. You're not trying to be modest – you're looking for a stay.
Step 2. Start staying
Once the person is interested, you can start kissing or doing something else. Tell the person how attracted you are to them, but don't compliment their personality or say anything that makes it sound like you want to date.
Step 3. Set limits
Every colorful friendship is different. Some friends of this type know each other well enough to draw some boundaries before they even stay. But this can seem kind of forced and embarrassing, so you might want to wait until after your first kiss or first make-out session. Ideally, you should talk before having sex so that you both have a consensus and no one gets hurt. Here are the topics you should talk about:
- Make it clear that you're not dating – you're just having fun. You two should feel free to go out with other people.
- Make sure you don't see him very often. You should only see each other two or three times a week, preferably at night. If you see each other practically every day, then guess what? Are you dating.
- Decide that you will end the relationship if either of you get too attached. Unless you two fall in love with each other, make it clear that when one of you starts getting too attached, it's over.
Step 4. Enjoy sex
That's what colorful friendships are for, isn't it? Have fun making out with your “friend”, relaxing, and trying to do things your former boyfriend didn't want. This is the time to relax and experiment, and learn tricks you can use with your girlfriend or boyfriend in the future. Have fun trying out new positions, having sex in unusual places, or just taking risks.
Step 5. Communicate
As you bring your colorful friendship, don't forget to always check in with the person you're hooking up with. Make sure you're into each other, but not that much. If you go to a party, talk about how you're going to act. If you are also seeing someone else, don't be dishonest about it. You shouldn't open up completely, but you will need to keep talking to know what's okay and what's not.
Method 3 of 3: Harnessing the Benefits
Step 1. Don't forget to hang out with other people
Part of a non-committal relationship is being free to see other people. Don't forget that this is an important feature. If you're just staying with one person, it can become a real relationship. If that's not what you want, then always keep your eyes open when you go to a bar or a party. Don't just wait for a text message from your date, but look around to see if there are other options for you.
Step 2. Keep things casual
You can go out with your date, but make it clear you're not dating. Mostly, you should spend more time in bed than out of bed. You can go out for a drink – but not for dinner. Try to make your house as less habitable as possible so your stay doesn't have to stay until the next morning.
- If the hanger spends the night with you, don't make breakfast in the morning, or give him or her a goodbye kiss. Be nice but not romantic.
- Don't do things a couple would do, like going on vacation together, going to the grocery store, or going out on double dates with other friends.
- Don't go to the mall together, and don't take the date as an escort to weddings.
- Don't receive gifts from the person you're hanging out with, or just call them to talk.
- Keep your distance. Don't see the person more than two or three times a week.
Step 3. Keep doing your thing
The big advantage of a colorful friendship is that you still have enough time to pursue your own goals, whether it's graduating from college, your love of painting, or just all that fun hanging out with your friends. You can keep making out with your friend as long as you have enough time to do all the things you love during the day.
Step 4. Know when to say goodbye
There are three main reasons why a colorful friendship ends: either one of the people gets too attached, one of the people finds someone they really want to date, or both people get along and go their separate ways. The fourth reason is that the natural time of the relationship has come to an end, just like the end of summer, or like the end of a long journey.
- Once you think it's time to finish, it's over. If you set the boundaries early on, then it won't be all that painful to have the conversation about ending your relationship.
- And in the rare case that you and your date actually fall in love with each other, just relax and enjoy each other.
- Keep things light and fun. Don't be jealous when your date has a crush on someone or starts dating around. Remember, you are not in a serious relationship.
- Do not suggest going out with your date to family activities or other important events unless your family has known your friend for a long time. It would be embarrassing for everyone, and it would also feel like you guys are dating.
- Make sure you feel comfortable doing this.
- Don't have that conversation about "we" or "what we are". You're just two friends making out, not a couple.
- Don't discuss the future. Commitment to a colorful friendship does not exist. Do not even try.
- Get a sense of who you are before you bring up the subject of colorful friendship.
- Don't get pregnant, protect yourself and be smart.
- There is always the possibility of developing an attachment on either side. Be honest with each other. If the feelings aren't reciprocated, stop the colorful friendship immediately.
- Avoid being used. If your friend almost never speaks to you in public, or completely ignores you, stop that relationship and try something else.
- It's important that your friend feels the same way you do.