How To Comfort Your Girlfriend When She Is Upset

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How To Comfort Your Girlfriend When She Is Upset
How To Comfort Your Girlfriend When She Is Upset

When your girlfriend is upset, you can do two things to support her. The girl needs to feel emotional support through what you say and also needs to feel safe through gestures and touch. If you do both of these things right, it should get better soon.


Part 1 of 2: Comforting Her with Words

Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 1

Step 1. Ask her what happened

Whatever your opinion, keep it to yourself. Let your girlfriend vent and understand the story, just nodding your head and making a brief comment when necessary. If she doesn't want to talk, don't push her, as some girls don't like to open up when they're upset. In that case, just tell her you care and let her cry on your shoulder.

  • "How are you feeling?"
  • "Has something been bothering you lately?"
  • "You look sad. What happened?"
  • "If you want to talk to someone, know I'm here."
Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 2

Step 2. Show support, not disdain

It doesn't matter whether or not you agree with your girlfriend's issues. Remind her that you're on her side and take her somewhere more private, telling her it's okay if she wants to cry. Reaffirm that you are there for support.

  • "I know you must be feeling really bad about this. I'm sorry."
  • "I can't imagine how you're feeling. I know it's not easy."
  • "I'm sorry you're upset. Please let me know if I can do something to cheer you up."
Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 3

Step 3. Acknowledge the problem and show your feelings briefly

Showing that you see and understand the other person's problems can make all the difference. Keep it brief and simple.

  • "I'm sorry your mother is sick."
  • "I know you deserved that promotion so much. Too bad it didn't work out."
  • "She's a great friend. I'm also bummed that she has to move."
Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 4

Step 4. Avoid giving advice

Most people get upset about something when there isn't an easy solution, so don't try to offer one. Most likely, she has thought about this before and your advice will only serve to remind her how "irremediable" problems are. Instead of advice, say:

  • "This must be really hard for you."
  • "I wish I had an answer or a solution. Know that I'm on your side above all else."
  • "What do you think the next step is?"
  • "How do you want to resolve this issue?"
Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 5

Step 5. Empathize and acknowledge her emotions

This Step can be difficult, but as long as you let her take the lead role, you can help her master her feelings. Ask your girlfriend to open up and talk about how she feels instead of talking about the situation and the consequences based on her personal experience. By naming feelings, she may be able to control them:

  • "I know you wanted that job badly. I would be disappointed in your place too."
  • "You have every right to be sad. I would be too."
  • "I know you're sad and angry right now. I understand, it sucks."
Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 6

Step 6. Be positive

This attitude is very important: when supporting her, always remind her that things will get better. She wants advice from you, so don't be negative. Bring your positive energy into the conversation and your girlfriend should gradually start to feel infected with her.

  • "Let it all out. You know all these feelings, however bad, will pass."
  • "Let's remember the good times together. Do you remember when…"
  • "I know the situation is terrible right now, but I will always be with you until things improve."
Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 7

Step 7. Avoid belittling your girlfriend's problems or telling her she's wrong

In the end, remember that you are not supposed to magically improve things – you are there to support her. When you say that "it's not important" or that you "have been through it," she may think you don't take her seriously. Don't say the following things:

  • "You were too good for that job. They don't even make up for wasting time." Of course, because she's upset, she's going to think it was worth spending time with them.
  • "I know exactly how you feel." Each person has specific problems – you don't know exactly how they feel and they will notice that.
  • "You are strong and will be fine." Sometimes people need time to not be strong. Don't make her feel like she can't be vulnerable unless she looks "weak."
  • "I know how terrible this is. I already told you that time when…" The problems you've had in the past aren't in question, so don't try to change the subject.

Part 2 of 2: Giving Physical Support

Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 8

Step 1. Be patient while she masters her feelings, which does not mean acting passively

Instead, you must watch, wait, and know when to act. Your girlfriend may take a while to open up if she's really upset. You can only know when to act through communication, so always ask her if she is ready to talk.

Only leave your girlfriend alone if she asks. Even if the girl looks angry or upset, stay around until she calms down

Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 9

Step 2. Use physical contact to comfort her

Touch is magical – it releases the hormone oxytocin, which increases feelings of connection, connection, trust and intimacy. If you're holding hands, run your thumb over your girlfriend's fingers or massage the back of her hand in a circular motion. You can also place a hand on her shoulder or her lower back to produce the same effect.

Holding hands is great for stress relief. This simple gesture increases the feeling of confidence and security, as well as lowering levels of cortisol (the stress hormone)

Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 10

Step 3. Embrace her

Be firm and pat her back gently if you need to calm her down a bit before you talk. Remember that you are giving your girlfriend a hug to comfort her, so she should feel safe and secure.

The hug provides a sense of security. We are programmed to find the touch comforting

Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 11

Step 4. Do not force the bar

A gentle touch and a hug are enough to comfort your girlfriend. Let her kiss you only if she wants to.

Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset Step 12

Step 5. Walk with her

Take her somewhere different to surprise her with an act of kindness. At this point, she might not want to be around other people. Suggest a quick getaway to distract your girlfriend.

  • Have a picnic just for the two of you.
  • Give her an afternoon spa massage.
  • Go out to see a new comedy at the cinema.
  • Walk with her.


  • Don't walk away in anger. If your girlfriend doesn't want to talk, wait until she does.
  • When she's calmer, fill the tub for her and buy her some chocolates or a small gift to show you care.
  • If you can't help, suggest she talk to a friend. Offer to take it and pick it up at the person's home when they are feeling better.
  • Say romantic things and kiss your girlfriend.


  • Beware of using humor to alleviate the situation. She may appreciate your effort, but the jokes are likely to go very wrong.
  • Most girls like it when their boyfriends try to comfort them, but some girls prefer to be alone when they're upset. If your girlfriend says she wants to be alone, give her space. Don't go too far, as she may change her mind later and want you around.

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