The end of a relationship can be very delicate and when this happens with a friend it is important to be there to help her. Listen to her carefully, be sensitive and give importance to her feelings. Offering a helping hand and lending an ear is critical at this point; take her for a walk around town, have fun together, try to distract her from the breakup and that will alleviate the burden a little. Allow time for her to emotionally recover and be patient.
Method 1 of 3: Talking Clearly with Your Friend
Step 1. Listen to her
Real listening is the best way to optimize your help for as long as you have it. Showing interest and talking candidly will make you feel much better, even with the end of the relationship.
- Look into her eyes when she's talking.
- Pay attention and use your body language, whether it's frowning, smiling or nodding, to let her know you're interested in what she says.
- Use open-ended questions. For example, instead of asking “yes” or “no” questions like “Are you sad?” ask “How do you feel?”.
Step 2. Be tactful
Your friend is devastated and this state of mind can make her misinterpret even the most sincere advice. Don't say random things like “It's going to be okay” or “Sometimes it wasn't meant to be”; prefer to speak more intimately, something like “The longing must be so hard to face, you really look sad”.
Ask permission to ask questions. Getting to the root of what happened may be the best idea for understanding the whole situation. While it's important to talk about this, ask permission first; this is a very sensitive subject and she may prefer to keep to herself for the time being. As with “May I ask…?”
Step 3. Have an open mind
Maybe you've never had a long relationship or take different attitudes in general, but try to understand your friend. Strive to understand what she feels and why.
Step 4. Show empathy
Empathy is the ability to feel the pain of others, usually because experiences such as a breakup have already happened to most people. Think of the worst breakup you've ever had and use it to remind yourself how critical your friends' support was; do for your friend what they did for you back then.
- Don't try to soothe her with the typical disdain of phrases like "Don't worry about it" or "It's going to be all right."
- Instead, listen to it and give a sincere and empathetic response, such as "You are a wonderful person, and even if you are suffering now, you will soon pass away and find happiness."
- Listen to her and say what you would like to hear if you are feeling what she is feeling. Say things like “You are an amazing person and I know you will find your happiness again. The situation is difficult, but I know you can do it!”
Step 5. Show your friend her strengths
Help her see what makes her unique. This can help to minimize the feeling of loss. Remind her that even though her ex was an important part of her life, she is still a complete human being and able to live without him.
For example, praise her for her incredible artistic ability, the degrees she got, or anything else, and remind her that she didn't need anyone to achieve these goals
Method 2 of 3: Supporting with Attitudes
Step 1. Spend time with your friend
Don't let her suffer this termination alone. Invite your mutual friends to have fun and help her too, join together to cheer a heartbroken friend and, more than just talk, show that you are there for her.
- Think about her well-being and help her to be kinder to herself.
- Give her a hug, give her a cuddle and show that you care, you are there for her and want to see her happy again. Having a shoulder to cry on is the best thing in the world.
Step 2. Be loyal
If your friend shares intimate feelings and other personal things, it's a sign that she trusts you and that's invaluable. Don't go around spreading these things around.
Step 3. Do fun things together
Go shopping with your friend! Visit bookstores, makeup stores or whatever she likes and buy something silly and cheap. Buying yourself something pretty can make you happier, even if it's just for a while.
- Go to the movies, go out for pizza, dance or whatever they do together.
- Make a cool playlist for her on Spotify! If you are from the old days, make a tape! Surprise can make you dizzy from negative emotions too.
Step 4. Let her digest the emotions
Being aware of your own feelings will help you deal with them more naturally. On the other hand, denying them will not allow her to let go of her resentment and frustration, which can be expressed in the future against friends, boyfriends and even family members.
Let her cry. Your friend should get everything she's feeling out for as long as she needs it. Crying is healthy and she will feel better, so offer to listen to her, let her cry, and keep her company during the cesspool
Step 5. Be patient
Each one recovers in its own time and in its own way. Even if you don't understand why your friend is still dragging her feet, be patient and wait. Give her as much time as she needs to.
Method 3 of 3: Helping Your Friend Move Forward
Step 1. Help her with little things
The moments following a breakup are difficult and your friend may become depressed. Help her with the smaller tasks, such as sweeping the floor in the house, washing the dishes, or preparing the food. She may not have the strength to do these things and being taken care of can make her rise faster.
Step 2. Develop a plan
Help your friend see the positive side of the breakup. When the worst phase is over, talk about the good things a breakup can bring. For example, now that she is single, she can plan trips and moves on her own, without being dependent on anyone.
- Plus, when she's ready, she can go back to work and flirt with anyone she wants! Maybe even get a new boyfriend?
- Show her that she will have more time for family, close friends and you too!
- Make a joke at this point. Say “See? Now you can spend more time with me!”
- Help her make a gratitude list. Every day, in the morning or before bed, she should write down five good things that happened; tell her to start with “Today was a good day. I'm grateful for…” followed by five good things that made her feel better or smile.
Step 3. Know your own limits
It's natural that you want to support your friends in times of difficulty. However, remember that only she can choose to get out of this and get on with life with more positivity. Be alert for signs that she is not dealing with the problem in a healthy way, and be prepared for emotional outbursts.
- It is possible that she will push you away, even if you have the best intentions. If she has moments of rudeness, anxiety and indifference, try to understand that she is struggling with her emotions and is sensitive. Of course, you don't have to stay and be offended if she goes overboard, but if that's not the case, try to understand her.
- If she really gets out of line, say “I know you're having a hard time and I really want to help, but you're kicking me for no reason. Don't take your anger and frustration out on me” and leave if you feel better.
- Don't let her abuse your kindness. You weren't the one who broke up, so don't act like it; she can sleep at your house for a few nights if she wants to, but not live. That burden is not yours.
Step 4. Know when to seek professional help
If your friend becomes depressed or begins to exhibit negative behaviors, help her recognize this and convince her that it's a good idea to seek professional help.
- Some people turn to alcohol and drugs when after a breakup, but other destructive behaviors can also arise, such as compulsion to work, lack or excess appetite, shopping too much, etc. If your friend begins to exhibit this type of behavior, see a therapist.
- Therapy is very beneficial. Its scope provides the tools necessary for the patient to understand their own patterns of behavior. In your friend's case, in addition to helping her through the turmoil of the breakup, she can understand his reasons.
- If your friend has been in an abusive relationship, she may have many other psychological problems; in these cases, it is even more important to seek professional help.
- Talking to a therapist can help your friend accept the breakup and better understand her actions so she doesn't repeat them in the future. This includes looking for better boyfriends or taking different actions in a relationship.
- Take her somewhere she feels good, like a restaurant, a beach, a spa, a park, etc.
- When she's not crying, make her laugh, that's still the best medicine.
- Don't yell at your friend or blame her for breaking up.
- Be careful what you say about the ex, as they may start dating again in the future.