Many people have been through breakups with their boyfriends, but ending a friendship can be even more difficult. When you have a fight that you can't resolve or when you don't have anything else in common, it's time to say goodbye. You can let the friendship fade away, confront your friend, or end it all at once. No matter what you choose, it helps to be prepared to deal with the feelings that will overtake you when it's over.
Method 1 of 3: Confronting the person
Step 1. Arrange a time and place to meet
When you don't intend to make the person curious about your reason for ending the friendship, a face-to-face conversation may be the best option. Parks and cafes are good choices for breakouts as they are public and neutral places. Even if things get emotional during your conversation, it's likely that you both hold back from being in such a place.
- Avoid having a long meal together, as you may be ready to leave before the food arrives.
- If you don't want to meet the person live, it's okay to do so over the phone. Avoid using text messages, however, as it is more difficult to express yourself fully like this and have a real conversation.
- Don't break up with your friend in front of people you both know. It can be shameful and offensive.
Step 2. Tell your friend why you are doing this
Be direct and tell him why you no longer want his friendship. Did he cheat on you with your boyfriend? Constantly cutting you? Whatever the reason, now is the time to confess it. Doing this is courageous, and in the end, the person will probably be grateful to know what happened.
There are situations where being direct isn't the coolest way to end a friendship. If you just don't like the person anymore, even though it's not their fault, there's no reason to say it out loud. If this is the case, go to Method 2 and let the friendship go away naturally
Step 3. Give your friend a chance to speak
He will be defensive, apologize or mix the two after the confrontation. It might be a good thing to hear from you, just in case there's the slightest chance you'll decide to keep the friendship. If that's possible, if there's been any kind of disagreement, you'd better know. Otherwise, continue with the breakup.
Step 4. Set limits
Perhaps you want to cut off contact altogether, or prefer to see the person once in a while in some group activity. Whatever the case, make it clear that this is the end of the friendship and that, from now on, things will be different. Draw your boundaries so you're not tempted to give up later.
- If you never want to talk to the person again, tell them that you won't be in touch again and that you don't want them to either.
- If it's okay for you to go out in a group, but you don't want to talk directly to the person, it's okay to tell them that. It's also okay to say that you might want to reconnect later, but only do that if it's true. Otherwise, the person may be trying to contact you despite their desire to be alone. Be clear about what to expect so your ex-friend doesn't get confused.
Step 5. Keep your limits
If the person tries to contact you or win you back, don't respond. You've said what you needed to, you've heard the person, and now your obligation as a friend is over. Just like a breakup, breaking up with a friend means you no longer need to be responsible for the person.
It's easier said than done. If your ex-friend is very upset, it can be very difficult to ignore his calls or messages. If you are sure about the termination, don't let the person go beyond your limits. It will only give her the wrong impression and make things difficult in the future
Method 2 of 3: Letting It Fade Naturally
Step 1. If you are breaking up little by little, don't fight it
The fading method is best for a situation where you and your friend are going through something like this. Maybe there's no real reason why you don't like the person anymore; he is just interested in other things and people. Start spending your time however you want, hanging out with friends or doing activities that you enjoy. It is possible that your friend will end up doing the same and that you will start to break up without having to make a fuss about it.
Step 2. Stop calling and texting your friend
To end the friendship, it will be necessary to reduce communication. Stop contacting him to make plans or just talk. Don't start online chats, message chats or anything else. You can still chat when you see the person, for example, if you both date the same group of friends, but avoid unnecessary contact.
- When two friends are naturally ready to go their separate ways, it's not difficult to keep in touch less. You'll probably be doing other things anyway, so it doesn't seem like a big sacrifice not to talk to the person more than necessary.
- On the other hand, if your friend is not feeling the same way about your friendship, decreasing contact will hurt his feelings. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to avoid doing this when a friendship ends. You'll have to decide if you want to end it anyway.
Step 3. Keep conversations shallow
Friends come together as they have deep and revealing conversations during which they get to know each other very well. To get away from one, stop doing and listening to outbursts. When speaking, keep topics shallow, banal, as you would an acquaintance. If they keep talking as friends, it will be harder to make the friendship go away.
- If your friend tends to want to talk about personal matters, such as his relationship with his boyfriend, move things in a safer direction. Change the subject so he can't tell you about his deepest feelings.
- Eventually, your friend will start to notice that you don't talk to him like you used to. He might draw your attention to it or decide to back off too. Prepare for any of these reactions.
Step 4. Refuse invitations politely
It can take a while for the person to realize that you're not into the relationship anymore. A surefire way to create some distance is to politely but firmly decline invitations. If he invites you to a group activity, you may want to participate, but avoid going out with just the two of you. You will only be deceiving the person.
Again, if the other person is not ready for the end, refusing their invitations will cause pain. It's up to you whether the best thing to do is be direct about why you keep saying "no" every time she asks you to do something
Step 5. Make up excuses if you need to
If you really don't want to tell the person the truth, dodge invitations with excuses. Say you are busy, that your relatives have come to visit, that you have a lot of homework to do, and so on. This may be the "easy" way out, as it is not a very honest way to behave with someone who was once your friend. However, if you have a good reason to end the friendship and don't really want to deal with confrontations, making excuses will be very effective.
Step 6. Let the friendship come to an end gradually
In the best case, the person realizes that you have moved on and decides to do the same. However, if the ex-friend asks what's going on, it's okay for you to explain it to him. Be ready for this reaction, as you may mean more to your ex-friend than he does to you.
Step 7. Consider ignoring the person in the case of an abusive relationship
If she has been physically or emotionally abusive or manipulative, you owe her nothing, not even politeness. Just stop all contact types, remove the person from your friends on social networks and avoid seeing them when you don't need to.
If you try to talk to the person about it, they can end up making you feel like you've done something wrong. Don't fall for this drama. If you know she's going to make things difficult, just break off the relationship straight away
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with Consequences
Step 1. Deal with your ex-friend's feelings
Being rejected is not easy, whether you deserve it or not. Get ready to see the person crying, begging them to get back together, or even getting extremely angry. You were strong enough to end the relationship and you are strong enough to deal with the consequences. Try not to get too involved with the person's emotions. Remember to keep your boundaries intact and to cease all contact if necessary.
Step 2. Beware of passive-aggressive behavior
Sometimes an ex-friend will try to make life difficult in tiny, passive-aggressive ways. This is especially true if you go to the same school as the person or if you work in the same place and you have to see each other often. The person may try to turn others against you, spread gossip about you, or make you look bad in some way. Be strong and realize that if someone behaves in such a way, your decision to end the friendship was the right one.
- If the behavior evolves from being passive-aggressive to being simply aggressive, you may need to take action. Talk to your teachers or supervisors if something is going on at work or school. See if you can provide evidence that you're being stalked.
- You can also have cool options. If the person won't leave you alone or if they harass you, it might be a good idea to get a removal order.
Step 3. Realize that this can affect other friendships as well
Breaking up with a friend often affects people you both know. If the two of you are part of the same large group of friends, things can get awkward for a while. Hopefully, your other friends didn't take sides, but if they do, you'll know who the real ones are.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
You will probably feel a certain freedom after breaking up with a bad friend. Still, breakups are often tricky. It's emotionally difficult to let someone down, and the consequences can last much longer than expected. Once the friendship is officially over, get busy spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with loved ones and try to put the old friendship out of your mind.
You may also feel strangely sad about missing out on the good parts of your friendship with the person you broke up with. After all, you were friends for a reason, even though the relationship eventually turned bad. Sadness is perfectly normal in this situation
- Don't feel bad if your friend hasn't been a good friend lately. It's not your fault.
- You may feel guilty, but if you know you made the right decision, stick with it.
- Remember that all relationships are voluntary situations. You are not required to keep any of them.
- Be firm when speaking to avoid confusion.
- When you tell the person how you feel after the breakup, it will be quite painful, but do things that cheer them up. Eventually you will make a new best friend.
- Cut relationships carefully. It can be very difficult to restart a friendship, so make sure you want to end things if that's the path you choose.
- Mutual friends may feel the need to choose sides, so be prepared to discuss your feelings or possibly to lose other friends.
- Ask family members or other friends for advice, especially people who know your friend well and who can provide additional insight into the situation. They can help you decide what you really want to do.
- Send a letter or email if you are not comfortable having a face-to-face conversation.
- If you are not comfortable confronting your friend alone, consult your school psychologist or a neutral mediator to help with the conversation.
- If your reasons are superficial, like wanting to be popular, don't do it. Do not be selfish.