Are you befriending a guy and want to go out with him but not implying that you are interested in something else? It's not always easy to have this kind of platonic relationship (especially with men), but it's not impossible! Start by making it clear that you like him as a friend and that there are no ulterior motives behind your invitations. Then, avoid sending those confusing signals, the kind that leave so many people (men and women) perplexed about the intentions of others. If all goes well, you have a good chance of forming beautiful bonds!
Method 1 of 3: Making Your Intentions Clear
Step 1. Set clear boundaries on your relationship with the boy and don't accept his advances
Many men hit on women discreetly when they meet them. If this happens to you, it's best to put the dots on the is right away and prevent the situation from getting serious. Be polite but firm when you say you are not looking for anything with him or anyone else. Use an assertive tone and, if possible, a touch of humor so as not to make things tense.
- Say something like "Thanks for the compliments, Felipe! But you know I don't like you that way. I like your friendship and I don't want to risk what we have for anything!"
- Don't worry if the boy turns out to be disappointed or jealous: this will soon fade when your friendship is firmly established. On the other hand, keep an eye out for overreactions and, if necessary, get away from it as soon as possible.
Step 2. Make it clear to the guy that your relationship is platonic and pure friendship
The boy should always be clear that you have no ulterior motives with him, even if you are both single. If you're dating, talk about your boyfriend every now and then to give the idea that you're not interested in anything but friendship. Just quote the person's name at certain times. He'll get the message and, if he's decent, respect your limits.
- Talk about your boyfriend or date when you're talking about life with the guy. Say "Do you also support Flamengo? My boyfriend is obsessed. He doesn't lose a single game."
- If you don't have a love interest in the guy or anyone else, use other factors to justify yourself: "My mom keeps picking on me about dating. I don't know how I'm going to make it clear to her anymore that I'm not interested in anyone."
- If you prefer, you can be more direct and say how satisfied you are with being single: "I'm very happy now. I finally have time to do the things I enjoy without pressure from anyone. Thanks for your friendship, even. Your company is a good distraction from my problems at work and college."
Step 3. Tell the young man that you see him as a brother
Often the best course of action is to cut to the chase. Do your best not to create confusion about the nature of your relationship with the young man, especially as you grow closer and closer. Always make your intentions clear and don't send the message that you're open to something else. If necessary, be ham and say on the tin that you see him as a brother!
- It's best to make this clear early on in the relationship, but reiterate your intentions every now and then.
- Say something like "Dude, you're like a brother to me. I can't believe we haven't seen each other in so long. We need to set up a 'third party date' soon!"
- Compare your relationship with the guy to past situations: "You can't even imagine how many times I tried to make friends with guys who got things wrong. I'm glad you're not like that."
Method 2 of 3: Arranging the Encounter
Step 1. Talk about the general topic of going out with someone first before moving on to the guy himself
Don't go green for him to invite you, or you may end up implying that you're up for something more. It's better to come up with the idea of you guys hanging out as friends when it's pertinent. Show that you believe this can work!
- Use the fact that you already get along as proof that things can work out: "I'm glad we're friends. I couldn't take this class if I were alone! I know our schedules are crazy, but we could leave for good. in a while, right?".
- Get to the point if you take the initiative to bring the matter up.
- Your friend will have no reason to get any wrong ideas if you are confident in your invitation. On the other hand, be careful not to give the impression that you are insecure or shy: he might think something is wrong.
Step 2. Make it clear once again that this is not a date
This is the best way to not send any ambiguous message to the boy. Start the conversation (either live or by message) by saying that you want to go out with him as a friend. Say "Are you excited to go to that party? As friends, of course haha" or "Are you willing to go to the show? I'll be calmer if I have a friend around."
- If the guy invites you, but you don't know what his intentions are, say "Going hiking is a great idea! But you know I don't want more than your friendship, right?"
- You don't have to worry if he says he knows you're just friends or even makes fun of it (but still respects your decision).
Step 3. Invite the guy out with his group of friends
Maybe it's better to start getting along with the boy in a group rather than alone. Invite him to your class happy hour, as long as no one opposes. Try to include both men and women as well as single and committed people.
- The guy will probably be more comfortable if he's not the only man (single or not) in the group!
- If you invite via WhatsApp or another messaging application, include "my group" when touching the subject. There's no way he can get mixed up like that!
Step 4. Invite the young man to participate in something you are already doing
This eases the pressure on him and his friendship a little! If he declines the invitation, it will likely have something to do with the activity itself, not you. Say something like "I'm going out to eat after class. Shall we?" or "You're into rock music, right? Let's go to my brother's concert Saturday! I was going alone, but he gave me an extra ticket to take some rocker friend."
This tactic is also shoot and drop if you are already engaged with your other friends, but still want to invite the guy
Step 5. Don't do anything romantic alone with the guy
Never invite him to things that have any romantic connotations, like going to the cinema to see cute movies, going out for ice cream on Sunday afternoon, and so on. Also, never ask him to come to your house alone! It is better to choose occasions in public places and surrounded by more people. Think of activities that are in your interests (whenever possible during the day).
- Invite the guy to visit a museum if you two like this kind of historical thing.
- Only ask the guy out for a meal or drink if you're going to a busy place (and again during the day).
Step 6. Don't accept if the boy insists to pay the bill himself
It may be that the boy still wants to pay the entire bill, even though he knows it's not a date. Don't accept that sort of thing - or, at the very least, transfer your share to him!
- It's best to combine these things before it's time to pay the bill itself.
- Don't expect the boy to pay the bill himself. This is not a sign of chivalry, but an old-fashioned gesture that no longer makes sense.
- Also, don't expect the guy to give you a lift to every corner! At the very least, pay for the fuel (or better: call an Uber with your own cell phone).
- You can send a simple message to the guy to confirm your plans, such as "We'll meet at 7pm, okay? And everyone already asks for their own haha".
Method 3 of 3: Cultivating Your Platonic Friendship
Step 1. Don't do anything that gives the boy the idea of a love interest
While flirting with the guy lightly doesn't hurt, it's best to avoid this sort of thing if you don't have ulterior motives with him. No compliments all the time (especially on appearance) and no more touching him! A goodbye hug is nice, but be careful not to send the wrong message with this type of interaction.
- Don't laugh at his pranks and jokes as if you were a happy child! Control your reaction, especially if the things he says aren't really funny.
- Many men are confused by a series of signs they interpret in women, like the ones listed above.
Step 2. Pay attention when saying goodbye to the boy
Don't say typical dating things like "Let's get it together again anytime!" Also, avoid sending that classic message saying how much you enjoyed hanging out with the guy. Be simple and casual and say goodbye with "Today was fun! We'll talk" or even "I'll order my Uber and see you in class!"
- You can hug goodbye, but keep it brief. And don't even chat when you leave. This could all indicate a love interest that doesn't exist!
- You guys will probably meet up soon anyway, since you're friends! You don't need to talk about this with the boy before you leave.
Step 3. Wait a while before scheduling something else with the guy
Ideally, you should devote yourself to all your friends, without giving preference to anyone. Don't feel obligated to text or chase him! Just make an appointment every two weeks - especially if you see each other every day in class or at work, for example.
Your intentions aren't necessarily platonic if you keep thinking about the guy all the time and want to get closer to him
Step 4. Be careful if you notice that you are starting to feel something for the guy
This happens even though you and he appreciate the friendship you've developed. Although these feelings are normal, things can get out of hand and create a huge headache. Don't try to cover the sun with a sieve: be honest with yourself and, as much as possible, with your friend.
- Say something like, "Matheus, I need to talk to you. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm starting to feel chemistry between us - and I think I'd better step back. I don't want to get in the way of our friendship. Do you understand?"
- Studies indicate that men tend to be more attracted to female friends than females to male friends. Pay attention and see if the guy starts to show any such signs.
- Treat the boy like you would your brother when you go out together. This greatly reduces the risk of him misinterpreting your intentions.
- You and your friend need to build a trusting relationship with your respective partners to avoid jealousy issues. Tell your boyfriend about your plans with the guy, ask him out with his girlfriend, and so on. This gives no grounds for distrust!
- Never put your friend in front of your love relationships.
- Don't try to interfere in your friend's love life. This will only hurt the friendship.
- Don't risk your friendship with the guy with gossip and attitudes that make his girlfriend frustrated, uncomfortable or jealous.