Going through the end of a friendship can be very difficult emotionally and psychologically. Relationships end for several reasons, such as when someone betrays the other's trust or needs to change (life or city). The time it takes to forget about someone important like that depends on the level of closeness, what happened and the time when those involved met, but you can read the tips in this article to let everything follow a natural flow and get out of this situation more strong, healthy and with a positive mindset.
Part 1 of 3: Dealing With Loss of Friendship
Step 1. Cry if you feel like it
Once you accept that the friendship is over, you may feel very sad that you have lost someone so close. At these times, it's normal to cry - and even healthy, as it releases some of the sadness. On the other hand, don't feel guilty if no tears fall. Not everyone has this reaction. The important thing is to understand and accept your emotions.
Step 2. Go for a walk or get some exercise
Exercising releases endorphins, which give you feelings of happiness and positivity. Walking, in turn, is the best opportunity to breathe fresh air and get some sun, which also improves your mood.
Step 3. Vent to a friend or someone close to you
If you talk to someone you trust, you can process emotions better and gain a broader perspective on the situation. Go to a friend, a relative, or even a professional therapist so you don't get so shaken and suffocated.
- If the ex-friend has moved to another city, call someone in common who also misses him. Maybe it's good to talk about the person. Say things like "Hi, Maria. I've been really sad since João moved. I miss his jokes. How about you?"
- If you have an argument with your former friend, call someone you trust to talk about your anger or feelings of betrayal. Explain what happened and ask the third party for an objective and honest opinion. For example, say, "I had a horrible fight with Suzana last week. I asked for the R$50 she owed me; she yelled and called me petty. Do you think I was wrong to ask for the money? Or do you think I did? did she overreact?"
Step 4. Spend time with other friends
You may be less hurt if you do fun things with people who are still part of your life. Call or text another friend and invite them to go to the movies, go out to eat or drink, listen to music or whatever. Whatever it is, think of something that catches your eye.
Step 5. Meet new people
Meeting new people is very important for those who move to another place, as friends are left behind and it's hard not to count on them. So go somewhere where you can socialize.
- Try to find popular events on the internet. Facebook has numerous groups aimed at people who are discovering new places and want to make friends. See if you can find something on other social media as well.
- Do volunteer work. Donate time and energy to community events that interest you. Not only is this a cool opportunity to meet new people, but you may end up taking on a different skill or hobby.
- Participate in sports teams. Many parks and gyms host affordable community events. If you can't find anything, at least go to the local courts and see if you can play a game with someone. Those who go to these places are usually nice and friendly with the new faces.
Step 6. Do things that make you happy
Go after hobbies, sports and other activities that interest you. If necessary, try new things, like making crafts, playing a sport, riding a bike or even playing an instrument.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Memories
Step 1. Return, pass on, or keep the person's memories and gifts
It is normal to accumulate gifts (physical or otherwise) and memories of a friendship. If objects make you sad or angry because they remind you of the person, it's best to get them out of sight-at least for a while.
- If the item in question is too valuable, such as a family object, jewelry, or electronic equipment, return it to the person. Maybe it's not right for you to keep these things after the friendship ends. To determine whether or not it's better to give it back, consider whether you would ask your ex-friend to do the same if you were in his shoes.
- You can donate less valuable items such as clothing and the like, or even throw them away (if they are disposable).
- Think twice before destroying or throwing away items that are irreplaceable, such as photos or artwork. You may regret it after you get over the pain of loss. If you think something specific might be special in the future, keep it in a safe place (or have someone else do it) until this period of turmoil passes.
Step 2. Delete the person's contact information
Erase your ex-friend's cell phone, e-mail, and even physical address from your phonebook so you are not tempted to contact him in times of weakness and anger. That way, you won't be annoyed either when you accidentally read his name on your phone screen from time to time.
Do not delete contact information if the person has only moved away physically (because someone has moved, for example). In these cases, it's still normal to call or exchange messages, even if you don't speak for months. Maybe a reunion will happen in the future?
Step 3. Delete the person from all their social media
Seeing your ex-friend's posts on social media, such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, can bring out all your grief at the end of the friendship. Stop following him to be able to move forward without any problems.
Even if you still like the person, it's best to stop following them on social media until the pain passes. If they continue in frequent contact, everything will be more difficult, from overcoming the trauma to meeting new people
Step 4. If possible, avoid places that remind you of the person
Certain places can remind you for a long time, like a bar they used to go to or a park where they walked together. If possible, avoid them until you recover a little. This may be impossible at school or college or at work (or even at home, depending on the situation); in these cases, always walk with another person to create new positive memories in those places.
Step 5. Don't avoid the person when you come across them in public and don't treat them badly when talking
If you still live in the same area, sooner or later you will find each other. This experience will be uncomfortable at first, especially if the friendship ended in bad shape. Don't ignore the person, or everything will only get worse. Make eye contact and say "Hi" (or at least nod your head) to be cordial.
Just start a conversation if you want. If you don't want to, but the person is interested, say you prefer not to say anything (politely). For example: "It's great to see you, but I'm not ready to talk yet." If you prefer, say you're busy and leave, but still polite
Part 3 of 3: Determining if the end of friendship is permanent
Step 1. Write about the end of friendship in a journal
By understanding why the friendship ended, you can determine how best to put the past behind you. Share your feelings and thoughts in your journal to overcome your anger, feelings of betrayal, and sadness. In addition, this strategy will also help you understand if ending the friendship was really the best thing to do.
Step 2. Write your friend a farewell letter, but do not send it
Express any anger, frustration and disappointment you feel at the end of the friendship. Also include everything that will be missing in your life. Do not send the document: keep it, throw it away or even burn it. It serves to put an emotional end to the relationship and should not be read by the person, as this can make the situation even worse.
Step 3. Describe the entire course of your friendship with the person in your journal
Determine whether the relationship was healthy and mutually respectful - or whether it was toxic and harmful. Toxic friends are those who are always rude to others, making unfounded criticisms, or demanding too much time and energy.
- If you determine that the relationship was toxic, be glad to know it's over.
- If you determine that the relationship was positive, consider whether you really want to take the person out of your life. Maybe you can keep in touch and try to fix the situation. Even if your friend has moved to another place, you can exchange messages, talk on the phone, interact on social media, etc.
Step 4. Talk to mutual friends about what happened
If you unburden yourself with mutual friends, you may be able to better understand why the relationship ended, as these people have different perspectives on the situation.
Step 5. Reconcile the friendship
If you determine that the friendship was positive and you don't want to lose the person, contact them and try to arrange a meeting. If necessary, apologize - and if she did something bad, explain why you were upset and say you forgive her because she is important in your life.
- Write what you think and feel after the friendship ends in your journal.
- Do not contact the person if you are still frustrated or angry. Just text or call to say specific things and no aggressive tones, like asking her for something back or asking her to chat.
- If you tried everything to forget the person, but it didn't work, try to go after new things to distance yourself more and more from what happened.
- Don't ignore your emotions or try to smother them with drugs or alcohol. Although they are uncomfortable, it takes courage to get over what happened. Otherwise, you will be very bad for your health.
- If you are still very angry or depressed after weeks or months, seek professional help from a therapist.