How to Identify Bad Friends: 15 Steps (with Pictures)

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How to Identify Bad Friends: 15 Steps (with Pictures)
How to Identify Bad Friends: 15 Steps (with Pictures)

Video: How to Identify Bad Friends: 15 Steps (with Pictures)

Video: How to Identify Bad Friends: 15 Steps (with Pictures)
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If your instincts say there's something wrong with one of the friendships, it's possible that you're dealing with a bad friend. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with this person. Does she support you, is she trustworthy and legal? If that's not the case, it might be a good idea to talk to the friend or think about whether it's really worth continuing the friendship. It's okay to stay away from those who hurt you!

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Assessing Friendship

Identify Bad Friends Step 1
Identify Bad Friends Step 1

Step 1. Observe how the friend behaves when you talk about yourself or what you have been through

A bad friend just wants to talk about himself and doesn't make the effort to listen. Is he interrupting all the time, or does he lead the conversation to his problems and his life?

  • A good friend always asks how you are and starts the conversation by talking about the other person. A healthy friendship involves reciprocity, which means that you both talk about what has happened to each other and receive support from the other.
  • Maybe the person doesn't even realize what he's doing! Take a subtle hint next time. Say something like “I wanted to talk about what happened yesterday, but I think you want to talk about other things” and watch for the reaction.
Identify Bad Friends Step 2
Identify Bad Friends Step 2

Step 2. Do you trust your friend to keep a secret?

If you're afraid to say something to him because it could turn into gossip, it's a sign that the person isn't trustworthy and something inside you says to be careful. How does this friend act on your secrets? Do you go out of your way to keep them or do you end up spreading them to other people?

Watch what he says about other friends. Does he keep his secrets or is he gossiping all the time? If it's the second case, think that he can do the same to you behind your back

Identify Bad Friends Step 3
Identify Bad Friends Step 3

Step 3. Beware of friends who use it or only go out with you when it's convenient

A real friend wants to be close to you because they appreciate your company. On the other hand, a bad friend tries to get something out of the situation. Pay attention to the signs below:

  • He just wants to go out when he needs a ride to go somewhere.
  • Always borrow money when you see each other and never pay it back.
  • Asks you to lie to his parents to cover for him.
  • He just wants to be close to you when he has certain people with him.
  • Go out with you only as a last option.
  • Push him to do things you don't want.
Identify Bad Friends Step 4
Identify Bad Friends Step 4

Step 4. A real friend is supportive and non-judgmental

A good friend has to be sincere, but also help you and root for your success. A bad friend keeps reminding you of what you've done wrong in the past, puts you in doubt, and judges you when you try something new.

For example, if you tell a friend that you want to join a basketball team and he says “Do you think this is really a good idea? You are very bad and short”, shows that he is not a person who supports him. A good friend would try to cheer him up and offer help to prepare for the tests

Identify Bad Friends Step 5
Identify Bad Friends Step 5

Step 5. Observe how your friend reacts when nice things happen to you

If he appears to be jealous, angry or has passive-aggressive behavior, it means he is unhappy with something inside himself. A real friend celebrates with you and tries to move away from negative feelings to support you.

  • Good friends can also be jealous at times, as it is a normal trait of human nature. However, if he can't put the feeling aside and be happy for you, maybe it's a sign that he can't share the good news with his “friend”.
  • In the same way, if the friend is just talking about negative things when something good has just happened, he is trying to let you down.

Try it:

the next time your friend reacts badly to good news, say something like, "I keep thinking you're not happy for me when you say these things." Don't say anything else and watch the reaction. Maybe he realizes he's done wrong and apologizes.

Identify Bad Friends Step 6
Identify Bad Friends Step 6

Step 6. Does he care about you even when you're seeing someone?

It's normal to have less time for friends in this situation, but you can't just cut off the relationship. If you feel left out or ignored whenever your friend is dating, there is something wrong with the way he or she handles relationships.

Also notice how he behaves when you have a boyfriend. Does he get jealous and needy or does he give a little more room for the relationship to move forward? Does your friend accuse you of spending more time with the other person than with him?

Identify Bad Friends Step 7
Identify Bad Friends Step 7

Step 7. Beware of a friend who intrudes too much in your personal life

Generally, friends want to know more about the details of your life, but an exaggerated interest in knowing and participating in everything is not good. Maybe he's jealous or wants to control you. If your friend doesn't respect the limits and decisions you make and gets irritated when you spend time away or interact with other people, be aware.

Remember that a true friendship takes time to develop. If the person insists on knowing everything about you right away in order to get closer, walk away

Identify Bad Friends Step 8
Identify Bad Friends Step 8

Step 8. Pay attention to friends who want to control you by giving absurd gifts

It's great to get a gift, but a bad friend uses “generosity” as a way to create a sense of obligation. Do you feel pressure to be friends with someone, to put a stop to bad behavior, or give something back? There is something very wrong with this friendship.

Be even more careful with friends who give expensive gifts after a fight or disagreement. They want to distract you from the problem and reestablish the relationship with the present, rather than solving the issue

Identify Bad Friends Step 9
Identify Bad Friends Step 9

Step 9. Notice how you feel after spending time with the person

Are you depleted or with renewed energy? Do you want to see him again as soon as possible or do you want to avoid him at all costs? The answers to these questions say a lot about how you feel about this friend. Listen to your own instincts. They give hints the brain hasn't processed yet!

Another tip is to watch what you say about your friend to other people. If you're always complaining or wanting to complain about him, chances are there's something wrong with the relationship

Method 2 of 2: Creating Healthy Boundaries

Identify Bad Friends Step 10
Identify Bad Friends Step 10

Step 1. Get your friend's attention when he's not nice to you, makes judgments, or uses you

There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and asking to be treated well, especially by someone you consider yourself a friend. Say something like: “I realized you only want to ride with me when you need a ride. You are using me to satisfy your needs!” or “I value our friendship a lot, but it looks like you only have time for your boyfriend. Can't we do something from time to time?"

  • How he reacts to what you say says a lot about his character. Someone who is a real friend should apologize and look for a way to change. On the other hand, if he only cares about himself, he will find a way to blame you.
  • It takes courage to defend yourself, so it's normal to be nervous.
Identify Bad Friends Step 11
Identify Bad Friends Step 11

Step 2. Say “no” when he asks for something you don't want to do

Good friends respect boundaries even if they don't understand or disagree. They don't pressure you to do what you don't want or get angry because you say "no."

  • For example, if you tell your friend that you don't want to have a party while the parents are away, he has to respect your decision and not force you to do what you want.
  • Be kind when you turn down the request and remember that a “no” doesn't make you a bad friend. It's a good idea to also explain the reasons for him to understand better.
Identify Bad Friends Step 12
Identify Bad Friends Step 12

Step 3. Have a frank conversation with your friend about how you feel

If the relationship is not balanced, talk about it directly to improve the relationship. Show that you value friendship and that's why you want to chat with him.

Don't use phrases like “you always” or “you never”. It's better to speak in the first person, such as: “I feel like you have no interest in talking to me because you never respond to my messages” or “I get hurt when you spread my secrets. Looks like I can't tell you anything.”

Identify Bad Friends Step 13
Identify Bad Friends Step 13

Step 4. Give friendship time if you don't know exactly what to do

However, you don't need to scare your friend. Give him an excuse to be away for a week or two and then talk to him again. Notice how you feel after that time. If you are relieved and well, perhaps the best thing is to end the friendship.

  • Don't date him. Do not text or call. Tell him you have other things to do when he talks about going out. Be careful to be polite and not offend him.
  • Tell him that you are working on a school assignment, that things are complicated at home, or that you have the flu and need to rest.
Identify Bad Friends Step 14
Identify Bad Friends Step 14

Step 5. Start walking away if the situation naturally leads to that outcome

It doesn't mean that the friendship is completely over, but that you are not as close as before. Don't cling to a friendship without a future, prefer to make new friends and try other things.

  • It is still possible to treat the person well. Be polite, greet her when you see her, and don't badmouth her to others. Unless it's a dangerous situation, there's no point pretending your old friend doesn't exist.
  • Perhaps you will get closer again after several months apart.

Tip:

it's normal to experience a sense of loss when a friendship comes to an end. Change is often unpleasant, but remember that time heals all wounds.

Identify Bad Friends Step 15
Identify Bad Friends Step 15

Step 6. End the friendship if the person is toxic and doesn't want to change

In some cases, it's better to say clearly that you don't want to go out with your old friend anymore than to just walk away. You can do it in person or by message. If you want to speak by message, be careful with the words because they can end up in someone else's hands and you could be misinterpreted. In general, it's better to talk face to face.

  • Be as objective and honest as you can. For example, say something like: “I think we should stop going out together. Our friendship isn't cool anymore and it's best for each one to go their own way.”
  • Let the person respond and react to what you said. Even if you're not going to change the decision, listen to her and let her finish the conversation.

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