Developing a friendship with the person we are in love with can be a challenge. Maybe you don't have the patience and you can't hide your feelings well, but remember that dating that comes from friendships is very rewarding. Become friends with the boy, see if he matches your other friends, and when the time is right, let him know how you really feel. Hiding your feelings for too long is unhealthy, and if the friendship is genuine, this guy will listen to what you have to say and value your presence in his life anyway, no matter what.
Part 1 of 3: Making Friends with an Unknown Guy
Step 1. Talk to his friends
Boys can get lonely or isolated easily, especially when they start to suffer from teasing peers. Make friends with his friends to show that you are part of the gang and trustworthy. Learn group dynamics and find out how to fit in.
Be honest when talking. Everyone will notice if you feign interest to get something
Step 2. Start an extracurricular club
It doesn't matter if the club is about books, movies or beer, the important thing is to share an interest with the guy. Invite others so that you are not the only two members of the club, and be careful that this does not sound like a date as the friendship is just beginning.
Club members may meet once a month or week. The goal here is to do something together to strengthen the bond of friendship, but without smothering the other person
Step 3. Find a new hobby
Keep busy, your life shouldn't revolve around this friendship. Also, a new hobby will provide more conversations for both of you, even if the boy has no personal interest in it.
Enroll in a course. Choose a subject you've always been interested in so you won't be bored during class
Step 4. Do volunteer work whenever possible
You will feel good about yourself for being able to give back to the community, and besides, altruistic and kind people are always more attractive. Perhaps the boy wants to participate too, or is inspired to look for his own volunteer opportunities.
- See if your school offers or suggests any volunteer activities for you.
- Volunteer in places that interest you. That way, the boy will understand better what you like to do.
- Animal shelters, nursing homes and soup distribution points for people in need are good options for places that accept volunteer service.
Step 5. Enjoy sports
It's pretty obvious that most guys enjoy playing and watching sports, but don't think you two need to root for the same teams or enjoy the same sports. Enjoying your own team or sport can also make you more interesting in the boy's eyes.
Many boys like to watch sports games together and talk about their favorite players. Find something you like about a sport and focus on that point. You don't need to know every detail, but you should really like the sport in question
Step 6. Burp when you feel like it
The boys find the body noises hilarious, and you can have fun seeing how far you can push your own disgusting limits. Don't feel insecure, just follow the behavior patterns of other kids.
- Challenge the boy to a burping competition and tell jokes with the same kind of humor used by his friends.
- The old myth that girls don't have bodily functions or can't act disgusting or funny is totally outdated and is even detrimental to cross-gender relationships. Show that you are not a strange and weird creature, but a human being just like any other, and that the two of you can act genuinely and feel comfortable in each other's presence.
Step 7. Attend happy hour
If you are old enough to drink, happy hour is a good opportunity to get to know someone better in a social context. Invite your friends and ask the young man to invite his. This is a fun, economical social activity, and it shouldn't resemble a date at all.
If you need transport, establish a round driver or use transport apps. If you drink do not drive
Step 8. Reassess how you view men
Don't assume that people of opposite genders can't just be friends. It's easy to fall into gender stereotypes, but see this guy as an individual who has his own ideals of friendship. You must be able to have different perspectives on things and at the same time enjoy each other's company.
Learn about the boy's tastes and, if his interests match yours, speak up! For example, maybe you two like comics or baking different things
Step 9. Keep in mind that guys also see the chances of romance in a friendship
Studies show that boys would consider staying with their friends if given the chance. The beginning of friendship can be disheartening, but time is on your side.
Even if a guy doesn't find a girl attractive right away, he may change his mind over time, realizing how much the two have in common and how smart and funny she is
Step 10. Don't press it
Studies show that people of both sexes are provoked by peers to turn a friendship into a love relationship. Don't feel obligated to do something that doesn't make you comfortable. Be honest with these friends and say that you are uncomfortable with the pressure and teasing.
Boys can be mocked even more for having a friendship with a person of the opposite sex. Friendships like this are not seen as something "masculine" because in them the boy assumes a vulnerable position and shares secrets with a girl
Part 2 of 3: Repressing Feelings
Step 1. Hide your true feelings
Be supportive when he wants to talk about the girl he's in love with or his current date. After all and above all, you are a good friend. Focus on your hope for a loving relationship. At worst, you will have a very close friend for whom you can always be happy.
For example, if he opens up about his crush, don't talk bad about her or gossip. Your image will be compromised
Step 2. Don't lose self-control
It is normal to feel desire, but getting carried away by emotions can cause problems. Before declaring yourself, you must have a very clear idea of the boy's feelings, or you risk losing a good friend.
Don't ask the guy to date right away. Get to know him better and find out if he likes you too
Step 3. Prepare for awkward moments
Many movies and television series portray romance between friends as an embarrassing mistake or embarrassing situation, and if you don't transition properly, this could be the case. Think positive and believe that friendship will survive any romantic involvement. Embarrassment is inevitable when romantic feelings are at stake, unless either of you decides to say how you feel.
One or another embarrassment is normal, especially if you are shy or inexperienced. Be patient, calm and understanding. Don't be frustrated
Step 4. Go out in groups
Don't give anyone the wrong impression. People may start asking questions if they ever see you together, so limit the time you spend with the boy and try to include other friends in the activities whenever possible.
It's okay to go to the movies, but dinner can create rumors and make everyone suspicious
Step 5. Be prepared to hear extremely sincere comments
Guys can be brutally honest, so be prepared to hear rude opinions and harsh comments. For example, you might not be happy with his answer if you want to ask him if he looks good today.
Make it a two-way street. If he's brutally honest with you, be brutally honest with him. Show that the boy can trust you as much as he trusts his other friends
Step 6. Avoid loving gestures
Don't give in to the temptation to hug him or rest your head on the boy's shoulder. He can see your intentions if you're too sweet, so don't blur the line between friendship and courtship. Wait until you feel ready and confident, or he might get defensive.
For example, avoid trying to be with the guy before you know how he feels. Even if the person likes you, it's best to find out if they feel comfortable having any intimacy
Step 7. Don't ask or give loving advice
Unlike girls, boys don't share many details of their romantic lives, so don't expect him to open up to you. Also, don't talk about your own relationship either, as he will be confused if he takes an interest in you. Always keep a platonic tone in conversations.
If you start to share details of your love life, the young man may think that he is only seen as a good friend. Or, if he's seeing someone, maybe you end up talking bad about the other girl out of sheer jealousy. Don't get in the way of his romance opportunities and don't force him to choose between another girl and you
Step 8. Don't behave like his girlfriend
Avoid flirting or being overly affectionate. When the guy acts like an idiot or inappropriately, tell him so. Praise when he's a good friend and scold him when he's not.
- Acting like a girlfriend can upset the guy. He may find her needy and possessive, which will lead him to avoid her.
- Don't jump to conclusions, even when he's flirting. If you don't know if you are a couple, ask them and respect their answer.
Step 9. Don't take advantage of his vulnerability
If your friend is facing separation or death in the family, don't try to take advantage of their emotions to jumpstart a love relationship. He will feel used and angry.
Boys can be flattered when they find out that a friend likes them, unlike girls, who are often sad and upset because they feel the trust in the friendship has been lost
Step 10. Avoid comparisons
Don't try to compare yourself to the girl he is fond of or his current girlfriend, it will only cause anxiety and frustration. Don't act like a jealous girlfriend when the two of you are just good friends.
Don't change your personality to try to win him over. You can't force someone to fall in love, so keep your dignity
Step 11. Never deduct anything
Don't try to convince yourself there's something there. Maybe he says he loves you, but only as a good friend. He might also say that he can't imagine life without you, but only as a remote possibility and not something immediate. Be careful not to be embarrassed.
If he's already involved in other ambiguous relationships, the boy may try to play the same game with you. Make sure he doesn't have any other romantic interests or serious girlfriends
Part 3 of 3: Taking the initiative
Step 1. Interpret the signs
Has the guy already introduced you to all his friends and stopped talking about other girls when he's by your side? Does he want to spend more time alone with you and plan date-like activities? Your friend will be able to send various signals, so be careful.
Does he always talk about being single and mention imaginary scenarios of a possible relationship between you? A boy's body language may change and he may become more sensitive and affectionate than usual. He may also start acting like he's your boyfriend, or asking questions to try to find out how you feel
Step 2. Make your intentions clear
What is obvious to you may seem vague and confusing to him. Convey an extremely clear idea of how you look at friendship and whether or not romance is the most logical step to take.
It's normal to find out that dating is not a good idea, so don't lose the friendship by trying to force a relationship
Step 3. Say how you feel
If you don't want the boy to see you as one of the other friends or a temporary fling, let him know how you feel. Be direct and completely honest. Open dialogue is the key.
Be honest, because no relationship will last if one day a lie is discovered. You will also be able to better control expectations if you are honest with yourself
Step 4. If you decide to be with someone else, don't hide it from your friend
You cannot protect his feelings, nor yours. In addition, the young man may begin to reflect more on his own feelings when he discovers that you have a love life. Don't be vague and don't allow him to be vague about any intimate encounters.
You both need to be honest about your current sexual activities, because you will need to protect yourself from STDs if the friendship develops into a more physical relationship
Step 5. Be honest
Laugh and leave it behind if not reciprocated. The more you repress your feelings, the more difficult it will be for you to be a good friend. Don't start a friendship or romance with a lie.
Respect his answer. Don't try to force him to like you. The more you press it, the further it will pull away
Step 6. Prepare for the consequences
Anticipate all possibilities if you intend to turn friendship into courtship. Depending on the dynamics of the relationship, the boy may react in a number of different ways. Perhaps he is amused, flattered, angry or embarrassed.
- Again, respect your answer. If he gets nervous, probably even friendship wouldn't work.
- If he enjoys or delights in your onslaught, that's good - give him some time to process the information and don't pressure him.
Step 7. Be patient
Give it time if you experience a rejection. The boy will support you if he is a real friend, as well as listening to what you have to say and always trying to think your best. He won't hurt her, otherwise this guy doesn't deserve to be her friend, let alone her boyfriend.
If the boy rejects you, step back and give him space. Keep being friends with him, but avoid trying to date him, especially if he doesn't want anything to do with you
- Be yourself when you're around him.
- Don't let your feelings down too much, or you could be embarrassed.
- Take the courage to speak your mind and be yourself.
- Chat with his friends the same way you would chat with your usual friends. Be friendly and open-minded.
- Don't change your personality for anyone. This person will not like who you really are if you are not won over by your real personality.
- Don't talk about potentially embarrassing subjects like sex if the boy is very shy.