Nobody is loved by absolutely everyone. The world doesn't work that way! The problem starts when we are forced to live with someone who doesn't like us at all, no matter the reason; whether at work, at school or with friends of friends. This type of situation can make daily life difficult, and to resolve this you will need to show that you are nice and change the person's impression.
Method 1 of 2: Finding the Reason for Hate
Step 1. Find out if the person really hates you
“Hate” is a strong word and almost no one truly feels it, even more without reason. Does this person really hate you or is it just in your head? With that in mind, here are some signs that can indicate whether or not there is enmity on the person's part:
- Make your life difficult on purpose.
- Ignore what you say during group conversations.
- Talking bad about you behind your back.
- Be rude and insult him, even subtly, whenever the chance arises.
Step 2. Investigate the reason for this enmity
Don't beat around the bush, get straight to the point. Most of the time, the problem is not you, but the fact that the person is naturally angry. You can bet she'll be taken by surprise and run out of words if there's no reason to hate him. Also, if there is a real reason, you can solve it:
- If the person in question is embarrassed, give your best smile and say "It's okay, we can try to get along well from now on."
- If she gives the reason, respond “Good to know. I'm trying to be a better person and not do that anymore." Enjoy and talk about things you are really improving on yourself, like making less of a mess or being more respectful, for example.
- On the other hand, if the person is unreasonable and irrational, remember that no one is perfect and get on with your life. Don't waste energy on an incorrigible asshole.
Step 3. Try to remember the last times you were together
Is it possible that you dumped, forgot to do something you promised, or even offended the person, even if you didn't mean to? Maybe you've complained about something, like saying your maid is fifteen minutes late while the person can't even pay their own bills. This sort of thing can make a very bad impression, so reflect on your last interactions and try to reverse the situation; after all, nobody is perfect.
Step 4. Approach the problem with your head held high
Once you find the reason, work on correcting that bad impression. Don't act defensive or diminish the person's impression by saying things like “it was your impression”, “I wasn't rude” or “you're too sensitive”. Smile, apologize if necessary, and commit to being better in the future. Explain that you have disagreements, but that you are willing to correct them for a healthier relationship – anyone would respect that attitude. Otherwise, be aware that you have tried your best and acted maturely.
- Be direct but not invasive. For example, let's say the guy doesn't like you because you hit his car. Say something like “I'm sorry about your car, I should have been more careful leaving the garage. What can I do to make up for all the inconvenience?”
- If after all this you can't figure out what the problem is, say “Hi! I'm not sure why, but I realized you don't like me very much. I hope it wasn't something I did or said, but if it was, I apologize. What happened?"
Step 5. Deal with the fact that not everyone likes you
In reality this is a sign that you are living your life for yourself, of course the billions of people on the planet will not love you in unison. If you've tried everything and the person is still nasty, it's their problem, not yours. There is no formula for changing this and, in fact, for what? Knowing that you did your best to get along, if that didn't happen, rest assured that you are better than this whole situation.
Hate is a passion. If someone makes all this disliking you, chances are the problem is in their life and you're just an outlet for that pent-up anger
Step 6. Avoid the person to avoid these feelings
Although this is not always possible, there are measures that can be taken so that it is not part of your life. What is the advantage of living with someone like that? With that in mind, block phone contact, ignore her when they meet, and erase her existence from your mind. In general, trolls fail to be patient when the interaction has ceased. Do not give fuel to a toxic person.
Step 7. Go ahead
Make friends with other people; many will love him, but others will hate him, life is just like that. Start from scratch with strangers, don't be put off – in the end, that's exactly what the person wants. You're already in a position of superiority, so drop that bag-less-handle.
- grumpy people complain about everything: do not underestimate this fact.
Method 2 of 2: Ending Hate with Kindness
Step 1. Offer help to your “nemesis”
Of course, this goes against anyone's wishes, but it's a good measure. Find out how you can be useful to him using your best attributes, do simple things and don't rub it in his face – don't expect gratitude. The idea is not to win sympathy, but to be a good person with anyone, including those who hate you. For example:
- When your “enemy” has nothing to eat, buy a sandwich and leave it on his table.
- If he makes a joke that everyone thinks is funny, laugh along with it.
- If he reacts with anger and aggression, smile and walk away. Maybe this isn't even hate, but a defense mechanism, probably generated by loneliness.
Step 2. Ask the person for help
According to studies, asking for help is more efficient than offering it in these situations. What's more, you'll still get free labor! Ask for something simple and easy or pet her ego with a more elaborate task. She will feel useful to you, and this can allay the animosity. This is part of reverse psychology, resulting from an aspect called “cognitive dissonance”.
On the other hand, forcing yourself to do things you don't agree with just to garner sympathy isn't worth it; if that person is trying to screw up your life, be damned. There are thousands of nice people in the world to waste time with a guy like that
Step 3. Strive to talk more
Take the first step in resolving enmity.
The person may simply reply that they don't like you. In these cases, accept that certain people just don't like each other. It's nothing personal
Step 4. Invite the person for coffee, ask them to go to the movies, go on a date with other people, go to their table and start a conversation; slap your face (not literally), she's likely to have that attitude because she doesn't know you
Most people are unsympathetic to those they don't know or don't understand. The first conversations will be awkward, but eventually you'll get along better. Even the bitterest of individuals needs friends after all.
- Start with the basics: "How was your weekend?" This may not be the most elaborate or interesting conversation, but it's the best you have to offer right now, and it's a very versatile icebreaker.
- Ask questions about her instead of talking about yourself. If the person already hates you, it will only make the situation worse. On the other hand, anyone likes to talk about themselves. Do your best to listen, get to know him better to be a closer friend.
- Discover common interests. Simply ending the person's anger is not enough, especially if you want to develop a friendship. See if there's anything you can talk about, like sport, motorcycles, dancing, collecting beetles, etc.
Step 5. Try to find him away from the hostile environment like school or work
Ask him to go to other places, preferably with other people. He'll likely decline the invitation if only the two of you go – and you wouldn't have an iota of fun. However, a class occasion facilitates conversation and can even lead to friendship.
Step 6. Be friendly to his friends
When they realize that you are not the antichrist, it will be easier for them to convince your enemy that you are just a nice person. Don't feel like you're robbing his friends, in reality you're trying your best to be nice to everyone. They will certainly be good allies to end this climate.
- Don't try too hard to please him. Act naturally and be yourself. If you're desperate to make friends, it might be better to look for other people; after all, even if you make friends with your nemesis, it will be difficult to trust him the way you trust other friends. The idea is that he likes you for who you are.
- Find out what kind of person he is, go after common interests and try to strengthen your relationship from there.
- Be courteous and ask the basic questions when he approaches you: “Can I help you? Would you like some water or coffee?”.
- Don't talk negative things about yourself to put him at ease – he will likely feel superior and act condescendingly. Be positive and show off your best features. This will awaken in him the desire to be around.
- Don't try to change who you are. Poor hygiene habits, harmful habits, all of these can and must be corrected, nothing prevents you from being a better person. However, don't force yourself to have a different personality to fit in. Improving yourself is different from canceling yourself.
- Trying to impress too much can make you look like a show off. Do not exaggerate.
- Always be kind. Don't stare, it's okay to be a little evasive. If you want to be friends with that person, but the feeling isn't reciprocated, chances are none of this will work. If this situation occurs at school, focus more on studying and making friends with teachers and other students. Stay away from rude people, be true to yourself; if that person doesn't like you for who you are, look for someone who values you as a true friend, with mutual respect and admiration.
- If nothing changes this feeling, be sure to be polite, but don't lose your hair because of the person. You did what you could, and if she doesn't match it, it's not worth it.