While it may seem a little daunting to approach a stranger to talk, it's possible to turn this challenge into something very exciting and informative, just use the right techniques. The first step is to present yourself in the most animated way possible. After that, start asking open-ended questions to get to know the other person better. Finally, employ some sure-fire strategies to keep the conversation going and know the exact time to end it.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Introducing Yourself
Step 1. Read body language
Before going to a stranger to start a conversation, learn to read between the lines. You have to be sure that now is, in fact, the right time to get closer. To do this, check the person's non-verbal language. See how she is sitting or standing and what her facial expression is. Does she seem to be open for conversation?
- For example, go your way if you find someone with their shoulders hunched, their arms crossed, and a frown. However, a person who appears to be relaxed and excited may be interested in talking to you.
- Even after the conversation is in progress, keep checking the other person's body language to decide if it's time to end the conversation or change the subject.
Step 2. Approach in a receptive way
Once you've decided to greet the person, demonstrate positive, friendly body language: turn your face toward them, smile slightly, lift your chin, and put your shoulders back. The goal is to appear calm, confident and receptive.
Step 3. Introduce yourself
After approaching, make your presentation. Say hello happily and say your name. Then use the triangulation technique, that is, make an observation that is common to both.
- Here's an example presentation: “Hi, I'm Daniel. I see you are also waiting for Dr. Dorival. How long have you arrived?”.
- A compliment is also a good complement to the presentation, for example: “I like your haircut!”.
Step 4. Reach out to shake hands
It's like signing a contract, so offer your right hand wide open so the person can shake it. When the two hands touch, close yours firmly – but with the same amount of force as the other uses.
Why is a handshake so important? The brain receives the signals from physical contact and understands that the relationship between you is important
Step 5. Use the person's name often
After she says the name, memorize it and say it several times throughout the conversation. With that, the person will develop affection for you and will soon see you as if they were old friends.
- For example, as soon as she says the name, say, "Hey, Paulo, what brings you here tonight?" Then, later on, say her name again: “What is the type of music you like the most, Paulo?”.
- To make it easier for you to remember the name, try to associate it with a characteristic of the person. For example: “Paulo is wearing a black blouse and João likes to listen to jazz”.
Method 2 of 3: Chatting
Step 1. Make eye contact
Friendly communication will never take place between two people looking in opposite directions. To be able to keep the conversation flowing, look each other in the eye. However, know how to dose; don't stare at the other all the time or ignore them completely.
In general, make more contact while talking than when listening
Step 2. Ask open-ended questions
There are questions that leave no room for the conversation to proceed, while others serve as fuel for it to move forward. To talk to someone you don't know, the best thing to do is to immediately ask an open question, which doesn't just accept a “yes” or a “no” as an answer, thus creating a universe of infinite possibilities.
Open-ended questions usually start with “what”, “how” or “why”; for example: “How did you meet Talita?”
Step 3. Listen
When asking someone a question, you need to demonstrate that you are also willing to hear the answer. Practice actively listening by turning towards the person and really listening to what they say. Then, before answering, try to fully understand the message that was given.
Step 4. Paraphrase
To paraphrase means to say in your own words something that has already been said. By paraphrasing, you are showing the person who heard and understood what they said. This is a way to show interest.
To paraphrase, make introductions something like this: “So, it means that…” or “See if I understand correctly…”
Method 3 of 3: Prolonging the Conversation
Step 1. Keep the positivity
People tend to interact better and longer when you keep the conversation positive. Don't expect the person to get irritated by the conversation or try to run away from it. Stay positive, friendly and open to all kinds of issues.
Even when you feel nervous or low in self-esteem, try to be confident. Trying to get out of a conversation or getting a reputation for being scared will only turn people off. If you're nervous, pretend trust until it spontaneously arises
Step 2. Have the person continue talking about them
Most people can talk for hours when they find someone willing to listen. Usually, they like to talk about themselves, the ideas and interests they have. Take advantage of this tip and keep it talking.
Show interest in the conversation by nodding your head and asking, "Really?!"
Step 3. Be humorous
Everyone loves to laugh, however, no one wants to sit down to talk and listen to a barrage of jokes. Therefore, to win someone in a good mood, prefer to use a funny idea that has to do with the context instead of telling ready-made jokes.
For example, if you are waiting for an order at the restaurant, say, “Oh my God! If I had known it would take so long, I would have brought food from home. If you hear my stomach growl, please ignore it.”
Step 4. Find common interests
People tend to be attracted to those who can understand them, so pay close attention in the conversation to try to discover opinions and interests they may have in common; take advantage of these coincidences to highlight how similar they are and go from there to build a solid relationship.
Say something like this, for example: "I think alike!" and “What a coincidence, I'm from the countryside too!”
Step 5. Avoid talking too much about yourself
Prefer to talk about light or neutral topics, unless you want to push the person away right away. It's okay to open up to a close friend, but doing the same with someone you've just met is very awkward. Opening up too much leaves the other person in an uncomfortable situation.
For example, it is not recommended to tell a new acquaintance that you have been struggling with some kind of illness
Step 6. Finish at the right time
The key to a good conversation with a stranger is knowing when to end it. To do this, look at his body language. Is he tossing and turning or distracted by something, like his cell phone or a book? If so, it's time to leave. Ideally, the conversation should end in a positive way.