Having friends is one of the best things in life, but over time, some experiences and for many other reasons, it's possible that a friend changes his mind and the relationship ends. It is not so easy to see this, it is necessary to pay attention to some signs to find out if this is the case. If there is something wrong, you can try to reverse the situation or rethink whether this friendship is worth fighting for.
Part 1 of 2: Looking for clues
Step 1. Find out if your friend has a negative attitude towards you
Swearing, belittling, and fighting for any reason are not common things in a healthy friendship, and if your friend is doing this, you can have a direct conversation and ask him to stop; if he doesn't stop, it's a bad sign.
- Tasteful teasing and ironic remarks can even be mistaken for making fun, but they can also be used with the intention of hurting, while some insults are more subtle. For example, your friend may praise something negative about you or blame you for their personal problems directly or indirectly. Most of the time, he will try to pretend this is a joke and make even more fun of your face for taking it seriously.
- On the other hand, your friend may not even realize you're doing this. If you're confused, ask directly, and if he really didn't notice, he'll apologize immediately.
Step 2. Think about the frequency of communication
A friend who doesn't care wouldn't make the slightest effort to stay in touch. In addition to not speaking in person, this includes exchanging emails, text messages or any other form of communication. If you haven't spoken for a long time, this friendship probably doesn't exist anymore.
- This aspect can refer to both the quantity and quality of conversations. You may talk less often or conversations may be shorter than before and the topics you have to talk about are no longer common to both of you.
- It's important to note if you always take the initiative to talk to each other. Such an effort made only on your side may indicate that this person is not very interested in the friendship you offer.
Step 3. Think about how you find out about the news in his life
As with poor communication, if your friend doesn't tell you about the things that happen to him, it's because he doesn't care much for your relationship. Keeping up with these news through others and social networks is not very normal in a healthy friendship.
Step 4. Find out if your friend ignores you to go out with other people
Try to schedule something to do together and notice if he is always busy, but free to hang out with other people at the time – this is also a sign of rejection.
- It's normal to change tastes and develop an interest in new people and activities, but if you notice that your friend has a new class, maybe it's because it is more suited to his new life.
- However, if your friend doesn't see anyone in particular and has become increasingly introspective and reserved, it could be a sign of a more serious problem, such as depression. If that's the case, get help from other mutual friends to talk to him and convince him to seek help.
Step 5. Reflect on how it feels to be together
Notice if your encounters with your friend are tense, if you feel anxious or uncomfortable around him, as this could indicate that the friendship is really turning sour. You may be pulling away naturally, or perhaps there is a more serious problem that you are not able to resolve.
Part 2 of 2: Discovering the reasons for the change
Step 1. Talk to your friend
Ask directly and honestly about the facts that catch your attention and indicate that the friendship is no longer the same. Even if these issues are not resolved immediately, you will be more aware if your friend still likes you or if he is angry about something. reason.
- Go with the intention of solving the problem, especially if you have reason to believe that your friend is angry. Show that you are willing to make it up to him for whatever the problem was, and encourage him to do the same.
- Use phrases that start with “I” when talking about the problem. Don't start your complaints with “you”, as this turns an opinion into a fact and appears to be accusatory. Prefer to speak for yourself, about how you feel when he does something that bothers you and then tell him what he does wrong and why you feel that way.
- On the other hand, if you think you've done something wrong and don't quite know what it is, ask your friend open-ended questions. This will give him the opportunity to express himself without having to be brief. Ask what you did wrong.
- After asking the question and apologizing, give him room to digest the conversation. Don't expect him to respond right away.
Step 2. Reflect on the changes in your lives
Over time, people make choices and decisions that take them to other places that usually don't involve old friends. Your friend may have developed new interests and found new friends that are more in line with those new interests.
Step 3. Don't get defensive
Finding out that an old friend doesn't have that much affinity with you can cause a lot of negative emotions. Of course, you don't need to repress yourself, but you can use them to meditate on yourself. Understand what you are feeling (whether it is hate, sadness, anger, fear, humiliation, etc.) and then think about what you will do about it.
Think about what you think your friend meant. People are not usually very aware of the impact they make with their words or actions. Showing that you were hurt can make him apologize; on the other hand, if he really meant to offend, think again if you want to keep that friendship
Step 4. Analyze your friendship
Your relationship may have become toxic, it happens. This type of relationship can cause physical and mental discomfort and your best option in this case is to walk away. If time has taken it upon themselves to push them away, it will be easier to do so, so think about whether this person is still a good friend or not.
- Some clues that it's a toxic relationship are asking for advice but then ignoring it, dumping problems in your head, fighting or competing constantly, and never being happy about your victories.
- A true friendship implies mutual support, keeping in touch and solving problems with respect and warmth. These attitudes come with effort and good friendships are kept that way. Both you and your friend must work hard for the relationship to work.
Step 5. Accept the facts
You can't force anyone to be your friend and that will likely make things worse. Don't see it as a failure, but as a natural change in both your lives.
- Avoid holding a grudge against your friend. People change and a friendship cannot always be maintained. Unless your friend has tried (or been able to) really hurt you, there's no reason to hold on to grievances.
- Keep an eye out for signs of depression and similar problems. Notice if your friend has distanced himself from everyone, as this is the first sign of many problems.