Sometimes, even a friend of yours can get carried away by envy and end up joining this wave. If he's jealous of you, there are several ways to tell. Pay attention to your interactions and see if the person has been underestimating what you say and becoming defensive. Pay attention to the behavior of all your friends – if any seem too pessimistic, it's likely to be out of envy. If so, you can talk and resolve the situation. A true friendship can survive these feelings.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Paying Attention to Interactions
Step 1. Pay attention to false compliments
An envious friend may want to play nice with praise, but the envy will show in what he says, as the praise may have other intentions. If you pay attention, you can see a disguised criticism there. That kind of compliment can be a sign of envy.
For example, this person may find a way to appear complimentary while actually insulting you. Let's say you got a new job. A dubious compliment can go something like, "That's great! They don't usually hire people with so little experience, but congratulations."
Step 2. Observe if this friend decreases your achievements
An envious person often feels bad about himself. Therefore, he has the need to diminish the importance of the achievements of the people around him. When there's good news, your friend can look for a downside or a way to say you didn't deserve it all that much.
- Imagine you got a 10 on the test. That person might say, "Don't be too hasty. We still have half the semester to go, so beware of overconfidence."
- In addition to belittling your accomplishments, some envious friends may even go a step further and make comments that overshadow any achievements you have. They can emphasize that they have already achieved something better and more important, such as: "I remembered that calculus class. It was a much harder subject than this one and I got a 10 on all tests and assignments. I got the highest average in the class.."
Step 3. Realize the absence of encouragement and encouragement
Self-assured friends celebrate each other's achievements. While some may enthusiastically congratulate you if something goes right in your life, an envious friend will react differently. He might say something short and thick, like, "Nice." This greeting will not seem heartfelt or truly cheerful.
Step 4. See if your friend is drifting away
An envious one may start to take distance. When someone is jealous, they can come to see their success as a symbol of everything they don't have. That way, you may find that the person is getting further away.
- A person who was once very present in your life may say they are "too busy" and always make excuses for not seeing you.
- You may notice that she makes time for other people in her social circle, but she almost never has time for you.
Step 5. Notice if your friend listens to you
A person with a big eye gets sick of hearing about the success of others. You may feel that your friend becomes disinterested whenever you start talking about work, college, or a new relationship. He can look away, stay on his cell phone and not comment or ask questions about your life.
Part 2 of 3: Paying Attention to Your Friend's Behavior
Step 1. Keep an eye out for pessimism
Envious people tend to have a negative outlook in general. They may find that others get along without trying hard while they struggle and don't get much. Such a friend can express pessimism in any type of conversation.
- He tends not to care much about your new endeavors. Let's say you want to learn something new. He can make a list of reasons for not going ahead with his idea.
- This friend is also pessimistic about himself. When you suggest a solution to his problem, he might list a bunch of snags for the solution not to work.
Step 2. Notice if he is imitating you
Envy can also manifest itself in the form of imitation. This friend of yours might try to copy some things you do to have a similar life. He can dress like you, imitate your tastes and mannerisms, talk and joke about the same subjects as you, and so on.
He may also try to outsmart you by imitating you. Let's say you start running 20 minutes a day. This envious person might want to run for 30 minutes
Step 3. Check if he complains of unfairness
Your big-eyed friend may make constant complaints about the unfairness of things and situations. For example, he might say, "It's so unfair that only you are lucky in life. You get all the jobs that pay well and I'm stuck in this dead-end crap." Pay attention to these laments and accusations of unfairness, as the person often blames external circumstances for not achieving the same things as you.
Step 4. Analyze if your friend likes to draw attention
Jealous people tend to want the attention of others by nature. Notice how your friend behaves around other people. An envious person always tries to be the center of attention.
- He can show off on social media, posting very good and happy things about his life, and make friends with your friends, because he's dying to get approval from the people closest to you.
- An envious friend may want attention in group situations, telling jokes in a flashy way or creating the funniest stories. He may interrupt someone else's anecdote with an even more absurd and flashy one.
Step 5. Monitor the person's social behavior
Your envious friend might try to delete you. Maybe he goes out with other people and not you and others stop inviting him to outings and events. It could be that your group will start giving up or lying, saying they are busy with work or homework to actually hang out between them.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with an Envious Friend
Step 1. Put yourself in the person's shoes
Think about the reasons your friend might be jealous and analyze their emotional state. If he is going through a bad phase, he may be more prone to envy. Without realizing it, you may be talking too much about yourself and your achievements, unwittingly encouraging this feeling. In that case, make some small behavior changes to stop showing off so much. However, the main idea is to understand where all this comes from so that you can talk about it properly.
- Maybe your friend is having a hard time. Has he had a recent setback? Problems at work or in romantic relationships can make a person more prone to envy.
- Reflect on your role. Of course, your friend might be happy for you and all the cool happenings in your life, but it might be harder for you to be overly excited if you're in a bad way. Maybe you're talking a little too much about yourself and your achievements.
Step 2. Notice your friend's insecurities
Do your best to be compassionate and understanding. He is likely to have many insecurities that he expresses through envious behavior. It could be a lack of self-esteem, low self-confidence, and maybe even a touch of sadness. Maybe he's never had the same opportunities in his life.
In general, those who feel good about themselves have greater self-esteem and are not usually envious. However, people who hide insecurities are more prone to such behavior
Step 3. Talk to him
After putting yourself in the person's shoes, talk to them. Pick a time when both are free and say that you want to talk, for example: "I'm finding you've been a little envious lately. I wanted to talk because I value your friendship."
- Approach the conversation with an open mind. Even if your friend doesn't behave sensibly, he may express complaints according to his point of view. Perhaps you were insensitive to a problem without realizing it.
- After opening your heart, listen to what your friend has to say.
Step 4. Find a solution together
Are you willing to preserve the relationship? So find a mutual solution. Tell your friend how he should change and commit to change too if he is contributing to the problem.
- For example, you might agree to ask questions before sharing good news. Sometimes your friend doesn't want to hear about your success.
- He may be willing to confess his envy so that you don't exaggerate when talking about your victories.
Step 5. Stand back if necessary
If the negative behavior persists, it's best to take a break. You can either cut off contact piecemeal or confront him directly by saying something like, "I think we'd better back off a bit because of your envy. I hope you understand." It's sad to lose a friend, but envy can be toxic. It's okay to want distance if need be.