It's not cool when an old friend seems to lose interest in you - maybe they've made new friends, or maybe they're going through a transition that takes a lot of time and concentration. Regardless of the reason, some strategies can help you regain your friend's attention: try to give the person more space and change the way you interact with them. If none of this works, maybe it's time to rethink the friendship.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Interacting with Your Friend
Step 1. Offer help if he needs it
Look for some way to make a positive contribution to the person's life, as that way they'll be more likely to pay attention to you. Cultivate a sense of community, or even family, with her - the ability to find ways to help your friend will also enable a selfless friendship based on give and take rather than a relationship that is just to pass the time.
Offering a helping hand in an area you've mastered well can also improve your reputation with the person, causing them to pay more attention to the friendship in the future. If you're really good at math, for example, offer to help this friend with their homework and show them how useful your knowledge can be. That way, he'll know he can always count on you when he has problems like that, and you'll likely get more attention from him at all times, not just when solving a math exercise
Step 2. Make conversations livelier
Instead of talking about the same things over and over, look for new and interesting topics to discuss with your friend - other people will be more likely to ignore you or even guess what you're going to say if your topics are too repetitive, so leave a little mystery in the air so that no one knows what you're going to talk about or what aspect of your personal life you're going to share with friends. They won't want to miss a single comma!
Also, take the time to listen carefully to your friend's interests so that you can contribute significantly to conversations about their favorite topics - most people like to feel listened to and valued
Step 3. Surprise him
You can surprise your friend with anything, like a gift, a trip or a lunch - the price doesn't matter, as the goal here is not to buy anyone's affection. Instead, the surprise should show how special this friendship is.
A great gift may cost nothing or be very cheap, but still carry a lot of meaning. Show that you pay attention to your friend by remembering a special day or even submitting their favorite singer's new song - what's important here is the intent, not the price
Step 4. Expect to receive priority
Behave like someone who deserves attention, and maybe your friend will act accordingly too - show that you want to spend time with them and strive to be a real friend, making it clear that you expect to be treated the same.
Make a commitment to yourself not to accept being treated as anything but a priority in your friend's life - you have to believe that you deserve that kind of love and connection
Method 2 of 3: Occupying time with other things
Step 1. Spend time away from him and contact him less often
Give your friend some space to gain their attention in the long run, as maybe your company is so available that it's gone to the point where it's no longer valued - maybe the person is sure you'll be there whenever they want, soon, do not value your presence as you should.
If you ever find yourself waiting for a phone call from your friend, chances are he won't respect your time - stop trying to spend most of your time with him and try to fill your days with other activities
Step 2. Make new friends
If you are in doubt about this friendship, meet new people to find out what kind of friend works best with your personality - admit that you need attention and look for friendships that are willing to fill that need. Also, learn to be a good friend.
Make room in your calendar for other friendships, and limit the amount of time you can spend with your friend-that way, he'll understand that you have commitments to other people and maybe value his time more
Step 3. Take up a hobby
Look for an individual or group activity that might take up some of your time. You can start a very solid friendship if you find a friend with whom you share an interest, whether a beginner or an expert on the subject - take this time to improve your listening and learning skills, paying attention to what your new friends have to say about you themselves and on their own interests. People like to talk about themselves and are happy when they receive genuine attention from someone.
Finding an activity that you can do on your own is also a good idea to help you grow in other areas of life, as well as teaching you not to depend on others for fun
Step 4. Do something your friend would never do
This does not mean that you have to do some dangerous or illegal act, but rather that you can open yourself up to new challenges and make life more lively.
- Challenge this friend's vision of you by experimenting with a hobby he or she would never do or would never associate with your personality. Join an extracurricular club at school to enjoy the experience and make new friends, and add some mystery to certain aspects of your life to keep the other person interested.
- A little mystery can help you get a lot of attention from a friend who hasn't been paying attention to friendship lately.
Method 3 of 3: Reassessing Friendship
Step 1. Confront your friend about the problem
Admit your own feelings and tell them how you feel about not spending more time with the person, but instead of starting to complain nonstop or accuse the other of being insensitive, simply explain that you have noticed their absence and that you are feels upset about it.
- Be specific when describing the problem. If you are used to having lunch every day with the person, but things have changed all of a sudden, say that you miss such meetings. Offer ways to fill those moments if the activity in question is no longer possible.
- Say something like “I've been missing our lunches and it seems like we never see each other again. How about we do something on the weekend?”.
Step 2. Start sentences with “I” to show how you feel
Make your feelings clear and convey your concern without blaming the other person-rather than blaming them for not paying attention to you or complaining that they've made new friends, simply say how much you value that friendship.
Say, “I miss you so much. I'm sad that things have changed and that we don't spend more time together,” instead of saying he's a terrible friend
Step 3. Determine if you have been paying more attention to the friendship than the other person
Not every friendship will always be a perfect two-way street, but it is important that there is an exchange between the two of you. Has friendship met your needs? And are these needs realistic? Everyone should ask themselves this. Does your friend also feel that he needs attention or do all your interactions revolve around him?
Friendships change over time, and figuring out how much time you should spend on that relationship is entirely up to you. It's not because you have a history with this person that you will need to settle for a friendship that doesn't make you any happier
Step 4. Evaluate the pros and cons
Make plans to resolve current issues without losing this friend - if the friendship still remains positive overall, but things have been tough lately, it's likely worth the effort to save the relationship. On the other hand, maybe it's time for each of you to go your own way if you feel you have lost more than you gain from the relationship.