Do you have a close friend who you like a lot but who gets insufferable from time to time? It's normal: every friendship is complicated. Maybe it's better to talk to the person and change the way you deal with them. Be honest, be dedicated and try to communicate clearly so that things don't go so far out of the ordinary.
Method 1 of 3: Changing the way you deal with the person
Step 1. Determine how your friend is irritating
What is he doing that makes him so uncomfortable? Is it too sticky? Gossip or say heavy things about you? Are you always making fun of your face? Or you don't even have a reason?
- It's good for you to understand the reason for this discomfort to know why you need to change your relationship with the person.
- If your friend is too clingy and needy, step away from him.
- If he says mean things about you, be honest and say what you feel.
- If you don't understand why you're so uncomfortable with your friend, maybe it's time for a self-assessment: Whose responsibility will it be?
Step 2. Spend a little time with your friend and other people at the same time
You can try to find him only when there are other people around to create a kind of “barrier” - and not have to talk to him as much. If he starts to bother you, take the opportunity to talk to the others present.
- Only go out with this friend if there are other people around. For example: make an appointment to meet the group and invite the boring one in a galoshes so that he doesn't feel left out.
- If your friend asks you for something alone, decline the invitation or ask if you can bring someone else.
Step 3. Limit contact with the person
Make some space in relation to your friend - if you want to keep him in your life. That way you will have a moment of peace and make it clear to the person that they need to change.
- Only answer and respond to the person's messages when it's urgent.
- If you have to call the person, leave it for when you're starting to take care of something else - so the conversation can be brief. For example: say “I just saw your call. I'm going to dinner with my family. What happened?".
Step 4. Ignore the person when they get annoying
Your friend may adopt certain behaviors just to test your reaction. If he says bad things about you or complains all the time, for example, he might just want to get attention or something. Don't react, or things could even get worse.
- The person will stop acting like this if you ignore them.
- For example, if she keeps making fun of others just to make you laugh, stop reacting and don't say anything about the comments she makes.
- If the person's other friends notice these behaviors, everyone has to stop reacting.
- When you ignore the person, don't roll your eyes or make a face. Even these physical reactions can trigger your friend's behavior or even hurt him.
Step 5. Encourage your friend to pursue new interests
If the person is too needy, advise him to look for new hobbies and companions to have more “options” available. So it could be that things get a little better.
- You might say something like "I love your friendship, but I think we need to meet new people."
- If your friend tells you about something they did without you, tell them it's good and you're proud.
- You can also suggest that your friend do certain activities that pique their interest-but not yours. For example, if he likes to draw but you don't, encourage him to enroll in a drawing course.
Method 2 of 3: Chatting with Your Friend
Step 1. Tell your friend how you feel
Maybe he has no idea he does annoying things. Plus, he probably likes you too much to act like that on purpose. Still, it's better to put all your cards on the table.
- For example: maybe he doesn't even realize that he makes a lot of jokes and jokes that make him hurt. In that case, say something like “I get hurt when you make fun of me like that. Can stop?".
- Be polite to talk to your friend. If necessary, write down or rehearse your speech.
Step 2. Hear your friend's point of view
Just as you're talking, he also has the right to express himself and try to explain why he's doing that. Ask if there's a reason, but be prepared for him to get angry and not want to change.
- If he doesn't want to change, you may have to adapt the nature of the friendship forever. For example, if he refuses to stop gossiping, it's better to create new barriers to intimacy in your relationship - and stop talking about certain subjects.
- Your friend may also be going through a phase or a bad time in his personal life. For example, maybe he is having problems at home and therefore wants to get your attention. In that case, listen to what he has to say to get to the source of the problem.
Step 3. Think of a solution with your friend
Maybe you can help him change. Explain that friendship is important, but that it has to adapt a bit so it doesn't end - and that everything is easier if the two cooperate. Don't be bossy or rude.
- For example, if he has to stop gossiping, tell him you'll tug his ear whenever he goes back to his old habits, or even create a hand gesture when something annoying happens.
- If your friend is irritating because he keeps complaining about things, offer your help to improve that aspect of their life.
Step 4. Give your friend time to change
Nobody changes overnight. If you talked to the person and they are willing to make some adjustments, be patient. Also, if you've created some intimacy barriers to friendship, it may also take some getting used to.
- Every friendship has its ups and downs and changes. As long as the two of you are willing to accept it, the relationship won't end.
- You may have to talk to your friend several times along the way.
Method 3 of 3: Deciding the Future of Friendship
Step 1. Identify the right time to end the friendship
Not every friendship is built to last, even if people try hard. Do your best before deciding to end the relationship - but go for it if:
- You and your friend are always arguing and you don't get along.
- If you are disappointed in yourself or in low self-esteem.
- If you are ever uncomfortable or nervous around this friend.
Step 2. Spend time apart from your friend
If you have doubts about whether or not you want to have any relationship with this person, stay away from them for a while to make a decision. So, you can clarify your ideas and look at friendship from a different perspective.
- When you decide to take a break, be specific about your reasons and the length of time. Say something like “We haven't been getting along well these past few months. I think we need some time. We can talk in a couple of weeks.”
- Take this time to think and write about friendship in a journal. Do you miss the person? Are you happier now? What needs to change?
Step 3. If necessary, put a permanent end to the friendship
You may have to make a final decision before the time for friendship runs out - and, of course, talk to the person. Don't cut her out of your life without any explanation; the decent thing to do is justify yourself.
- Be honest and respect the person's feelings.
- You can say “I like you a lot, but our friendship has changed. I'm sorry to say that, but I don't think we should be friends anymore.”
- Don't be mean to the person just because they're annoying.
- If the person is still irritating, talk to someone you trust, like a sibling, your parents, etc. They can help with thinking and a solution.
- If you want to end a friendship, take it easy.
- Say what you feel. If he can't or wants to accept the way you are, it's better to end the friendship and find someone who just enjoys your good company. It's hard to break up a relationship like that, but sometimes it's necessary - and it's worth it.
- Always tell your friend the truth. Don't lie about what's going on.
- Don't go straight to "I don't want to be your friend anymore." Withdraw from the person slowly, so that he/she realizes that you want some time alone.
- Reflect on that person's behavior. If she makes a few jokes now and then, maybe you can just ignore it. Don't badmouth her to others. Finally, if you are afraid to talk about it, write about it in a journal.
- Ask your friend to stop politely and without aggression. If he continues, repeat your request, also calmly. If it still doesn't work, speak politely but assertively. Finally, if the situation doesn't change, say how irritating this behavior is-and try to make suggestions for better actions.
- Don't ignore nasty things or your friend's obsessive behavior. You can overlook the first few times, but don't let it go cheap. Remember: you are not responsible for what he feels.