How to Apologize After You've Hurt Someone

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How to Apologize After You've Hurt Someone
How to Apologize After You've Hurt Someone
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We sometimes hurt those close to us – friends, relatives, co-workers or schoolmates. As difficult as it may seem, apologizing after making a mistake is a very noble thing to do. Reflect on what happened, take responsibility for your actions, and offer to make up for the mistake in order to fix things.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Preparing for the conversation

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Step 1. Take a moment to think about what you've done

It's common for our emotions to run high for a while after a fight or argument. With that in mind, keep in mind that you won't be able to sincerely apologize unless you fully understand that you acted wrongly. In addition to helping you on the journey of self-development, this exercise will keep you from apologizing for something you didn't do.

  • Take responsibility for your actions. The apology must be made according to the harm done. Perhaps it is, for example, the case of monetarily compensating the friend for the mistake made, in addition to verbally apologizing.
  • Make a list of all the reasons the person might be upset.
  • Meditating also helps a lot. After an argument, it's normal for our minds to get frantic. Take a moment, sit quietly in your room, and close your eyes. Think about what happened and reflect on your role in it. This quiet moment will shed a healthy light on the problem.
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Step 2. Write what you are thinking

Sometimes just thinking about the problem won't be enough. Take the journal out of the drawer and write down how you are feeling about everything – your friend, yourself, and the fight. This exercise will make it easier to organize your thoughts in a constructive way.

In addition to journaling, you can take the opportunity to write a poem or song about what you are feeling

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Step 3. Talk to someone you trust

Sometimes the best thing to do is to listen to someone outside the situation. Because they have the most experience, parents and grandparents are usually the ones who offer the wisest advice. Talk to them so you can see the situation better and work towards a solution.

  • Say something like “I had a fight with my friend and I know I was wrong. Now I want to apologize. Would you have any advice to give me in this regard?"
  • Listen to what they have to say about you too. They might realize, for example, that you're often a bit hot-headed and that that was the reason for the fight. Listen to them carefully as they are older. Learn a few things about yourself and see how you can improve.
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Step 4. Put yourself in the hurt person's shoes

For the apology to come from the heart of your heart, you need to put yourself in the offended friend's shoes. Often our thoughts about fights are full of “me,” but this approach has never helped anyone to restore or improve a relationship. So focus on the person and what they are feeling when it comes to apologizing.

For example, if you've lost your friend's favorite sneaker, he'll be upset and, on top of that, he'll start feeling like he can't trust your hand at all. You'll apologize, but keep in mind that he won't trust you for quite some time. Your role from now on is to regain his confidence in the future

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Step 5. Recall past discussions

Before you apologize, put that specific situation in perspective. Fights often arise from problems that existed before, that is, they are not isolated occasions. Take time to reflect on what has happened before and how you could have stopped it from getting to the point it did. This exercise is important because you will need to apologize not for the isolated incident, but for everything you did until it all culminated in this exercise, especially if you've already gone wrong several times before.

For example, if the person is angry that you've been spilling their secrets, think to yourself: have you ever gossip about other people before? To start talking about the lives of others is to open the door to do the same with a friend not too late

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Step 6. Take a moment to resolve the issue

Now that you've thought about it a lot and know what you've done wrong, it's time to go to your friend to talk. Ideally, he'll do it himself, but if you feel he's not ready for this moment, that's fine. Ask him when would be a good time and let him know you're willing to talk on the phone if he wants to.

Call or send a message saying “I'm sorry for what I did. I am really sorry. I thought about it a lot and I want to talk to you in person”

Part 2 of 3: Sincerely Apologizing

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Step 1. Say why you came to apologize

Now that you've given yourself enough thought, it's time to verbally express exactly what you did wrong. State clearly what you did that you shouldn't have done.

  • By apologizing vaguely, your friend will feel that you are not being sincere and that you have not even thought it through. It's much nobler to put your cards on the table than to be full for nine hours.
  • Say something like “I'm sorry I called you that ugly name. It was very rude of me”.
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Step 2. Take responsibility

Even when apologizing, the human being wants to preserve himself. So don't get defensive. Admit absolutely everything you've done wrong without flinching. It will be much better this way. Be genuinely sincere.

A lot of people appeal to the “get-a-tat” saying things like “Look, I only did this because you did that”. If you do, you'll make your friend even angrier and it won't do you any good

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Step 3. Don't be right

Even if, in your head, you have an excuse for what you did, it doesn't change the fact that you hurt someone. If, in the future, your friend asks why you did such a thing, then give your perspective on the situation. Now is the time to apologize without justifying yourself. The goal is to end the disagreement, not prolong it.

  • Don't try to explain yourself. Be direct and move forward.
  • Don't be making excuses. You're not going to get anywhere if you keep making excuses, trying to get the blame off yourself. Accept that you are to blame for what you did and get on with life.
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Step 4. Avoid the most common mistakes made when apologizing

A lot of people apologize defensively, but there are other classic mistakes you need to avoid. These include saying things like "I'm sorry you thought this or that", "I'm sorry you get irritated so easily" and "I didn't mean to hurt you." These tattered spiels make a person feel that the guilt is partly falling on him. You will look like you are not speaking from the bottom of your heart. Avoid such statements at all costs. Apologize for what YOU did.

Here's a good example of a proper apology: “I'm sorry I left without telling you and I left you alone at the party. We had gone together and the right thing was for me to talk to you before leaving. I'm sorry I did that."

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Step 5. Open your ears to better understand the situation

You've thought a lot at this point, and even so, you may not yet fully understand the problem. Let the person speak and open both your ears and heart to hear them. It could be that this last occurrence was just the drop of water from a glass you've been filling over time.

  • Ask if there is anything you can do for the person in the future, or anything you can do to prevent such a thing from happening again.
  • Apologize for all the times you hurt the person on other occasions as well. Pay attention to what she says so the conversation doesn't get all focused on you and your apology. Only say “I'm sorry” if the request comes from the bottom of your heart.
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Step 6. Pay attention to your gestures and facial expressions

Keep an open and positive body language when apologizing. Don't cross your arms or legs, for example. You will be calm and relaxed.

When the person is talking, maintain eye contact without exaggeration. From time to time, look away. No need to stare at the interlocutor. Just make it clear that you're paying attention

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Step 7. Offer your friendship

Once you feel that the conversation has reached a mutual level of understanding and positivity, express your intention to maintain the friendship. It will be a good way to move on with the relationship and leave the waters behind.

  • Say something like “Once again, I just want to reiterate that I'm sorry I hurt you and that this will never happen again. I didn't want anything to change between us. Can we be friends again?
  • He's likely to take you back. However, be understanding if the answer is "no". The person has the right to refuse your friendship, especially if you have done something very serious.
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Step 8. If necessary, write a letter

If the friend doesn't want to talk in person or over the phone, respect their decision. However, that doesn't mean you don't need to apologize. With a sincere heart, write a letter stating what you did wrong, apologizing, and offering to fix the wrongs to make amends for the friendship. Leave the letter in his locker or email it.

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Step 9. If necessary, compensate it financially

If you have broken or lost an object that belonged to a friend, find out where to buy a new one for him. Some things like inherited family items are irreplaceable, but do your best to compensate the person anyway.

  • If necessary, borrow money from your parents and compensate the friend for the lost or broken item.
  • Another option is to get a part-time or temporary job to raise money. You will be able to fix the error and earn your friend's respect.
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Step 10. Give the person space

Even though the conversation went well, it could be that you two still need some time to think and unwind a little. Be respectful and give the friend time to process everything that happened. He'll definitely come back to talk to you later.

Don't be needy. Things will settle down at the right time. Don't smother your friend – it's the best thing to do in the long run

Part 3 of 3: Keeping up the good relationship and friendship

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Step 1. Avoid future problems

Keep in your heart the words said in that conversation so that you don't fight again in the future. Don't repeat the mistakes of the past and learn from them so that friendship can flourish and bear fruit.

  • For example, if the reason for the fight was that you took something from him without asking, never do that again.
  • Also, if there is something else you need to improve on yourself, start working on it now. For example, if you often forget appointments made with friends, learn to use your cell phone calendar so that this doesn't happen again. Your attitude will show people that you are taking concrete steps to prevent this from continuing to happen.
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Step 2. Keep your promises

When you went to apologize to your friend, chances are you made some promises, including acting differently in the future and not being rude, for example. In the friendship healing process, keep your promises not only to avoid arguments, but also to make the friendship last.

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Step 3. Reflect on good memories

With your friend, remember the good times you have spent together. How about picking up photo albums or looking at photos of the two of you on social media? These memories will strengthen the bonds between you and herald the good times to come.

After apologizing, you can even try to put some humor in the atmosphere in order to reconnect with the person

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Step 4. Have fun like you used to before

Don't just remember things. Go do them again! If you used to go to the beach, play sports or watch movies together, do it all over again. It will be a great way to remind each other of why they became friends and leave their disagreements in the past.

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Step 5. Forgive yourself

As you seek your friend's forgiveness, you may find yourself consumed with guilt for what you've done. However, after doing everything you can to fix the mistake, make peace with yourself as well. To brood over won't do anything. Water under the bridge do not move mills. Forgive yourself!

Tips

  • If the person doesn't accept the apology, don't be angry.
  • Give her space.
  • Don't yell or start another argument.

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