Friendships are built on trust. Trust is shared between two 'good' friends, and when it is violated, the friendship ends. It's difficult, sometimes impossible, to restore a friendship, and most of the time it's never the same. However, it may be possible to improve the situation with a little effort.
Step 1. Think about the situation
Why are you fighting? This is an important first step - your apology can seem meaningless if you can't explain why you're apologizing, and it can make fights worse.
Step 2. Talk to your friend
Tell him how you feel about what happened. Say you want you to be friends again, and talk about certain things you miss. If necessary, show your emotions by crying or hugging.
Even in the worst of circumstances, an honest face-to-face conversation may be all it takes to re-establish a bond
Step 3. Take the initiative
Be open about wanting to mend the friendship. Friends shouldn't play psychological games with each other. If you really love this person and want them to remain your friend, be open about how you feel.
- Apologize. You have to be honest; the person will notice if you don't go. It's the best way to explain your feelings. Leave a message on the answering machine if she has not answered your calls.
- Even if you think of yourself as the victim of the situation, it's important to apologize. Your friend is likely to feel the same way, and hearing you say you're sorry can help him realize that it won't hurt his pride if you apologize to you too.
Step 4. Stay calm and be open to what your friend says
Getting defensive will make your friend do the same; it will be harder for the two of you to work it out if that happens.
Step 5. Create an open discussion
When possible, if the friend agrees, sit down for coffee or something like that and talk about the situation. Wait at least three days to do this, as before that the person will probably still be upset. However, this depends a lot on the intensity of the fight. When your friend speaks, listen. Be honest with the things you have to say. Your friend will notice if you are faking it.
- Speak calmly and speak from the heart. Allow your friend to feel the pain you've been feeling and the loneliness you've felt since the friendship ended.
- Explain how much you value and miss the friendship and would like to talk in person.
- Tell a joke. Friends love jokes. Jokes are fun. Life should be fun. Life is not so good without your friend with you. When the tension starts to ease and you work out the details, lighten the mood. But be careful, don't make a joke that refers to the fight… ever. This can be seen as offensive and it may seem like you don't take your friend seriously.
Step 6. Put yourself in the person's shoes
Try to step back and see a perspective other than your own. This is a situation where you need to think critically. It is not simple to try to understand another person. Think about recent events in your friend's life. Try to understand why the relationship has reached such a heated level. To understand another person's perspective, you may need to talk to mutual friends or relatives. But be careful, a mutual friend can be dangerous. He might try to manipulate the situation for his own benefit, or the things you say might get skewed when he gets the message across to the friend you're fighting with.
Step 7. Learn from what happened
Never regret, because in life you learn and grow stronger with the mistakes you made and the problems you had to deal with.
Step 8. Show your friend you're sorry
This goes beyond conversations. Whether he forgives you or not, show him that you didn't want to hurt him and that you really regret what he did. Strive to put his needs above yours until you feel things are getting better.
Step 9. Fix your friendship little by little
Start talking to the person over and over, don't try everything at once.
- It's best to wait a few days until your friend's anger has subsided before confronting him. This gives the two time to calm down and think about what happened and how best to fix the incident.
- Let him know how you're feeling. Don't be rebellious, he might end up leaving without wanting to fix the situation.
- Try to be honest with yourself and your friend.
- Keep as calm as possible and don't yell at him.
- If he continues to hurt your feelings or doesn't show you respect, leave. Always remember that if he doesn't need you, you don't need him. There's always someone else in need of a good friend. Also, never apologize multiple times. There is a limit.
- Don't cry just because you want your friend to feel bad for you. If you don't need to cry, don't cry, as people often know when it's fake!
- Don't be too anxious. Don't call your friend every day crying about how much you want to fix things, it makes you look needy and your friend stays mad.
- A face-to-face conversation with the person is more likely to get their attention.
- Tell your friend how true your friendship is and how much it means to you.
- Actions speak louder than words. Don't just apologize, show with your actions that you're sorry and want the friendship back.
- Be a good listener. When the person has completely finished what they are saying, respond and share your thoughts.
- Don't talk about fighting with other people unless it's to ask for help in mending the friendship. Don't gossip about your friend while they're fighting.
- Don't tell them what they did wrong.
- When you see each other, give a hug and say "I'm sorry." Be honest and apologize for your lack of consideration. Tell me how much this friendship meant to you, and that you hope to be able to get it back.
- After mending the friendship, be more careful with your friend and don't fight again for the same reason. When you fight him again, give him reason. Gradually your friend will feel that you care about him, and that you would treat him the same, so take care of your friend! Friendship cannot be bought, it is something that gives us happiness and pain.
- Explain the problems clearly.
- Suggest committing yourself for everything that happened.
- It's okay to cry and show emotions, it shows you care.
- Cry, say you're sorry and beg the person to be your friend, you will tire them out until they agree.
- Don't hang around if the person doesn't accept your apology. If she doesn't care, she's not good enough to be your friend.
- Be careful not to explode when the person says something that might tempt you to get really angry. If you start screaming, you might miss the chance to be friends with her again.
- Do not leave repeated messages on the answering machine. Leave two or three, but not a hundred. The person will think you are too "sticky" and will not want to be around.
- Make sure you're not mad at the person anymore.
- Don't think that just because a person doesn't want to make up right now, he never will. Give it a little time!
- Don't try to influence the person into thinking they're not appreciated.