4 Ways to Call Someone You Haven't Talked to in a Long Time

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4 Ways to Call Someone You Haven't Talked to in a Long Time
4 Ways to Call Someone You Haven't Talked to in a Long Time

Unfortunately, losing contact with people is part of life. It's hard to take care of all relationships, especially when we get older and meet new people. If that happens-whether it's a longtime friend, a colleague, or even an ex-girlfriend-you can try talking to the person to see how they are doing. It sounds complicated, but it's pretty easy to do; if you're still thinking about the person in question, chances are they'll think about you too and be happy to hear from you!


Method 1 of 4: Getting Connected

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Step 1. Find out the person's number

If you haven't talked in a long time, maybe you don't even have each other's number anymore. Search your phone's contact list and, if you don't have it, use one of the following options:

  • Ask a mutual friend or colleague for the number.
  • Get in touch with the person through social media. If you are friends on Facebook or the like, send a message. Say something like "Hi Lucia! I was thinking about you a few days ago. Hope you're all right in São Paulo. My phone number is _____-____, if you want to talk anytime!"
  • Do a Google search. If you don't have the options above, go online. Hopefully, you'll find useful information about the person in a quick search.
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Step 2. Call at a suitable time when she is available

If you are unsure about the times, avoid calling too early, after 9 pm or during business hours, where people usually work or study (between 8 am and 5 pm). The best times are on weekend afternoons or between 6pm and 9pm on weekdays.

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Step 3. Say who you are

When the person answers, say hello and introduce yourself. If they haven't talked in a long time, the call will be unexpected - especially if she doesn't have her home phone or her number saved on her cell phone. Say something like "Hi, John. How are you? It's Nicole from college!"

Say where you know the person from. If they haven't talked in a long time, maybe she's met other individuals with your name, and doesn't think of you right away. Contextualize to make things easier

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Step 4. Tell the person that you have been thinking about them a lot

Surely you had good reason to pick up the phone and call. Even if it's nothing specific, explain yourself. If you want, follow the examples below:

  • "I just reread that book you gave me last year. Then I remembered our conversations!"
  • "I was thinking about you a few days ago."
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Step 5. If necessary, apologize for moving away

Sometimes people pull away naturally. However, if you feel that you could have kept in touch or that you are partly to blame for what happened, speak up.

  • Say something like "I'm sorry I disappeared after the wedding!"
  • Apologizing once is enough. Don't overdo it, or it may seem pushy and make the situation uncomfortable.

Method 2 of 4: Thinking About Topics to Keep the Conversation Alive

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Step 1. Ask how the person is doing

A simple "How are you?" just for her to tell the news. Listen carefully to what she says, not bothering to think about what to ask next.

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Step 2. Keep asking questions

You will probably be curious and want to know more about something the person tells you. Take the opportunity to continue talking.

  • If she says she's teaching at a college, for example, ask what subject.
  • If you can't think of anything to ask, talk about something that has to do with your relationship with the person. If they met at school, for example, ask her if she still has contact with her old friends.
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Step 3. Tell the person what you have done for your life

After she talks about what she's been up to lately, it's time for you to share your story. Talk about work, studies, and big changes you've gone through, as well as mentioning your adopted pets and hobbies.

For example: "I just moved to Rio, and I'm working for an NGO"

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Step 4. Say why you are contacting her

Perhaps you have a specific reason to talk to the person, such as asking for donations to a fundraiser or borrowing something. If so, talk about it during the call. On the other hand, if you just want to get back in touch, don't have any pretensions.

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Step 5. Talk about memories you have with the person

Remembering the past is a great way to light a fire in a conversation with an acquaintance. Talk about things you've lived together, places you've seen, etc.

  • If they are childhood friends, for example, say "I remember when you used to visit me at home."
  • While it's safer to talk about happy memories, you can also say how important your friendship was at a sensitive time in your life: "Your company was essential when I lost my mother."
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Step 6. Remember to smile when speaking

Many people forget to smile while on the phone, but this gesture can make their tone more friendly and attractive. Even if your listener can't see your face, they'll feel the difference and notice your excitement.

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Step 7. Avoid uncomfortable subjects

Don't ask questions or bring up topics that make the conversation uncomfortable, especially if the person in question is an ex-girlfriend.

Don't say things like "So, did you leave me for this one?" or it will make the conversation very embarrassing

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Step 8. Don't prolong the call for hours on end

Even if you're excited to get back in touch with the person, don't delay - you don't know if they're committed or busy. You will have time to address more issues in future calls.

Usually, 15 minutes of conversation are enough to get back in touch with someone. However, if the other person seems excited to be talking to you, keep going

Method 3 of 4: Ending the Conversation

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Step 1. Tell the person you enjoyed talking to them

When you feel the conversation is over or if one of you has to hang up, say "It was great talking to you" or "I'm so glad we got back in touch" to show that you enjoyed the call.

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Step 2. Make plans with the person

After the conversation, you might want to make an appointment. If so, say "We should see each other sometime" - or go further and invite her to something specific, like lunch or coffee.

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Step 3. Say you would like to keep in touch with the person

Even if you can't find her or are living in different places, you can talk from time to time. Say "We'll try to keep in touch" or be more specific with "I'll call you next week" or "I'll call you when I get back from my trip to let you know how it went!"

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Step 4. Say goodbye to the person

After you say you enjoyed talking to her, end the conversation. Once you've started to say goodbye, you can be simple and say something like "Okay, we'll talk another time. Take care!"

Method 4 of 4: Leaving a Message

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Step 1. Greet the person and say their name

She may not answer, and you need to leave a message (text or voicemail, although the latter is rarely used in Brazil). Start normally, as if you've been answered: say hello and introduce yourself.

Say something like "Hi Marcos! It's Deborah from college!"

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Step 2. Say you hope she is happy

After introducing yourself, say something like "I hope you're okay" or "I hope you and Clara are okay." This way, he will show that he cares about that person's well-being, as well as asking him how he is doing indirectly.

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Step 3. Say why you called

If you have a specific reason - you need a favor, have a question, etc. -, talk about him in the message. If you're just calling to get back in touch, say "I thought about you a few days ago, so I decided to call." You don't need to have a complex reason; just be sincere.

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Step 4. Say something about yourself

In a few words and details, tell how you are and what you have been doing. Be succinct, or it will seem like you're more interested in bragging than talking to the person.

For example: "I'm fine! I just got a new job as a marketing director at a company and resumed my tennis lessons."

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Step 5. Ask her to call you back

Say you're sorry they walked away, and that you expect a return. Remember to give your number and specify the hours you are available.

Say, "Call me when you're idle and we'll catch up! I'm available in the evening if it's a good time for you."

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Step 6. Say goodbye to the person

Please be brief after giving your contact information. Say something like "Then I hope to talk to you soon. Goodbye!"


  • Take a deep breath before dialing the person's number to control nervousness.
  • Speak loud and clear, especially if you have to leave a voicemail message.
  • If the person doesn't seem interested in talking to you, don't be offended. Everyone changes, and some acquaintances from the past don't feel like keeping in touch (especially when they live far away).
  • If you and the person have had a complicated relationship in the past, the atmosphere can get awkward. This is normal, even more so when it comes to ex-boyfriends.

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